Oh, yeah. That's because IT IS!
Here I sit in my dark and lonely basement lair seven days after my birthday...still waiting for a card from each boy. That's not right, people! I used to wipe their butt! I send them a letter every week, regular as clockwork, one with money, one with scratchers enclosed. Yet they cannot take time out of their busy carefree lives to send a freakin' CARD to their mother on her birthday? Not even an eCard! And The Pony had the gall, on the day BEFORE my birthday, to say that my card would be a little late. Since he'd been busy with classes. Okay. That was 8 days ago. WHERE'S MY FREAKIN' CARD??? Sure, Genius called me at the stroke of 9:30 a.m. on my birthday. Excuse me. Did Hallmark declare bankruptcy? I think not. It seems that cards are still in fashion. For sons who LOVE their mother!
Yep! What I'm having here is ONE GREAT BIG MOM-PITY PARTY!
I had to be careful with that designation, you know. Don't want people thinking I'm a GREAT BIG MOM having a pity party. I mean that the pity party itself is great big. Not with a sheet cake and buttercream icing, and balloons, pointy hats, and that clothespin game with a mason jar. Or pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. Not-Heaven, no! That's like an actual party, even though Val might be sulking and stubbing her toe at the tile, refusing to have a good time, after others have gone out of their way to make her birthday special.
Nope. That's not it at all. Because absolutely neither boy has gone out of his way to make my birthday special. Or even wedged five minutes into their own day. Except maybe Genius, who did allot five minutes to a phone call. C'mon, guys. It's not like I'm going to be having many more of these, you know. At least not with all my faculties.
I am seriously considering a paragraph on this topic for their weekly letter.
Silly me. As if they actually read the words on the paper that wraps their money or scratchers.
_____________________________________________________________________
BREAKING NEWS!
At 12:53 today, I discovered MY BIRTHDAY CARD in the bowels of EmBee. That's MB. The mailbox.
It's from The Pony. And of course it's not an actual birthday card. It's a FABULOUS card. Close enough. It still puts him ahead of Genius on Val's Who deserves a treat? list. The Pony even wrote a message inside. And some of it was even readable!
The Mom-Pity Party is winding down now. Everybody drive safely.
Pony and Genius are boys you know. Your expectations are way out of line.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right. I'll count my self lucky at having raised them right if they can make their own sandwiches.
DeleteI went decades without a card from my son. 'Course the fact that I left him by the side of the road as a wee lad might have had something to do with that.
ReplyDeleteEspecially if you left him dressed in those short shorts that you favored back in the day...I think a boy named Sue would have had an easier time that a short shorts boy.
DeleteI bet you got that card because The Pony couldn't find a birthday card that had Fabulous on it and he probably spent a week searching for one. Sssh! yes, he did. I get cards from my daughters, but not my sons. It must be a boy thing.
ReplyDeleteHad a bit of a giggle at Catalyst.
Yeah! I'm sure that's the explanation. Not that he'd gotten the card for somebody else, panicked because he didn't have a birthday card, and sent it to me instead.
DeleteI guess it really is a guy thing. Or maybe Catalyst is on the right track. I never left The Pony at the side of the road, but I did make a slight faux pas once, and ALMOST left him.
44 ounce Diet Coke?!? Holy crap! Had my mother lived long enough for me to learn to write I would have sent her a card on MY birthday thanking her for going through that for me.
ReplyDeleteLet the record show that my 44 oz Diet Coke lasts all day and part of the night! So it's really just about 4.4 oz per hour!
DeleteAww...you are so sweet. I guess it's my own fault for spoiling my boys. That's what Hick tells me, anyway.
Sad to say, it's a boy thing. My dental hygienist said her boys were home from college/military and spent two hours with her and the rest of the time with her divorced husband, their dad. Her heart was broken.
ReplyDeleteAww...now MY heart is broken for her! I have noticed that since Genius moved out of the house for his freshman year of college, he has started to side with Hick when any option comes up. I can still get The Pony about 60 percent of the time, though.
DeleteI know exactly how you feel! My girls didn't even call on Christmas day. They were punishing me for offering up my opinion on who my granddaughter looks like. Her mother looks just like HeWho is her father. Double chin and baggy eyes. She complains about those features she is not fond of all the time, but was insisting that her daughter looks just like her. I had the nerve to say that Layla was absolutely gorgeous, the perfect genetic combination of her parents. That was twisted around to say that I thought Jill was ugly AND that she was a lazy mother. This escalated to us being kicked out of the other daughter's house after a very loud (screaming) reprimand from younger daughter. They have each received a letter of apology from me and have both denied any culpability in the whole mess. I have announced to both that I will never ever go to their homes without invitation again and that my granddaughter looks like me and that must be the real problem, since I am quite sure they love me ..... but they sure as hell don't like me! I only communicate in letters and email now, so that my words won't be twisted. I must have really pissed off your Even Steven at some point!!
ReplyDeleteWell...I have learned that I'm not allowed to have an opinion. Unless I'm volunteering to be the subject of ridicule.
ReplyDeleteI hope the future Evening of Steven, to sort out this event, comes quickly. And perhaps with a vengeance, though not for you.