Like this:
I suppose they could be called Wood Bass. This is one of the few gewgaw knickknack gimcrack whatnots he has hauled home that I actually kind of cotton to. He got them for five dollars. That's less than two dollars a fish!
According to Hick, a stringer alone would be five or six dollars itself at Walmart. Like he shops.
You might notice that Hick posed with his catch-of-the-night in front of his future Little Barbershop of Horrors. That's not his name for it. That's blog buddy Sioux's name for it. Which is frighteningly appropriate. I don't know how Hick made his hand look like it has five fingers and a thumb. It's just one of his freaky skills, I guess. And you might notice that he does not manscape his forearm. Which is all we'll say about that.
When asked what he plans to do with his catch, Hick replied, "Hang 'em in my barbershop!"
Of course. Everybody knows that's what you do with a stringer of wooden fish. Hang it in your homemade barbershop.
Wooden fish? And you make fun of Jersey dirty water cocktails.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I just caught on that they're actually wood carvings of fish, not real fish. For a moment I thought you'd lost your mind.
ReplyDeleteBarbershops are where many "fish tales" have been told. Ergo, I find the new decor highly appropriate.
ReplyDeleteRobin Williams once told about going shirtless at the beach, and some PETA people threw red paint on him. They thought he was wearing a fur shirt. He wasn't one to manscape, either...
ReplyDeleteAs long as he doesn't go the way of The Barber of Seville....and I learned a new word, 'manscape'. Now I just have to use it in a sentence today.
ReplyDeleteHIck's gonna have trouble cleaning those fish. It appears they're a little dried out and stiff. Good deal on that stringer, though.
ReplyDeletejoeh,
ReplyDeleteUm...we don't DRINK the fish. Not even if they're in dirty water do we chug their environment and call it a cocktail. Drink LIKE fish, maybe. So you really can't compare the two.
I don't see you or anyone in Jersey hanging a stringer of dirty water cocktails in their Little Barbershop of Horrors, either.
******
Stephen,
I suppose that speaks well for the fish-carver. Of course, since you are not fond of fishing, I understand that these Wood Bass are not your cup of tea. At least Hick didn't have to cast his line near a concrete boat, or go out to sea with a guy named Frank to obtain his catch.
*****
Catalyst,
I guess there's a certain symmetry to that. Yeah. I'm quoting from The Big Chill. Maybe you've seen it. It's a chick movie. Maybe not.
*****
Sioux,
Imagining Hick non-manscaped is bad enough. We don't need to imagine Robin Williams (from his Moscow on the Hudson days) non-manscaped as well. Hrmph! Excuse me. I think I just coughed up a hairball.
*****
Fish More,
Ixnay on the anscapemay. I'm doing you a favor. Don't go using that in a sentence. It will be like that time I said "redonkulous" and my boys both tried to knock themselves unconscious with a slap to the forehead.
*****
Leenie,
Jerky. Fish jerky. Fish jerky is the new Auction Meat. So sayeth the health department.
I actually like the fish, too. Maybe he should make a wind chime out of them and hang them in the door way to his barber shop where no man scapes.
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteMaybe he could put lights on them, and string them around the eaves for a festive look.