Thank goodness those Tornado Alley twisters spared Li'l Val so she could fulfill a higher purpose: fake-writing fake books. Get 'em while they're hot! And this is her 19th one! Okay, so Val skipped a week. Who ya gonna call?
The Elephant in the Viewing Room
Samson had not meant to shuck Chuckles the Clown to death. He was, after all, dressed as a peanut. It was an honest mistake. Now Samson is here to pay his respects. But Samson can't believe what he's hearing. This newsroom crew is making a mockery of Chuckles's life. And death. Mainly death.
That Mary gal is NOT turning on Samson with her smile. Not making his day seem all that worthwhile. He was mortified when Mary laughed. LAUGHED at a funeral! That Mary gal has spunk. Samson hates spunk. He makes a solemn vow to thwart every effort exerted by that Mary gal to make it after all. He'll start with that hat she tries to toss insouciantly into the cold Minneapolis air.
What other tricks does Samson have up his trunk? (133 words)
Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book
Mary Richards…”Ohhhh, Mrs. Thevictorian! Do you have to fake-write me as the villain?”
Lou Grant…”This fake book won't amount to much. And that's not even news. If Thevictorian was a man, I'd pay more for it. Now get out of my way, so I can have a shot of desk whiskey.”
Rhoda Morgenstern…”I haven't fake-read it yet. But I'm going to put it in a window display down at Hempel's.”
Phyllis Lindstrom…”Even Lars says this fake book will never make enough money for Val to rent a studio apartment in my rooming house.”
Ted Baxter…”It all started in a 500,000-word Word document in a basement in Backroads, Missouri. And it should have stayed right there."
Murray Slaughter…”I write for a living. And I'm pretty sure Thevictorian never will. Not even news copy for an idiot."
Gordy Howard…”The saying is that lightning never strikes twice in the same place. As a meteorologist, I know that it does. And I hope it hits this fake book more than once!”
Henry Winkler as Rhoda's date at Mary's dinner party…”I got more respect sitting at the little table eating a half-plate of food than Thevictorian should get for fake-penning this fake tome.”
Sue Ann Nivens…”Mary's dinner parties are more successful than this fake book will ever be. Or my name is not the future Mrs. Lou Grant!"
That Guy at the Newsroom Desk, in the Background Behind Mary and Murray…”I have no words for this fake book."