The Self-Imagined Ruler Returns

The self-proclaimed ruler has returned to his kingdom. Genius is home from college.

He was done with finals Wednesday, but said he was staying until Saturday. Which led to the following exchange.

"What are you going to do for three days?"

"Work on the solar car."

"Normal people will be going home for Christmas."

"Normal people."

"When are you leaving?"

"I am checking out Saturday at noon."

"Oh. You're waiting until the very last minute allowed to vacate the premises?"

"Technically, I could wait until 6:00. So I'm actually leaving early."

Ah, the logic is warped in that one. Because of the impending sleet/freezing rain/snow storm, I asked him to call me before he left. I wanted to know if he was taking the city route for clear roads, or the country route to save time. This was after several texts advising him to use some futuristic phone app to check road conditions. And a reply in which he told me to disregard the smile emoticon, because it was an accident that he hit inadvertently. To which I had to ask, "What kind of kid can't even give his mom a smile?"

"Apparently, a kid like me."

Still, he agreed to call before he left. You never know how the country road is going to be cleared, and his phone is dead for about 60 miles through the middle of nowhere. And it could be a long walk to find a house if he ran off the road. By 12:45, I was getting a little anxious. So I called.

"Are you about ready to leave?"

"I am just now pulling onto the highway."

"I thought you were going to call me."

"I was. But I forgot."

"Do you have the 4WD on?"

"Well, seeing as how I'm driving 70 mph down the highway...no."

"Which way are you coming home?"

"I'm going the back roads. It's quicker."

"Put it in 4WD when you get off the highway. Just in case."

"Yeah, yeah."

He made it home. And reported that our road is terrible. Yeah. Tell us something we don't know. He also commanded, from 30 miles away, that I move my car from its rightful garage slot to Hick's garage slot. No mention of where Hick was supposed to park. His reasoning was that all of his stuff was near the passenger side, and he couldn't open his door with it against the garage wall that is too close because Hick wouldn't listen to me when building this house, and add a couple of feet to make it more spacious for big honkin' 4WD beasts. Oh, and since he has no garage door opener, he suggested that I make The Pony run out and open the garage door when he got to the driveway.

When asked, after opening his birthday presents from Wednesday, if it he was glad to be home, Genius replied, "Well, I'm glad that classes are over." Huh. He also made some crack about how he loved living in the dorm, because he cranked the heat up to 76, and that conditions around this place were barbaric. I'll toughen up that buttercup forthwith. Or tell him he will have to pay half of the electric bill for the month he's home. And, he complained that when he moved his truck out of the garage, there was no place to park, because Hick's $1000 Caravan was in his place!

Furthermore, he commandeered The Pony's corn dog that Hick brought him from town on the way home from work, for a snack before supper, then opened up the puppy chow mix that I won by NOT cheating at my niece's baby shower and ate about half, then decided he wanted part of the salad The Pony was having for supper along with some fish, then saw a hot dog on the pan next to the fish, and decided he also wanted that with his salad and fish and just-commenced-digesting puppy chow and corn dog.

Ha ha! The joke was on Genius. He fell asleep on the couch before finishing his plate. He was all done up like Bear Grylls in Antarctica, what with a hoodie pulled around his face, hands warming on bare belly under the hoodie pouch and shirt, socked feet dug down in the crack between cushion and couch arm.

I think his last words were, "I'm soooo coooold."