Hick had some scrap lumber that he picked up from work a while back, and more from here and there that he used to set Genius to pulling nails from. Genius, though reluctant, was a much better Hick's Apprentice than The Pony. He also had some roofing tin left over from some project that he coerced his oldest son to climb up on the roof and attach. Hick is now putting the finishing touches on his structure, having bought $140 worth of plywood and screws on Friday. Which is not to say that his creation looks like a finished product.
"Oh. It's not a hay shed anymore. I'm going to make it my barber shop. I'll put my barber chair in there, and a bunch of my auction stuff."
So basically, he's been building himself a playhouse. Never mind that Hick is not a barber. He has an old-timey chair that he got about 15 years ago. He has clippers, which he used on his sons before they got wise to what they looked like after a shearing. And he has a knack for talking. He's always said that one day he wants to open a barber shop. He even went so far, when quizzed by me on why places like that must have proprietors with a license, as to suggest enrolling in the beauty school just up the road a piece. So he could get a barber's license alongside 18-year-old girls learning to cut hair.
I think this shed is more of a project like his one-room schoolhouse he built down by the creek. He's not really teaching school out of it. Then again, I can't be sure Hick is not planning to put that barber shop on a trailer and haul it around to give impromptu haircuts, picking up stakes just ahead of inspectors from the State Board of Cosmetology and Barber Examiners. I suppose my first clue might be when he brings home a barber pole.
Maybe he's going to pull that little shop of Hick-horrors to town, onto the parking lot of his regular barber shop, and siphon off a little business until Johnny comes out and kicks his butt. And while we're revisiting Johnny's, let me share a disappointing fact. I found out at the faculty lunch table last week that there really IS a waiting period of two hours at Johnny's on a Saturday morning! Found it out from another dude who, like Hick, has barely enough hair to cut.
So there you have it. Hick hoodwinked me into believing he was building a hay shed, spent money I did not give him, and emerged from the ordeal with a sweet little barber shop.
I don't know what the goats and minipony will have to say about this.
Or a man-cave?
ReplyDeleteOh, simmer down. The goats and the minipony can live on hair clippings instead of hay.
ReplyDeleteAnd since Hick has stumbled onto a brilliant business idea, you don't have to fret. There will be plenty of money to spend on hay for the livestock.
Hick is going to retire. Immediately. You will retire immediately ...and earlier than you had planned.
While Hick's customers are waiting for their haircut, you can take them on guided tours. Each stick version will ride in The Gator, get to pose in front of EmBee, sniff the greasy chicken at the gas station, fill a cup up at the fountain of Val's magical elixir ...and so much more.
Fill out and sign those early retirement papers. Now!
When Hick goes to beauty school, will he learn to give manis and pedis, too? Might be worth it.
ReplyDeleteAll along i was thinking that was too nice a door for a shed. Perfect for a nice barber shoppe.
ReplyDeleteWow! How come I never thought of that?
ReplyDeleteYou and your posts crack me up.Will you please put all of these in book form so that I can purchase the paper copy and that way I don't have to read on the computer. You'd do that for me, wouldn't you? I'm pretty sure more than just myself would buy your books!
ReplyDeleteHick is a man of many buildings. Bet you thought I was going to say talents, didn't you? No, I know better than that, what with me being married to his brother from another mother!
ReplyDeletejoeh,
ReplyDeleteHow many man-caves does a man need? Hick has his BARn, his creekside cabin (on which he built an addition), his A-frame down in the woods, a mini barn, a one-room schoolhouse, a basement workshop twice the size of my dark basement lair, and two freight containers which he is planning to link together and turn into a big workshop/garage.
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Sioux,
Except for the part where I spend every day with Hick two years before I'd planned...that's a workable idea. However, I don't know if I want to waste the gas on tours. I don't have any muffin stumps to feed my customers. But I CAN bag up miniscule amounts of Chex Mix to sell at a high mark-up in the barbershop waiting line.
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Tammy,
When bulls start interning in china shops, the world might be ready for one of Hick's mani/pedis.
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Stephen,
Nice or not, it needs a sign above it: "Abandon hope of a socially-acceptable haircut, all ye who enter here."
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Catalyst,
I don't know. Maybe you actually have hair, and are not obsessed with spending three hours each weekend sitting around a barber shop wishful-thinking.
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Lynn,
You are so kind! Do you see me ducking my head and batting my eyelashes coquettishly? I would love to book up my stories, but alas, I am simply too lazy at this time. Now that my ego has been fed, I shall lay back in the recliner and daydream of what it would be like to have a book of my works perched upon my coffee table. Right where I plop my big ol' butt to use my laptop in the front living room window.
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Kathy,
Actually, I did NOT expect you to use the T word on Hick, knowing how you know one just like him.