From the Small World and Revenge Departments

The Pony and I stopped for haircuts today after his dentist appointment. Yes, we went to Terrible Cuts. I had a coupon. If I was smart, which obviously I'm not, I would have used the coupon on me today, then taken The Pony back tomorrow to use the $2.00 off savings from my receipt. Too bad, so sad. Hindsight is worth $2.00.

The story today is not about our terrible cuts. They're actually presentable. The story is about the cutter. I had a new girl. That happens frequently at Terrible Cuts. In the middle of our haircuts, The Pony's gal asked if he was ready to go back to school. Of course he is. He's a Thevictorian, after all.

My cutter asked what grade he is in. Seems that she has a brother in the same grade, at our same school. A brother who is one of The Pony's friends, who he competes with neck-and-neck in the math contest each year. Small world.

My mom called this afternoon. I don't know why. I can't remember anything urgent that needed telling, other than she had been out in the yard weed-eating this morning, cutting the heads off those weeds that sprout up. But she said she was disappointed that I had not called her after The Pony's dentist appointment to ask if she wanted to ride over to Culver's for some frozen custard. Can you believe the nerve of her? After not bringing me any free expired frozen custard only Monday! I guess I showed HER!

"We went to get haircuts after the dentist. You'll never guess who cut my hair. I'll give you 2001 guesses, though. We have plenty of time."

"Oh. I don't think I can guess."

"That's the easy way out. Give it a try. You have a lot of guesses."

"Do we know each other?"

"No."

"Well, I don't know how I can guess if I don't even know who it is!"

"If you knew who it was, you wouldn't have to guess!" Mom seems to find my interrogation techniques hilarious. She was already gasping for breath. "That's why I'm giving you so many chances. But all I can answer is YES or NO. You have 2000 guesses left."

"Is it a former student from your school?"

"No. But that is very close."

"Does this person have red hair?"

"No. That is not a very good guess. I gave you a major hint. What's next, 'Does this person have false teeth?' Try to use the hints!"

"Oh, you've got me tickled. I can't breathe. I was going to change clothes and run to town before it rains, but now I don't know if I have the strength."

"You shouldn't have been out in the yard weed-eating, using all your energy! Think of this game as me giving you exercise. Guess again."

"Is this person blond?"

"No."

"Brunette?"

"YES! I'm sure you'll guess it now that you've narrowed it down like that!"

"Oh, stop! Does this person go to my church?"

"No."

"Did this person talk about me?"

"No. This person doesn't know you, remember? You're not very good at this game. Hey! Pony! What's that game Genius had that was a little disc that answered whatever you were thinking about in twenty questions?"

"You mean TWENTY QUESTIONS?"

"Yeah. I guess that was it. Well, even that game would not be able to answer Grandma's guess in twenty questions. She's terrible at this! Okay, next question."

"Is it a male or a female?

"Um. That's not a yes or no question."

"Is it male?"

"No."

"Is it female?"

"Yes. That kind of wasted a question. But you have SO many more to go.You have not paid attention to your clues. What did I tell you in the beginning? That you were very close when you asked if it was a former student from my school."

"Was it a teacher from your school?"

"No. They already have jobs."

"Are they under 30?"

"Yes. I think so."

"Was it Mabel?"

"No. She is retired. Not under 30."

"Was it your secretary from school?"

"No. We already established no red hair. And she's not under 30."

"Oh, I am exhausted. I'll never guess!"

"Probably not. Next question? We've only been at this 15 minutes. We have a long way to go. Here's another hint. It has a connection to The Pony and his friends. The Pony is at the top of his class. What's next to the top of the class?"

"The bottom?"

"NO! The bottom of the class is not next to the top. The almost-top of the class is next to the top."

"Is it that math teacher's son?"

"No. He's in a different class. He's older. But it has something to do with the math contest every year."

"Was it that math teacher?"

"NO! Teachers already have jobs. They are not cutting hair the week before school starts."

"Oh...I give up."

"You just expect me to TELL you? After I've given you all of those hints?"

"Yes. I have to go to town."

"All right. You know that kid who sometimes beats The Pony in math competition, the one he raced to get the medal one year because they tied again, and The Pony didn't want to wait 12 weeks for the duplicate medal to come in this time? It was that kid's sister."

"Oh."

"I can't believe you didn't guess it! We're going to have to practice until you get better at this game."

Was that too rough on her? You know. For not bringing me that free expired frozen custard? I don't think it was. But I also don't think she will make the connection.