Wednesday, May 16, 2018

The Strawberries Have Come Home to Roost

Some Even-Stevening occurred (with a vengeance) last night in Thevictorian household. Hick had come home from the auction. I heard him crank back in the La-Z-Boy. When I finished up what I was doing on New Delly, I went out to talk to him from the bottom of the stairs.

Normally, Hick mutes his 32-level TV volume (18 is sufficient for most people) and communicates while remaining in the La-Z-Boy. But this time, Hick stumped over to sit on the end of the long-couch arm. That discombobulated me, and it took a moment to regain my thoughts. I was in the middle of telling Hick about The Pony's computer-buying experience when he just walked off.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"I feel sick. I have to go. I feel like I need to poop AND vomit."

Yet he took off stumping into the kitchen! When he should have made a left turn to reach the boys' bathroom in five steps, or a right turn to reach the master bathroom in ten.

"THAT'S not where you go to be sick!"

"I was throwing away that bowl from the strawberries. I came in and felt hungry, but then I started to feel sick right after I ate them."

"What else did you have?"

"Just some fish sticks and macaroni at the auction."

"Oh! Well. That must have done it. Were they greasy? Because that's not long enough to get food poisoning from it."

"No. Just regular fish sticks."

"What else did you have with JUST THE STRAWBERRIES?"

"Nothing. I had about three sips of that bottled water. That's it."

"Well, it must be the pulled pork you ate at the flea market on Sunday. Or something from the buffet at the casino last night. Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No! My stomach is just upset."

"Huh. So you could eat the strawberries after I fixed them for you..."

"I said I was hungry when I came in."

"But you weren't going to eat them when I was about to throw them away."


"When was the last time you got anything ready for ME to eat, and put it in the refrigerator so I could have a snack later?"

"It's probably been a few years..."

"It's probably been NEVER! Just sayin'."

He knows I'm right. But to avoid admitting it, Hick hustled his tighty-whitied butt back into the bathroom.


  1. I fix stuff for Mrs. C all the time, and I'm still a jerk.

    1. Props to you for that! And you also watch "Say Yes to the Dress."

      But there’s still the matter of throwing away Mrs. C’s pomegranate juice, and using her vegetable brush on the knives, and some stolen under-towel snacks, and pouring out the used water with a paper towel over it, and bobbing your head in the car…

      You’ve got a lot to overcome yet.

  2. Maybe it's guilt that is upsetting Hick's digestion? Nah, can't be, he doesn't feel guilt. Has to be everything else he ate in the last two days.

    1. Yeah, it wasn't guilt, that's for sure!