Somebody's been telling me stories. And they just ain't true. No, they just ain't true. They're not even melodic like a Dan Fogelberg song.
As you might recall, Thevictorians are the proud owner of a new water heater. Even though Hick wanted to save the old one again by dragging it out back and scooping out its whitened hard entrails until the lower heating element was free, his plan did not reach fruition. Apparently, he could not hack out the hard-water buildup as before. So after 16 faithful years, Old Faithful was put out to pasture. Or at least outside the basement door, to await his trip to the big BARn in the next field. The place Thevictorian appliances go to die.
New Faithful was installed late Friday evening. That night, and Saturday morning, we Thevictorians continued our regular schedule of showers. It seemed to me that I could not quite get warm as I had before. I chalked that up to Genius being home, even though I had waited a decent interval for the incoming well water to warm again after hot water depletion by Hick at 6:00 a.m., and Genius at 9:00.
Sunday morning, or shall I say afternoon, I waited a very long time to shower. Because I was lazy from my convalescence, not because Genius took a shower and then spent another 10 minutes of wide-open hot water flow two hours later wetting his nap hair. And I'll be darned if that water STILL didn't heat me up like I expected. So I mentioned it to Hick.
"The hot water doesn't seem to get as hot as it did with the old water heater."
Well. You'd think I was E.F.Hutton. Genius hollered from his room, "Yeah! It doesn't get hot, no matter how much hot water you turn on." And The Pony put in his two cents' worth from the basement, "It did that to ME last night."
"Huh. I guess that's because of the setting. I didn't look at what it was. I'll have to check what the old one was set for. This new one would still be on the factory setting."
So, knowing how my sweet baboo spares no efforts to please me, I thought he meant that he would check on those settings RIGHT THEN. Or at least before my next shower. This morning, I asked Hick again.
"Did you check on the water heater? I still didn't have very much hot water this morning."
"Yes. I set it up five more degrees."
"When did you do that?"
"Saturday night. You can ask The Pony."
"Huh. And it STILL isn't warm enough."
"I don't know. I'll have to see what the old one was set for."
Funny how Hick said he set New Faithful Saturday night, before any of us complained about the water temperature. He's just psychic, I guess. And not very good at raising the temperature on a water heater.
Tonight I heard him come down the basement steps. Enter his workshop which houses the water heater. Heard him call in The Pony as his witness. He then sent The Pony directly to my dark basement lair to declare that, indeed, Hick had set New Faithful a few degrees higher.
I might believe him this time. I hope he didn't go overboard. No need for me to pull a Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley, doing a swan dive into a vat of molten lead in Alien 3.
A FEW degrees higher? Will that be hot enough to warm your cold, cold heart? That man is willing to scoop out a water heater for you! He's willing to miss a few minutes of some inane TV show so he can inch up the settings. Then, he's willing to scrounge around for a witness when he tries AGAIN to meet your crazy demands.
ReplyDeleteThat man deserves a soup tower.
Mrs. C always turns it down when we go away. It is not pleasant if she forgets to turn it up on our return.
ReplyDeleteI know, that should be my job. Mrs. C likes doing that stuff.
As long as you don't scald your tootsies. I love a hot water shower. That's two appliances. You know what they say about 3s.
ReplyDeleteOn a similar note, I swim at the local pool in the morning, but it's been so cold lately that I now swim AFTER the local high school swim team practice. I let those pale skinny kids warm up the shower water.
ReplyDeleteWhat in all that is good and true was he going to use the old heater for?
ReplyDeleteOh wow. I know a guy who says you should never fill the car up with gas because it goes stale just sitting in the tank.
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteThat man can't even poop a headlight for a 2008 Tahoe out of his butt! Tower of soup indeed!
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joeh,
At least she doesn't put it on a timer while she's away, forgetting, perhaps, that somebody left at home all day all summer might want to take a shower after 6:00 a.m., or wash BY HAND a sink full of dishes before 8:00 p.m.
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Linda,
Our dear departed Frig, Old Faithful...I'm hoping that the microwave now sporting TWO DRAWER KNOBS for a door handle, and my oven that waited six months for a new element, can count as one whole dead appliance, making Old Faithful number 3. Then I can quit waiting for the other Croc to drop.
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Stephen,
What's wrong with you? SWIMMING when you don't need take Beginning Swimming twice for one college credit in Swimming and Diving Techniques? That's folly, man!
*****
Birdie,
As you well know, "collectors" don't need a use for a discarded item. It's enough to think that one day, it may come in handy. Hick made a bathroom in the loft of his BARn. Sure, you have to fill a metal drum with water to act as a tank for sink and toilet. But you never know when you might want HOT water for that sink. In case you ever get the mineral deposits out of Old Faithful, of course.
Catalyst,
ReplyDeleteIs his name Hick? Because I have heard the same thing out of his mouth. He also says he once changed the air in an old lady's tires because she drove into the service station where he worked as a teenager, and demanded it. He must have been a kinder, gentler Hick back then, because he tried to explain that the air was fine. She wasn't having it, so Hick told his boss, who said to change the air in all her tires and charge her five dollars.
Perhaps he will use the old water heater as a vessel for the water he intends to heat with solar energy from the 1001 aluminum cans he has collected ........... Pinterest will even provide instructions. I mean, that is what my man servant has plans for. That and the motor from that treadmill for his windmill that he started making parts for 7 years ago. Now that he is unemployed, I all a tither with anticipation.
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteWhoa! Our 1001 aluminum cans were commandeered by Genius on a trip home. Along with an old frame for a screen door, and some miscellaneous aluminum from his grandma's basement. Junkers gotta junk.