It Looks Like Val's Nobel Prize Will Be Delayed

Can you believe it? Val's Nobel Prize may be on hold for a while! I know, right? Such a travesty of justice for our much-lauded fake author. Over 100 fake books fake-written in the last couple of years, and THIS is the thanks she gets.

It's not like Val can't tell a story. She's got a million of 'em! I daresay that at present count, she has more stories than she has pennies towards her Future Pennyillionaire Fortune. Like this one from Monday's casino trip with her sister the ex-mayor's wife.

Hick was sweaving driving, so I thought that might keep him out of trouble. He was actually on his good behavior. I daresay Sis didn't have to remind him but a couple of times that he was off the road, first clue being the hum of the wake-up bumps. One of those times was quite coincidental, I'm sure.

On the way home, Hick was pontificating that we never know what might happen. One moment we're here, and the next moment we're gone. He was talking specifically about a guy he knew who disappeared, whose body was found three years later in a lake, having caught his boot on something while fishing at night. "You just never know. Life can change in an instant."

"Kind of like now," said Sis, as Hick swove onto the wake-up bumps.

But that's not the story!

Somehow, the guys got to talking about different cultures. About bathrooms, with the Ex-Mayor bringing up that in China a public restroom is just a hole in the ground. Not that he's ever been to China. And Hick mentioned how the hotels in German don't really have anything separating the shower from the toilet and sink. It's all one molded piece.

THEN Hick went off on a tangent. "Yeah, cultures are different. I'll never forget how my buddy warned me when I was working in Saudi Arabia. 'Hick, don't ever stop to bend over and pick up something you drop. I don't care if you drop a million dollars. You keep on walking!'"

The Ex-Mayor was curious. "Why was that? Was it crowded? Would they run over you?"

"No. Buddy told me, 'If one of these local boys here says it's his money, it's your word against his. They're going to believe HIM. They'll think you stole it. They chop the hand off of thieves. Don't count your money in public, and don't have it loose in your pocket where it can fall out. Because you can't pick it up.'"

"Oh. Wow. Did your buddy have a hand missing? Is that how he knew?" I think the Ex-Mayor was being facetious. Funnin' with Hick.

"No. He had both his hands."

"Oh. Did he know somebody with a hand chopped off?"

 "No. But you could walk through the streets and see people without a hand."

That got the Ex-Mayor laughing. It's not really a funny thing, people with a hand chopped off. But then again, the Ex-Mayor is the one who told us all about a Colombian necktie one Christmas Eve at the supper table...