If Hick's Behavior Continues, the World May Stop Turning on Its Axis

Just when I got back in the groove, bashing ridiculing criticizing sharing Hick's everyday behavior...he has to go and do something to make himself all heroic warm and fuzzy sweet acceptable again.

Hick was off today, you know. As he is every single Friday now. I had some errands to run, and he had a doctor's appointment, meds to refill, a straw hat to buy, and a Goodwill tour to keep him busy. But at 4:30 we were reunited! Uh huh. Hick made a special trip down to my dark basement lair to share his shopping experiences with me.

"Well, I think I did my good deed for the day. I couldn't find my straw hat nowhere. I can keep wearing my other one for now. I was in Walmart checking out and I noticed this lady and her little girl in the next checkout. Well, she wasn't a little girl. She was maybe 14 or 15. You could tell she was special, and it was hard to tell her age. Anyway, she had this little blanket that she wanted. It had bears or something all over it. Her mom asked how much it was, and the checker told her she didn't know. Probably $6.50. So the mom said, 'If it's $6.50, you can have it.' But when the gal rung it up, it was $10.50. The mom said that was too much. So the gal set it aside. I told my checker, [spoken real low, like Hick's version of a whisper] 'Give it to her. I'll pay. Just give it to her.' The girl wasn't throwin' a fit or anything. She just wanted it. I figured I could afford that. So her checker told the lady the total, and as the lady was paying, the checker put that blanket in a bag. And the lady said, 'Wait a minute. We didn't buy that.' And the checker said, 'It's okay. Somebody did. It's been taken care of.' The lady wanted to know who, but the checker said she couldn't tell her. So the lady said what a nice thing that was for somebody to do, and the little girl was happy to have her blanket. They didn't look real poor. They had an okay car--"

"What did you DO, follow them all the way home?"

"Nah. I was walking out behind them and they were parked close to me."

"Okay. That was a really nice thing to do."

"Yeah. I thought you'd be proud of me."

"As long as you weren't stalking them."

You know. I can't let Hick start thinking he's some kind of hero. Not with mud clods still on the floor, and the trash teetering above the rim of the kitchen wastebasket.