Genius has been home for two weeks.
In that two weeks, he has used approximately the equivalent of the Great Salt Lake in hot water, melted approximately the equivalent of the Mendenhall Glacier in unused ice cubes from Frig II, required the company of Hick for a four-hour ER visit, required the company of Val for a nine-hour ER visit, eaten The Pony's breakfast treats, eaten the lion's share of the Christmas candy smorgasbord given to Val by her best ol' ex-teaching buddy Mabel, used his brother as his own personal Mr. French, dirtied approximately the equivalent of two platoon's worth of silverware, and left me several of my own pots and pans to cleanse after having his way with them.
I will stop short of declaring him the reason for the demise of our 16-year-old water heater.
Today, though, I feel some sympathy for Genius. He seems to have succumbed to the virus that has been going around Backroads and most of Missouri. He aches all over. Has a fever. Is lethargic. Has a squeezy chest. Coughs up some fluid. And sleeps all but about two hours a day. Sounds like exactly what I had. However...I refuse to take the blame. My fever has been gone since the day after the day after Christmas. I don't think the incubation period is that long. He picked it up somewhere else.
If I was a little bit more of a conspiracy theorist, I would say that everybody who got the flu shot is coming down with this about three months after getting the flu shot. The teachers who got the shot at school were sick just before Christmas break. I got mine a couple weeks later, and was sick on Christmas. Genius got his flu shot at college, and is just now getting the flu-like illness. I can't remember the date The Pony got his shot, but I know it was after mine. We'll see when he starts showing symptoms.
Yes, I was feeling all sympathetic towards poor sickly Genius. But then I asked him to move his stuff on the coffee table. It's my seat, you see, when I sit down to my laptop that is located on a wooden TV tray sitting in front of the living room picture window. You don't expect me to use that thing on my LAP, do you? So I asked Genius to move his stuff off the end of the table so I could sit down, and he said, "I don't have anything on the table!" A bit snippily, I might add. While dismissively waving his hand over the red Solo cup of melting ice, the other red Solo cup of already-melted ice, the Styrofoam bowl filled to the brim with milk and 10 lonely Apple Jacks, the three sodden Puffs With Lotion, and the newly-opened Puffs box.
I'm happy to have Genius home. But he is a bit disruptive concerning our routine.
What he meant was, "I don't have anything of value that's mine there." The trash and the nasal tissues (the newly-opened box) are for YOU to take care of.
ReplyDeleteYou're the mom. Don't you know your place? You're lucky he doesn't ask you hold the Puffs tissue in place around his nose while he blows.
Being a mom blows sometimes...
Now I am trying to remember when I had the flu shot. It is mandatory unless I want to wear a mask all winter. I think it was mid-October. Let's hope you are wrong! ag
ReplyDeleteKids are a pain from the moment they first kick their mother in the stomach for guzzling ice water. Still, they are entertaining and somehow they never stop being as much a part of us as our own heartbeat. Sure glad my mom kept me around in spite of it all. Clear the stuff off the coffee table and get more Puffs. Poor Genius is spending his vacation days hating his life. I'd drown my grief in hot water too.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to have a grown child return home, especially when they're sick and want to be waited on like they were when small. Trust me; I know.
ReplyDeleteI just sent my almost 17 year old back to the state with out the letter "r" (paak ya caa) after 10 days. He ate everything and drank crates of Gatorade and cleaned up little unless prodded...still, we're going to miss him!
ReplyDeleteAhh, you are a good mama, only complaining to US. I think you are onto something with that flu shot theory. It hit me, too. Today I head back into the germ infested world of pre-kindergarteners whose sleeves are their tissue. Hope your day is a great one.
ReplyDeleteIt is the flu shot, I tell you! That shot is evil ........ gave me SHINGLES!!
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteYeah, that pretty much describes his attitude. Today he said he felt okay while we were away at work. Then I saw a white washcloth wadded up on the exact place on the coffee table where my buttocks would be centered if I sat at my front-window laptop. "Why am I seeing a washcloth where I sit on the coffee table?"
"Oh. That's mine. I put it on my head today."
"I thought you felt fine."
"Well, I was hot."
Which makes me think SOMEBODY might have been fiddling with the thermostat while we were away.
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Birdie,
I HOPE I am wrong. But something seems amiss with this widespread outbreak so early in the season. And those flu shots were being pushed REALLY early this year. They were offered to us at school in September.
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Leenie,
Genius alternately drowns his grief in hot water showers and ice water wastage. Kind of like sitting in the sauna and jumping in the icy lake.
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Stephen,
I wouldn't begrudge him the waiting-on so much if I hadn't just been knocking on Death's door, with nobody doing ANYTHING for me. Except The Pony, of course. He's quite loyal. Not being able to drive, he was my captive. But I tried to spare him so he wouldn't catch my disease.
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joeh,
Oh, I always miss Genius the minute he walks out the door! How I wish for a table full of Puffs to clean up, and more forks to wash, and less hot water in the shower. Darn you! Now I'm tearing up at the thought of him leaving in a week.
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Linda,
Funny how so many people who HAD THE FLU SHOT have gotten this bug. It defies the order of randomness. I have not yet figured out the three-month lag between inoculation and onset of symptoms.
I had a fantastic day. For once, things fell into place as I had hoped.
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Kathy,
SEE? I'm not just whistlin' Dixie! Something's up with that dang flu shot. Something less random than a mutated virus.