Back-of-the-Book-Blurb #97 "The Climes, They Are A-Changin'"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. This week, Val is all about enlightening the masses. Do you know your conspiracy theories? If not, I've got just the fake book for you! And if you DO know your conspiracy theories, I can probably convince you to buy my current faux release without much effort. C'mon! You're already on a government watch list, just from clicking on my page. Might as well get the latest fake book while you're here!

The Climes, They Are A-Changin'

Santa takes a tropical vacation after the holidays. Now, in 2099, the tropical vacation has come to Santa.

As a closet conspiracy theorist, Santa is still in global warming denial. He sits in his BPA plastic chair, contemplating chemtrails, digesting GMO food, waiting for the moon to rise so he can explain to the elves how the Apollo landings were faked.

Santa is still married to Mrs. Clause for the tax break. Her female life partner has moved in, (not that there's anything wrong with that), and neither one of them are baking Santa's cookies. Just as well. Santa has been cutting back, ditching the cookies and milk for a high-protein diet of tuna, despite it being loaded with Fukushima radiation.

What toys is Santa designing this year? Will Elvis and Michael Jackson and Tupac give him any ideas when they drop by to serenade Santa on the summer solstice? (150 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Yellow Plastic Chair..."Get a load of this guy, telling people he's only eating tuna! That's like Thevictorian telling people that she's a fake writer! I refuse to support her. No matter how many times she tells people the secret to her success is 'butt in chair.'" 

Blue Shorts..."You think YOU are mortified, after being exposed to one of Thevictorian's fake books? What about US? We wrote the book on mortification! And much better than any fake effort ever made by Thevictorian."

Melanin..."We're in short supply here at the North Pole. A few more months of ultraviolet radiation, and Santa won't be needing that red suit! He can deliver presents au naturel, in his BIRTHDAY red suit! And speaking of red...that's what color Thevictorian's face should be, after fake-writing this fake book!"

Water, The Matter Formerly Known As Snow..."We have changed state, from solid to liquid, and I know I speak for all of us molecules in wishing that Val Thevictorian would do the same. Change from a state of consciousness to a state of unconsciousness! That should put an end to these fake books! Thevictorian is like an atom. She can't be trusted, because she makes up everything!"

Randy Quaid..."I could play Santa. If I ever work again. We all know that the government and the Illuminati are out to get me. If only Thevictorian was a good enough writer that the Star Whackers would want to off her! I swear, that fake author is nuttier than a...than a...nuttier than ME!"

Tide Pod..."It's time for me to come clean. After fake-reading Thevictorian's latest fake book, I wish that I could bite into myself. Devour myself like an ouroboros. Put an end to the fake suffering that is living in a world with Thevictorian's work."