Monday, March 28, 2016

I Hope This Purchase Doesn't Come Back to Hanta(virus) Hick

Friday night, The Pony and I were watching an episode of The People's Couch, happy as little Gizmo tooting a toy trumpet under the tree on Christmas morning in the Peltzer household, when Hick showed up to give us a dose of Stripe spit.

We knew we were in for something out-of-the-ordinary when Hick came tromping halfway down the basement steps. It was after 9:30. He's usually asleep by then, but since it was Friday, that meant Auction Night. Normally, Hick puts his treasures on the kitchen table until Saturday, when he distributes them amongst his various themed sheds. And sometimes, he does not bother to tell us what he bought, but instead leaves those treasures in his car, and drives over in the Gator on Saturday to spirit them away to the BARn.

"I was at the auction, and they had this big jug with pennies in it."

No fine how-do-you-do or nothin' from Hick. Obviously his news was more important than our show. Couldn't wait until commercial. Or the next day. Good thing we had recorded it to zap commercials as we watched. I put it on pause. Thinking, perhaps, that Hick had scored a fortune and was going to trade in pennies at a car dealership for a new vehicle.

"Nobody else was bidding, and I got it for a dollar! It must have at least two dollars worth of pennies in it!"

Yeah. That's not the amazing part.

"And it's got three dead mice."

Yep. That's my Hick. He paid a dollar for a jug with two dollars worth of pennies, and THREE DEAD MICE!

"No wonder nobody else bid on it. What are you going to do with it?"

"Well, I wanted the container. But I'll put those pennies in my big plastic Coke bottle with my other pennies."

"You're NOT bringing those mice pennies into this house!"

"Oh, Val. I'm going to wash them first."

Not sure if he meant the pennies or mouse corpses.

There's Hick's jug, sitting on the car cover of his 1980 copper-colored Olds Toronado, which now resides under the new carport, since it got a moldy dome light spending a year in one of the freight containers. I told him I couldn't see inside. The penny jar, not the Toronado. So he made sure I could view those pennies in their full glory.



Don't hate Val because she's beautiful, and married to a prize catch like Hick. Hate Val because she has mouse pennies, and you don't.

20 comments:

  1. I assure you I am not a sissy, but EWWWWWW!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll take your word for it. I'm just happy that Hick has made no mention of cleaning out this jug and using it for water!

      Imagine if you had to ask Mrs. Cranky, every time she brought you water, "Is this a fresh bottle, or is it mouse water?

      Delete
    2. We might have to re-evaluate that sissy classification...

      Delete
  2. Never thought of using pennies as mouse bait.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nor did I. During my second year of teaching, when I rented an apartment in an old railroad hotel, I learned that mice LOVE crunchy Cheetos. They stay impaled on the trap, and the mouse never knows what hit him.

      Delete
    2. Great info! (note to self: Crunchy Cheetos for traps at summer camp)

      Delete
    3. Yeah. Not messy. I always caught one overnight. They must go crazy for that unnatural flavoring and coloring.

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. Well...you know that happens when we assume...

      Delete
  4. Hick IS a prize... and the three dead mice are just icing on the cake...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, Madam! "Dead mice" and "icing" should never appear together in a sentence.

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Clearing your throat, the better to taste Sioux's dead mice icing when you lick the bowl?

      Delete
  6. When I was a kid a had a pet rat I loved dearly and she loved nesting in pennies, so I guess I can say I once had rat pennies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who knew? About the pennies, I mean. Was that back when pennies had more copper in them? Maybe your rat had arthritis, and was looking for a remedy.

      Delete
  7. You are one lucky lady, don't you know?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You ain't a-woofin'! Not just ONE dead mouse, but THREE! Hick is better at bringing me surprises than the cats.

      Delete
  8. Dead mouse post office and now...Hick's dead mouse house? Val says no?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If only the post office had known to call Hick to solve their dead mouse problem! He should have kept the $1000 Caravan, and on the side painted a mouse on its back with its eyes X-ed out, in the red circle with a slash.

      "Who ya gonna call? Mousebusters!"

      Delete