Friday, May 13, 2016

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #14

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to entice you to buy my fake book. Come over to the fake dark side, and read a fake tale of intrigue, about a lady who would like to get rid of her husband. Let the record show that Val's fake books are PURE FICTION. So pure, in fact, that I could start an ad campaign and use that Pure Michigan announcer. Yes. Fiction. No need to bookmark this fake book blurb, or take notes on the back of a napkin with a dull, stubby golf pencil in case the police decide to interrogate you in the near or far future. Cough up that money now. Let's get Val's fake book on the fake NYT Best Seller List.


Thar She Blows!

Marge Blunderson can’t take it much longer. She married for better or for worse, ‘til death did her husband part. Marge is ready for the parting. Her betrothed never mentioned his fishing addiction. The evening of the wedding, rather than carry Marge over the honeymoon threshold, Cappy A. Hab grabbed a fishing pole and headed for the lake.

Marge saw how it was going to be. She was amazed that Cappy found time to put a bun in her oven. His prosthetic leg doesn’t slow his fishing obsession in the least.

Marge has reverted to her maiden name. Her career in law enforcement taught her that a woodchipper is not an option. Cappy says catfish will eat almost anything. Cappy is not long for this union.

Will Marge start fishing as a hobby? Will she ever have a shortage of bait? Will she remember to buy a fishing license? (149 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

David Berkowitz…”My neighbor Sam's dog, Harvey, told me this fake book was horrendous, and that I needed to do something about it!” 

Theodore Bundy…”I was just telling these cute college girls the other day, 'This has got to be the worst fake book I ever read.' Then I invited one over to help me burn it, because it's hard to strike that match with my arm in a cast. 

The Zodiac Killer…”I sent a letter to the newspaper last week. Among other things, it said, 'Oiwoeihgl Val Thevictorian nvlxiuej jwi swooouyi fake book kuoli wejhcuy kuoieumc piece of crap.” 

Jeffrey Dahmer…”Thevictorian's fake book left a bad taste in my mouth. And for me...that's sayin' something.” 

Jack the Ripper…”I am quite willing to offer my services to Val Thevictorian. It seems that her fake book's manuscript could have benefited from some major cutting.” 

John Wayne Gacy…”I'm not clowning around. Val Thevictorian's fake book reeks of no talent. The fake plot stinks. It needs to be buried where it can never be found.”


10 comments:

  1. Sounds like a killer plot.

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    1. Heh, heh. You're pickin' up what I'm layin' down.

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  2. Cappy A. Hab? I guess if my woodchipper breaks down, there's always "sleeping with the fishes" as an option.

    (Sorry Mr. Linky was late arriving on the scene.)

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    1. Sleeping with the fishes? Cappy will be beside himself. Ain't no sleepin' going to be goin' on, unless it's six feet under in Davy Jones's locker.

      I waited and waited for Mr. Linky, and then published it anyway, with a fake link for my fake-book blurb.

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  3. I meant "Cappy A. Hab. How funny."

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    1. Don't go riling up Cappy. No good can come of that.

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  4. You have shown a dark side with this sinister blurb. I was looking for a concrete block to show up somewhere to hint at what might become of her beloved.

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    1. Yes, I usually try to keep that dark side hidden, lest Val's morbid sense of humor be frowned upon. No concrete block. Let's just say that Cappy's last chore will be feeding the fish.

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  5. I loved the humor you put into the story!! I think she should toss him to the fish! :)

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    1. Oh, yeah. Cappy's gonna be sleepin' with (EATEN BY) the fishes!

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