Seems like only yesterday that Val was the Five-Dollar Daughter.
Has she not faithfully driven her mother to doctor's appointments, cleaned and bandaged the incision on her face, advised her on how to interact with her handyman, Chatty Handy, and gotten her tickled against her wishes? Yes. The answer to all items in this question is YES!
The last time Val and Mom took a road trip, to pay bills, pick up Rally's fast food for The Pony, and indulge in a frozen custard treat...Mom gave Val five dollars.
Well. How the worm has turned!
Today, Mom wanted to go out for lunch and treat The Pony, Val, Val's sister the ex-mayor's wife, Val's niece, and Val's niece's baby daughter. Let the record show that the baby doesn't eat much. Fighting a headache since last night, unable to dose it with anything other than acetaminophen due to her blood-thinner regime, Val declined, but drove The Pony to Mom's house for the affair.
Mom and The Pony met up with the other three gals at Culver's in a nearby town. The Pony had never strapped on the feedbag at Culver's, and later gave a mixed review. Seems he couldn't taste the ketchup and mustard on his burger, and found his chocolate shake to be too thick. As if that's possible. Mom would accept no money, saying The Pony's meal was her treat. Let the record show that Mom had originally been willing to foot the bill for Val's lunch as well.
Oh, the things one finds out when one has a little Pony. Seems that Culver's was giving away frozen custard today. GIVING IT AWAY!
Mom: "I'm sorry The Pony didn't enjoy his food. Maybe next time. I ordered my vanilla cone first, and ate it before my meal. The others ate their regular food first."
Val: "That's why The Pony didn't like his shake. He was full of real food. Culver's has the best custard ever. I told him that the other day."
Pony: "They were giving some away."
Mom: "Uh huh. I was not embarrassed to sit there with my cone. They were giving away, what was it, Pony? Containers of custard. Was it pints?"
Pony: "Grandma didn't get any for you."
Mom: "Well, it was strawberry. I didn't think you liked strawberry. I thought you just liked chocolate." See what happens when Mom assumes? She makes a bitter custard-joneser out of Val.
Val: "I like strawberry. I would have LOVED to have some custard."
Mom: "Your sister said, 'It has REAL strawberries in it!' They were just giving it away. Isn't that right, Pony?"
Pony: "Yes. But it expired today."
Val: "LIKE THAT MEANS ANYTHING! Grandma gives me expired stuff all the time!"
Mom: "They said it was still good for 45 days."
Val: "Yet you didn't get any for me."
Mom: "Well, I didn't think you liked strawberry."
Val: "I would have liked VANILLA if it was frozen custard from Culver's, being given away for free!"
Mom: "I'll know that next time."
Uh huh. Val is not even worth free expired frozen custard.
HER PRICE IS FAR BELOW FREE EXPIRED FROZEN CUSTARD!
That's the title I wanted to use. But I think it might have given away my point far too soon.
Hmmm...since it was free she could have brought some to the Dictorian cause if you did not like strawberry you could just throw it away because it's free!
ReplyDeleteI guess that's your point as well.
How on God's earth can a milkshake be too thick? How can something be too good? Just use a spoon instead of a straw.
ReplyDeleteWhat could she have been thinking? It was FREE! And she could have gotten you some, because it was FREE!
ReplyDeleteFrozen desserts have been known to cause headaches or make them worse, But that is such cold comfort,
ReplyDeleteIsn't your mother a retired teacher? Doesn't she know that anything--no matter what it is--is desirable if it's free?
ReplyDeleteA huge box of toilet paper tubes? I'll take those.
Empty kitty litter buckets--cleaned out and complete with lids? I've got to have those.
Empty wine bottles--a box of them? I want 'em.
An almost stale Krispy Kreme doughnut? Yum.
Blogger would not let me finish my comment...
ReplyDeleteThe middle two things--the kitty litter and the wine bottles--I actually PAID FOR (at a place called "Left Overs") so they weren't even free. I planned on making small stools with the kitty litter buckets, and I planned on using the wine bottles and transforming them into cheese platters by using our school kiln and slumping them. My husband found the kitty litter buckets and threw them away (I didn't have the courage to tell him that I had spent money on them) and the bottles are (hidden) in a big tub.
I think your mom was never a teacher. She couldn't possibly have been a teacher if she passed up free. So, if she was making up a big, fat lie about where she went every morning and how she earned money, I wonder where she REALLY was and what she was REALLY doing?
And I agree with Stephen. How can a milkshake be too thick? Just wait a while...it'll get thinner.
joeh,
ReplyDeleteIt's not like she was offered free Ebola virus, or a giant metal shipping container the size of a railroad car. It was a freakin' pint of frozen custard! How can anybody turn that down?
*****
Stephen,
Perhaps The Pony has been spending too much time with my mom. Next thing you know, he'll be turning down perfectly good (though possibly expired) free stuff!
*****
Kathy,
I KNOW! Imagine how I feel. It's not like she had to make a special trip to give it to me, either. I could have accepted that free gift when I received The Pony.
*****
Leenie,
I already had the headache. Surely that frozen treat could not have made it worse. It's not like I'm a glutton for free expired frozen custard. I know how to pace myself.
*****
Sioux,
Yes, Mom is a retired 4th grade teacher. She knows the value of free. Just last year, she tried to give me her old stash of pencils and markers. Do you know how well those items age? They are not like fine wine or cheese. The erasers were like rocks, and no color was ever again coming out of those markers. I took them anyway, so as not to hurt her feelings, then threw them away. I could easily have done the same with free expired frozen custard.
Good. BLOGGER is conspiring against YOU, which takes time away from conspiring against ME. What's this? A school kiln? Surely you jest. Is your name Fawn Leibowitz? Gotta be careful around those kilns!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asnzmpORTE8
There's a relatively new Culver's just down the hill from us (well, a couple of miles). You're welcome to come and get some of their free expired frozen custard just any old time. On me.
ReplyDeleteCatalyst,
ReplyDeleteWell, aren't you sweet! As sweet as Culver's free expired frozen custard. How kind of you to pick up the nonexistent tab!