Saturday, June 22, 2013

She Got Up Off the Pot

You know how when it gets really hot, like mid-90s, with high humidity, and you can hardly breathe when you step outside? Yeah. We're having one of those days here in Backroads.

It's enough to make one want to drive the Tahoe around back to the basement door to carry in one's 44 oz. Diet Coke. Enough to make one rip off her shirt upon entering her 74-degree home, to dissipate heat while putting away purchases while home alone. Enough to make one tarry on the toilet, leaning one's bare back against the cool lid, willing the meager wisps of conditioned air emanating from the floor vent to evaporate the rivulets of sweat earned by carrying in Save A Lot necessities. Enough to make one weigh the benefits of whiling away more minutes so disposed, or expending the effort to descend into one's dark COOL basement lair to read The UK Daily Mail on one's desktop.

Not that I would do any of those things, of course. But I DO have an aversion to the heat. I blame my absent thyroid. But it could just as well be my well-insulated epidermis. Folks living the Native life above the Arctic Circle might just as well twist me like a bloated washcloth and squeeze oil from my pores for dipping their meat. Though I would hope they stopped short of flaying me for muktuk.

Last night I could not fall asleep. After 90 minutes of tossing and turning, okay, 90 minutes of lazily laying in one position sweating, I got up and cranked down the thermostat to a chilly 73 degrees. You wouldn't believe what a difference a degree makes.

Well. I was just about to finish with the sentence: At least I have my power and my air conditioning. But at that moment my power went out, and now I have neither. Thank goodness my upstairs laptop had a full charge.

Hick and The Pony, forsaking me for the auction, returned with information that power lines are down on our gravel road due to inappropriate limbage. I'm off to contact Ameren MO about the issue. Hick, in a moment of logical judgement, decided not to drive over the power lines, and has just started the generator. It won't run the air conditioning, but it gives me TV and a computer.


  1. You're not checking your post before publishing it.

    Make sure--next time--you read your piece carefully (out loud) to ensure you have taken out all the unnecessary words. Sometimes words left in that don't belong change the meaning.

    Yes, it's marvelous that you no longer enjoy the benefits of whacky-tobacky. You should be commended for abstaining. However, when you accidentally left the word "Up" in your title, it was an error that would mislead the reader.

    Next time, carefully edit your post before sending it to the blogosphere...

  2. I can only imagine how sweltering it must be in your neck of the woods without air conditioning. I wish you could come and enjoy mine, not that we get to use it all that often here in Oregon.

  3. Sioux,
    What kind of writer would check her work before publishing? Not this one, Madam! Time is of the essence. Change the meaning? You probably have one of those punctuation t-shirts proclaiming: "I helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse." The "Let's eat, Grandma" shirt was too tame for you.

    As for the UP, it was not to lead folks down the garden path on a wild goose chase to deflect from my non-abuse of the wacky tobaccy. I was going for a little Haven Kimmel and her couch title.

    Thank the electric company we got our power back by 3:00 a.m. I'm sure the reason you rarely use your air conditioning is not because it has rusted from the 364 days of rain per year. We prefer our moisture suspended in the atmosphere, and use it to frizz even the straightest of hair.