Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Val Thevictorian is a Wet-Meat Dad

On Father's Day, Hick had the idea to go to the casino. I don't know what got into him, because the casino is my thing, not his. It would be like me proposing a Goodwill tour on Mother's Day. Anyhoo...he may have been heady with success from his last trip, when he cashed out more money than I gave him to start with. Who am I to complain about a trip to the casino?

As part of our routine, we eat at Burger Brothers. It's inside the casino, and the burgers (what else would we eat, anyway? It's not like we're my favorite Gambling Aunt, who ordered an Italian sausage there) are always delicious. Until this time.

Hick went to order. Even though I always get the exact same thing, he has to ask me what I want. A hamburger with pickles and onions only. And fries that I share with Hick. So I told him. And Hick said, "No cheese?" No. I NEVER get cheese. I repeated that I wanted pickles and onions only. He went to order. Then he went to get a free soda. Why buy the pop when you can have the fountain for free? Then he came back to sit and annoy me until our burgers were ready. It always annoys him when the people behind him in line get their food before him. I agree. That's why I try not to see where Hick is in line.

The little disc thingy buzzed to signal that our order was ready to be picked up. Hick returned to the table and set the tray in front of me. I don't know why I had to serve it up! Sheesh! A woman's work is never done! I set Hick's onion rings in front of him. Then started to hand him his burger. Wait a minute! I couldn't tell which burger was Hick's! It should have been easy. He always gets pepperjack cheese. I could clearly see the white melted cheese dripping along the side of Hick's burger. But wait! It was on both burgers!

Closer inspection showed that Hick's burger did indeed have pepperjack cheese on it. I handed it over. And then began to investigate my own burger. Which clearly had more than pickles and onions only. It wasn't cheese. It was some kind of sauce. White sauce. I didn't want any sauce! I took the top bun off, planning to wipe off the sauce. Hick offered to take it back and complain.

"See? I told them! It's right here on the receipt! 'Pickles and onions ONLY!' She even repeated it to me! I'll take it back."

"No. What are they going to do? Wipe it off? I'm not waiting another 20 minutes for a new one! That's gambling time wasted! I'll try to wipe it off. I can't believe people can't follow simple directions!" Actually, I CAN believe it, but what's the point of venting by hollering the obvious?

It's virtually impossible to wipe white sauce off of thinly-sliced rings of red onion. I blotted off all I could, and then took a bite. You know, I like mayonnaise. And most sauces with a mayonnaise base. I'll even eat Miracle Whip in a pinch. But whatever those Burger Brothers put in that sauce, I did NOT enjoy. It was bitter! How in the Not-Heaven can you make a bitter sauce and slather it on a hamburger? I tried to kill the taste with ketchup. Then mustard. It was not very successful. Of course, I still ate the burger. Are you kidding me? They make really good burgers! Just not good sauce.

We've always had good food there before. You'd think they could at least get the order right. It was FATHER'S DAY, by cracky! For all those Burger Brothers knew, I was a dad who was getting a special treat on my day! And they could not follow simple instructions! They served me, a possible dad, a soggy burger on FATHER'S DAY!

Even if I'd let Hick take it back...would YOU want to eat a meal prepared by the person you complained messed it up the first time? I would have been even more leery of what kind of special sauce might have accidentally been added to the replacement.

14 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Well, maybe you would have, IF they had let you into the casino so you COULD order a burger!

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  2. I almost never complain about my food, you never know what an angry food person might send back.

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    1. Yeah. It's a case of the bitter white sauce you KNOW is a better risk than the probably-forthcoming bitter white sauce you DON'T know, after the cook knows you complained.

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  3. I probably would have eaten it, Miss Cindy woulda been right in the middle of them and her order would have been right in the end, even though I would have had mine finished by then.

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    1. It was really no contest for me. Eat an unpleasant-tasting sauce and take a chance on food poisoning and get right back to gambling...or sit and wait to get what you paid for and miss out on 20 minutes of gambling?

      Dogs eat dead things rotting in the sun all the time, and THEY don't die, right? So surely a little bit of bitter white sauce couldn't do that much damage to my stomach.

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  4. I'm placing my bet that it was melted bleu cheese. Nobody listens anymore!

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    1. I'm not sure she was listening in the language Hick was speaking. The receipt DID say pickles and onions only.

      If that was cheese, it must have been the not-mature kind of cheese! It was very liquid. I've seen thicker bleu cheese dressing than that.

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  5. It wouldn't have been an "accident"... Those bodily fluids would have been added on purpose.

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    1. At least by eating the original unwanted bitter white sauce, I was getting something that wasn't targeted specifically at me!

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  6. This is why I make my own burgers at home. I get exactly what I want on them. Every time.
    Even though you ate the burger, you still should have complained. You probably had someone else's burger and they got yours and complained the hell out of that kitchen.

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    1. I, too, love burgers made at home. As long as I'm not the one making them! Hick is really, really good at grilling burgers. But I'm afraid that the casino might have frowned upon me carrying in the raw meat in my gambling purse, and Hick building a little fire in the no-smoking section to grill them.

      Many years ago, at Sonic, I opened my burger and saw that it was not what I ordered. I pushed the button to call the carhop back out, and she said, "Oh, you got that man's burger. He probably got yours." THEN she took my burger, that I had unwrapped and lifted the bun on, and GAVE IT TO THAT MAN!

      I changed my order. I was NOT going to eat a burger somebody else might have touched. Of course, that man was safe, because everyone knows Val is as pure as the driven snow, and didn't touch her tongue to that burger, and could not have passed on diseases...

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  7. Well, you already know I would have taken it back. I have to hear complaints all day long and am not apt to want to pay for what I am not getting. I would have been a perfect example of tact and diplomacy .... at first.

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    1. Yes! If only you had been with me, I would have sent you back with my burger while I went back to the casino floor to gamble. I would have compensated you for your time, of course, out of my winnings...

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