Saturday, May 14, 2016

What Did You Say? Mutton, Honey.

Here's one of the perks you get, living in the country.


I glanced out the window this morning around 6:30, kind of drowsy in the La-Z-Boy, and saw the neighbor's horses at the edge of the fence. Or did I? The more I watched, those horses walked along the fence and right through it. Or did they? And when did the neighbor's white horse shrink?

Juno was barking her fool head off way up at the side of the driveway, by the road. The more I watched, it dawned on me that those two Incredible Journey animals were walking right up the gravel road. They were not inside the fence at all. But the neighbor's horses were! They came to the fence to watch the trek. I called Hick out of the bedroom.

"Hey! Some horses are walking up the road. I don't know whose they are."

"Huh. Let's see." Hick went out on the porch, and came quickly back. "It's COLD out there! That wind is COLD! That's Milhouse's horses. I guess they got out."

"Look. They came back. There goes Juno again!"

"I'm not sure that one's a horse."

"Yeah. It looks like a sheep. Or one of those big dogs that herds sheep."

"I'll go out and look so I can see better."

"Take me a picture!"

"I have to put on some pants first. It's COLD out there!" Let the record show that Hick was not covering up his tighty-whities for the love of common decency. But because he was cold.

I went in the bathroom and when I came out, Hick was back in the house. "They came right up to the porch! Neither one is a horse! That's a mule and a sheep! I have no idea where they came from. The only people out here who have sheep are up behind us."

"Well, they have one less sheep now. I don't guess they'll hurt anything. They'll just walk around. No cars will hit them in here. They'll just eat grass."

"They might eat your flowers."

"I don't think horses walk around eating roses."

"It's a mule, not a horse. And a sheep will eat anything."

"You're thinking of a GOAT." I told the man whose goats ate two lilac bushes and most of a rosebush.

"Juno will run them off."

And she did. Last Hick saw, they had gone down the neighbor's driveway, and were laying down in his front yard.

No. We're not keeping them. Good thing we have that new old fence to prevent them from getting on Hick's unfinished brick sidewalk.


  1. Hick didn't have to cover up. EVERYONE knows about shrinkage...

    1. I don't think he did it to save himself embarrassment. He had already been out on the porch once. It was only his personal comfort he was concerned about.

      He traipses through the house au naturel to the pool and back, and would most likely walk out front and around if it was closer. But still...nobody would want his boys in their swim trunks, so he knows better than to ask to borrow them.

  2. Never a dull moment on Val's Ponderosa.

    1. And yet I yearn for a dull moment, just to regroup my thoughts.

  3. When I saw the photo I thought sure Hick had been to the auction.

    1. Don't think he wouldn't try! Problem is, the livestock auction was shut down because somebody complained. So I guess that little Chinese lady who bought ducks to feed her family has had to switch to chicken.

  4. So it wasn't Hick's fault this time?

    1. Shockingly enough, no! But he was outside this morning with his new goat on a rope, wearing a collar and everything. Our DOGS don't even have collars! It was the goat in the collar, of course, not Hick.

  5. They (the horse, or the mule, or the sheep, or the goat) did a nice job on your lawn (or pasture).

    1. The Truth in Blogging Law requires me to inform everyone that HICK is the one who did the nice job on the front lawn-pasture. He is very good at and very dedicated to the mowing.

      Of course, he has two tractors and two lawnmowers that he can, surprisingly, only ride one of at a time. Don't get me started on that story I'm still not ready to tell...