Hick is Caught With His Zipper Down

Not literally! That title is a reverse euphemism for what happened to Hick. So don't be too hasty, expecting some boom-chicka-wow-wow pr0n music to start playing!

Supper Monday night was some of the FREE roasted chicken Hick got a couple weekends ago. You know, it was a Ponytail Guy's meat we gnawed on for our meal. Problem was, Hick and The Pony were both dragging their feet about bringing the chicken from the BARn to the house, so I could let it thaw before cooking.

Hick even spent Sunday afternoon over in the BARn, in his words, "piddling." I had told The Pony earlier in the day that I'd need a bag of chicken from the BARn. He forgot. Said he'd be up early (8:30) on Monday morning, and he'd go get it then. He even asked Hick to lay out the key to the BARn, so he wouldn't wake me looking for it in the bedroom. So considerate, that Pony...

Anyhoo... The Pony followed through with this promise. When I got up around 11:00 on Monday, The Pony was quite talkative.

"I put the bag of chicken on the cutting block, like you said, to let it start thawing before you put it in FRIG II. It's in a styrofoam bowl--"

"WAIT! That won't be enough! A whole bag of it fits in a bowl?"

"It's still frozen together. Just the way it's balanced, it fits in the bowl. It's enough. It's a whole chicken, in pieces."

"Okay. I'll go put it away."

"Oh, Mom. When I got over there, the door was open!"

 

"NO! Is all the meat thawed out?"

 

"Not the refrigerator. The BARn door! I was afraid somebody broke into the BARn! The door was unlocked, and the lights were on! I looked around. I didn't see anything messed up. Or any animals in there..."

"Animals! What, like POSSUMS or something?"

"I don't know. Or our dogs and cat..."

"Well, maybe Dad went over there this morning before he left to take his cancer girlfriend to the hospital."

"Maybe. I turned off the lights and locked it up."

Turns out Hick did NOT go over there that morning. He had forgotten to turn out the lights and lock up on Sunday evening! Not a good idea with recent ne'er-do-well activity in our enclave.

So here's the fun with the title. When I was a kid, the way to tell a guy his zipper was down was to mumble, "Barn door's open," as he walked by. Because, you know, it wouldn't be fitting to announce loudly, "YOUR FLY IS OPEN!"

Hick had literally left his BARn door open! So in reverse, I announced that Hick was caught with his zipper down. You know. So as not to embarrass him...