Friday, May 20, 2016

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #15

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to entice you to buy my fake book.Val's dark streak continues to stand out like a reverse skunk stripe this week. She provides a tale of intrigue. A tale of revenge. A tale, perhaps, of woulda, coulda, shouldn't-a. Won't you fake-buy Val's fake book? Don't cost nothin'...except fake money.


The Truck That Jack Built

It started with an ad on craigslist. "How could a teacher murder one?" Jack responded right away. No need for a teacher to sully her hands with the gritty details. Jack is a...well...a Jack of all trades. Murder included. The secret, though, is to make death look like not-murder. Like an accident. Jack is good at accidents.

“Doorstop-Stealer Dies in Rear-End Collision.” No witnesses to the Dodge Ram brake-check. And no ID of a hooded figure cutting the surveillance camera wire that rainy night late-working credit-stealer Mr. Gumpas was flung 32 feet by a hit-and-run driver on the parking lot.

Business is good. Jack puts personalized plates on his Dodge Ram. Work experience in crime scene investigations and auto repair serves him well.

Will Jack continue to profit from the rancor of purveyors of the 3 Rs? (137 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

TRUCKer Cap of Ashton Kutcher…”I doff myself to Jack, but the author, Val Thevictorian, is mad as a hatter!” 

The Griswold Family TRUCKster…While driving the tribe cross country, I often felt the urge to murder. Kudos to Thevictorian for putting schemes to paper. It's almost as if she lived these scenarios.” 

That 1970s Keep On TRUCKin' Logo…”From the bottom of my hobnail boots to the far-ranging width of my bell-bottom jeans, I despise this poorly-conceived vehicle.” 

Cher, in MoonsTRUCK…”Snap out of it! You do NOT love this book. The author, Val Thevictorian, needs to be slapped with a wooden hand.” 

ThundersTRUCK Book Reviewer for the New York Times…”Not since that red-and-white 1958 Plymouth Fury named Christine has there been a more deadly automobile! While I appreciate the premise, I regret to inform that the writing style of this vehicle is pedestrian. Thevictorian's novel is a wreck.”

8 comments:

  1. "Buy this book or we'll kill this puppy!" (A steal from an old Mad Magazine cover, I think.)

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    Replies
    1. NOOOOO! Not even if they're fake-killing a puppy!

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  2. Val doesn't do fiction because it is too close to home.

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    Replies
    1. Val doesn't do fiction because she lacks an imagination.

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  3. I tried to get this on Amazon but they refuse to carry it!!

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    Replies
    1. That is CENSORSHIP, by cracky!

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  4. You weren't early to the party... I was just a party-pooper when it came to my post...

    ReplyDelete