Sometimes Val's Obsessing Is Grounded in Future Fact

My quiet life of luxury was interrupted Monday so I could take a road trip with my sister the ex-mayor's wife. Of course the ex-mayor and Hick were included. And of course it was the ONE DAY all year that I actually had something else to do.

It was time for the yearly insurance meeting for old nags out to pasture retired teachers who pay to continue their health insurance through the school. I'd gotten a phone call about that meeting last Friday, and Sis sent me a text Saturday morning about this road trip to our new favorite casino.

In keeping with our mom's legacy, planning was undertaken that would rival the launching of the D-Day Invasion of Normandy. To avoid us having two cars in town (but more likely to save Sis the embarrassment of having dirty, dirty T-Hoe parked in her driveway for eight hours), Sis suggested that the Ex-Mayor could pick up Hick at school while I was in the meeting, and then I could join them afterwards at her house for a lunch of Walmart pizza.

Let the record show that I offered to drop off Hick on my way to school, to save the Ex-Mayor a five-mile drive. But Sis insisted that Hick be picked up. Most likely to save herself an extra ten minutes of Hick's company. I completely understand. I warned the Ex-Mayor to obey all speed limits, because the law enforcement in School Town is very enforcement-oriented.

Let the record further show that one of our old nags retired teachers was 10 minutes late to the meeting, because, "Sorry, I was stopped by the police. Only a warning, though!"

Anyhoo...the meeting lasted an hour, and then I headed for Sis's house in A-Cad, which had been car-washed the evening prior, just for this trip. After our quick, non-filling lunch (to save room for the FREE buffet at the casino for supper), we were in high spirits on the 90-minute ride.

This casino has Old-People Day on Mondays. They don't call it that, but we all know their tactics. There were drawings every hour from 1:00 to 5:00 for cash giveaways. Not just free play, but actual MONEY! We got there too late for the 1:00 drawing. Sis didn't want to arrive too early, because we had to accumulate player points after 3:00 for the dinner buffet, and she didn't want us too spend our gambling bankroll too soon.

Sis checked with the desk where we got our player's cards, to find out how we'd know when we had accumulated enough points for the FREE buffet. This casino doesn't have a PIN and interactive display on each slot where you can check your points. All they show is the point total when you insert your card. The lady said that we could bring our card to the desk and she'd look it up, or we could watch our total each time we inserted the card, until it added up to enough points.

Anyhoo...I asked Sis if that desk was where to go if we won. Sis said she hadn't asked, but she was sure that was it. Still, I wasn't certain. After the 2:00 winner was announced (not me), the countdown began. Winners only had 3 minutes to get to the promotions desk with their player's card and ID. If they didn't show up, that money got added onto the final drawing at 5:00. Each minute, they announced that winner's name again. "You only have 2 minutes left to make your way to the promotions desk and claim your prize!"

Again, I wondered if that was the right place. I hadn't seen any other desk, and that one was right up front. We'd only been to this casino once, though, so I didn't know my way around very well. I thought about going up there to ask if it was the place to claim a prize, but then I thought, "C'mon, Val! How egotistical is THAT? Walking up to ask where to claim your prize when you win it!" So I didn't. I figured I'd take Sis's word for it, and cross that bridge when I won.

At 3:00, I was sitting at a Dancing Drums slot, having just hit a $50 bonus. In fact, I was in the middle of cashing out my bonus when the winner's announcement came over the PA system. I stopped midway, having hit the COLLECT button, but holding off on hitting the YES button. Because some slots play music or make beeping noises when your ticket comes out. Besides, I'd already had one ticket jammed, and had to wait for a service technician. So I didn't want to take any chances on being delayed during those 3 minutes I'd have to claim my prize!

I was sitting there, finger poised over the YES button to finish collecting my bonus, when I heard the lady announce, "And our 3:00 winner is VAL THEVICTORIAN!"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

That's the question I asked myself, kind of mumbly, as I hurriedly hit the YES button and tapped my toe waiting for the ticket to print. I only had 3 MINUTES, you know, to claim my prize!

I grabbed my player's card out of Dancing Drums, clutched my ticket in hand rather than stashing it in my gambling purse like normal, and rushed as fast as my creaky knees would allow to the promotion desk. A security guard has just walked up to chat with the only one of the three gals available there. He stepped aside as I invaded his space.

"Hi. I'm Val Thevictorian..."

"Oh. This isn't where you claim your prize. That's at the promotions desk."

"This isn't the promotions desk?"

"No. It's back there."

"Exactly where is that? I don't know my way around here."

"Go to the opposite wall. And then along to the back. You'll come to it."

"You mean, like, back THERE? Kind of diagonal from here?"

"Uh huh. I'll call and tell her you're on the way."

Off I went, careening through not-aisles, like a rat in a maze, eager to get my cheese before it expired. Wait a minute! There was Hick, coming at me from the side.

"You WON!"

"I know! Come with me! I don't know where I'm going!"

"It isn't up front, where we got the cards?"

"No! Come on! Help me find it!"

I came out on the other side of the casino. I saw a bar. Restrooms. A beverage station. WHERE was that darn promotions desk? I had decided to go to the bar and ask someone there. Hick peeled off and headed toward the cashier to ask. But then I saw a gal in a skirt holding a microphone, standing beside an empty stage.

"Do you know where I can claim my prize?"

"Uh huh. This is it! You can tell by the PROMOTIONS sign." She waved her arm, like Carol Merrill revealing a showcase. There, on the wall above the stage, in large purple neon letters, was PROMOTIONS.

WHEW! That was a relief. I think I only had a few seconds left. I filled out a triple self-carbon form, showed my player's card and ID, and was referred to the cashier to claim my prize of $100!

I know, right? Pic or it didn't happen.

After snagging my prize, I ran into the Ex-Mayor. "I heard them announce your name, and I threw up my arms, and yelled, 'YEAH!' The people around me looked at me like I was crazy. I said, 'That's my sister-in-law' but they still looked at me like I was crazy. I probably yelled louder than you!"

That would be affirmative.

Anyhoo...it was quite an exciting trip. I can't say that I was as big a winner on the slots, but I managed to leave with my $100 intact, and several buddies to keep him company.

Good thing I wasn't the winner of the 4:00 drawing. I was sitting on the toilet at the time. I guess even Even Steven has his limits.