Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Hick Isn't Half the Five-Dollar Daughter That Val Was

Going through the swag of his latest storage unit acquisition, Hick found more money. Not a big jar of coins (from which I have already purchased over $40 in assorted denominations, for exact change to get my daily 44 oz Diet Coke), but paper money.

Okay. The Truth in Blogging Law requires me to reveal that Hick found a single bill. Technically, it was less than a single bill.


"Take this to the bank for me. They'll give you another one."

"I don't think so."

"Yeah they will."

"I thought you had to have more than half."

Because what a sweet deal THAT would be! Tearing all your bills in half and taking the pieces to assorted banks to double your money!

"I found it in the storage unit. It ain't gonna hurt to ask."

"Well. No. It won't hurt YOU. I'm the one asking. I bet they won't give me a five. This looks like less than half."

"If they do fine, and if not fine."

"Okay...I'm the one who'll look like a pauper."

"No."

Now what was THAT supposed to mean? That I wouldn't be the one? Or that I wouldn't look like a pauper? Because obviously, I was the person taking that scrap of scrip into the bank. And somebody with money to burn wouldn't be trying to get five dollars for something that should go in the wastebasket.

When I stepped up to the teller, she looked unsure.

"My husband found this in a storage unit, and said you'd give me a new one for it. I told him I didn't think so." Just to show her, you know, that I wasn't a beggar, jonesin' for a fiver to buy a scratcher, or HEROIN.

She asked the teller working the drive-thru window. "Can we give a five for just a part of one?"

"It has to show all the numbers..."

Aha! I KNEW that the entire serial number was on there--

"...on both sides."

Well. So much for that.

I brought that scrap back home so Hick can keep it as a souvenir to remember his 19th storage unit.

8 comments:

  1. I didn't think they would take it, maybe he will find the other half in the next unit he buys.

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    1. You seem pretty certain that Hick will buy again!

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  2. I knew they wouldn't take it. We weren't allowed to accept torn bills at the checkout either unless they weren't completely torn through and could be taped together. Even then the supervisor wasn't happy about it.

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    1. When I worked at Casey's, we didn't have any policy about the condition of the cash. Once I got a SILVER CERTIFICATE dollar. That's just a really old version of a dollar. It was in good shape, but something seemed OFF about it. I took it, then replaced it in the register with a regular modern dollar out of my pocket, and took it home to Hick. He kind of collects unusual money. Big surprise, I know.

      I hate it when I get ripped money back in change. I pass it on as soon as I can.

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  3. Worse is when you get ripped or old money and try to use it at the casino and the machine rejects it!

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    1. When I take out our weekly cash allowance, I make sure to give Hick the most tattered bills, and set the crisp ones aside for myself! From those, I take the very best currency to put in my casino savings stash, sometimes trading out previous bills that are of lesser quality.

      What REALLY upsets me is when a slot rejects a nearly-pristine bill, forcing me to hunt out Hick and ask him to trade me a twenty from his stash of Storage Unit Store money!

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  4. And he tried to cause you a "19th Nervous Breakdown"! Oh you can't sneak those obscure music references by me, Val.

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    1. Seems more like my 119th nervous breakdown. That Hick really has the stones...

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