Sing that. Like The Beatles.
Ooh I need my pens, folks,
Guess you know it's true.
Please don't take my pens, folks,
Or I'll get back at you.
I looked down at
my schoolteacher desk this afternoon, and saw eight pens laid out. EIGHT. Let
the record show that I can only write with one at a time. Maybe two if I want
to show off my ambidextrousness (not to be confused with maltodextrose, like that little kid warned Eddie Murphy about in Daddy Day Care). There was no need for eight pens. Yet there
was.
I had taken a
black inker out of the desk drawer to write an address on an envelope. It
wasn’t my favorite PaperMate Write Brothers black pen. Just one I usually lay
out for substitutes. So when it came time to fill out The Pony’s paperwork for
the first of the school year, I went to my secret hidey hole in another drawer for my
favorite.
Then I needed a
red pen to sign off on my requisitioned items that had arrived.
The big-bellied
Liquid Paper correction pen came out to cover up a slight mistake on a
not-very-important form.
Next I needed the
blue Sharpie highlighter to enhance my name on the duty list that has to be
tucked into my sub folder by the end of next week.
And of course when
I filled out my pocket calendar, courtesy of MSTA membership enticements from
the first day of teacher workshops, I needed green ink for the days off, red
ink for duty days, and pencil for personal appointments which will require a
substitute.
Yep. You wouldn’t
think a teacher (heh, heh, I just wrote “techer”) would need so many writing
implements for one day without even any students present. But we do. Because we
are PROFESSIONALS!
Maybe I can find a
leather tool belt and fit my pens in slots like bullets on a bandolier. You
know that that is, don’t you? That thing a bandit wears across his chest,
loaded with spare bullets. I’d like to pretend I knew that. But I had to
consult The Pony. He didn’t quite know either. So I said, “You know. I want to
call it a gondolier. But I know that’s the guy who pushes a boat through the
canal with a stick.”
“BANDOLIER! It’s a
bandolier!”
Uh huh. Two
Thevictorian heads are better than one. Just like eight pens are better than
one.
I remember a big fat pen with multiple clicky things enabling multiple color inks from the one pen.
ReplyDeleteI have taken to hoarding (make sure that "d" is included in that word when you say it) markers and masking tape and packs of (dare I whisper it?) copy paper.
ReplyDeleteSchools are in trouble. Stuff your stuff into secret places, and do NOT share with anyone!
joeh,
ReplyDeleteMy boys had those pens on their supply list in elementary school. I used to think they needed them to correct other students' work when grading assignments in class, or for proofreading their own papers. After buying them over and over, I think that maybe the teacher wanted them for herself. Do you know how long those things last before they break? Approximately 2.5 minutes.
*****
Sioux,
I always keep two packs of copy paper on hand, just in case the custodians forget to wheel some out of the supply room. OH! It's so grand! My room is right next door to that very long closet, and when the counselor's secretary goes in there to use the old microfiche machine, I can see the mountains of paper boxes stacked to the ceiling. I can monitor the paper levels throughout the year, as long as ancient alumni call and ask for their records.
Microfiche? Really? Still?
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteI guess that's the only way to retrieve those very old records. How backward do you think we ARE, Madam? Do you suppose that we have a cave out back with pictographs and petroglyphs? Do not look down your nose at our microfiche machine, you of the safe stuffed with free dry erase markers!
Just the other day Mrs. Chatterbox told me how much she loved getting back-to-school supplies. I don't remember this very much, but I like getting new writing and drawing supplies now.
ReplyDeleteStephen,
ReplyDeleteMuch like tax refund time is Hillbilly Christmas, back-to-school supply shopping is Nerd Christmas. Genius was like a kid in a candy store. When he was five, he declared that when he grew up, he wanted to work at Office Max.
I like my pens, too. I put pens out for others to use, but I want MY pens for ME.
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteI liberated a pen today from the office. It was not the secretary's pen. She won't let us use them. But she had put a whole pack of blue PaperMates in the pencil holder on the counter. I heard them crying, "Take ME! Take ME!" So I did. I was down to one blue pen. Gotta have a spare.