Yesterday morning, I feared that my liver was failing.
You know how it is. You cough, and a spasm surges through your liver. A crampy spasm. Don't tell me people in this day and age don't know where their liver is located. Surely you have all received adequate anatomy instruction in the public schools of our great nation. The liver is on your right side. Tucked up in under your ribs, with part of it hanging out. Not hanging out of your body. That wouldn't be right, unless you'd accidentally cut yourself rather badly, and sliced through the abdominals and fascia. Your liver has four lobes. Did you know that you can donate a part of your liver for transplant into somebody else, and two people can live quite nicely on one liver? But enough about generic liver facts. Let's get back to MY liver.
I started to get a bit worried. I treat my liver well. No alcohol to metabolize for MY liver. He's a teetotaller. Don't want him coming down with cirrhosis, by cracky! And no intravenous drug use or promiscuous sex to expose him to hepatitis. Yellow is not a good color on Val. She would not wear jaundice well. I don't make it a habit to go about my day kissing multitudes of people. So mononucleosis should steer clear of my liver. And I most certainly do not overdose on acetaminophen. I know that's a liver no-no. What could give me such spasms with a simple cough? Sure, I've been sick over the last ten days. But a round of azithromycin nipped that blight in the bud. So my liver should be in the pink of health, filtering blood cells willy-nilly, not even noticing that void in the middle where my gallbladder used to reside.
Then the truth hit me like a cartoon frying pan over my cartoon head, with stars and birdies circling my noggin. I am getting old!
There was no injury to my liver. My diaphragm was sore. Don't tell me people in this day and age don't know where their diaphragm is located. Surely you have all received adequate anatomy instruction in the public schools of our great nation. Or at least in your choir class in eighth grade. Your diaphragm separates your thoracic cavity from your abdominal cavity. It keeps your lungs from touching your liver. It also enables you to breathe. It's a big ol' muscle. As long as we're discussing structure, we might as well discuss function. Or not. Because all I really wanted to say was that my diaphragm was aching from overuse.
Apparently, when old people practice CPR on a dummy for two hours, the diaphragm is sorely taxed. The liver, on the other hand, never breaks a sweat.
Thanks for the anatomy lesson. Now where did you say the funny bone was?
ReplyDeleteIt's all that muscle flexing you've been doing. Coughing taxes the muscles. Here's hoping youraches and pains subside.
ReplyDeleteYou had me worried for a minute. Like Stephen, I appreciate the anatomy lesson. Hope your feeling better soon.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many oddities that can be attributed to age. Once I had something that used to be regular--every month like clockwork-- but then became irregular. Once every few months or so. I thought I had cancer. Some rare disease. Some terminal illness.
ReplyDeleteMy OB/GYN looked at my chart (at my age) and said, "It's your age!" Aaaack!
I have a small chance to get cured of cancer, but old age--there's no avoiding it.
Seeing your name on other fellow bloggers, I was worried when I read your post... loved the anatomy lesson, and well, this was funny.
ReplyDeleteStephen,
ReplyDeleteThe funny bone is a vital organ that Hick was born without. In normal people, it is found next to the snort activator, up inside the nasal cavity.
************
Linda,
It's getting better. As long as I quit trying to impress dead plastic dummies, I think I'll recover.
************
Donna,
I'm a tough old bird. Just like my mother's Thanksgiving turkey. Remember, I am striving to become a legend: Val Scienceseed. Spreading human anatomy specs across the land.
************
Sioux,
Well...there's one way to avoid old age. And I don't think you want to go that route. Just yet.
************
Lynn,
Perhaps I'm spreading worry across the land, rather than science facts. My mission has gone horribly wrong!