OH, THE SHOEMANITY!
The Adventures of Sentient Sneaker
Sneaky had seen the world. If he'd been manufactured a suitcase rather than a gym shoe, he would have covered himself with 1930s era travel stickers. He was a bit of a con. At one time he'd used an alias: Chuck Taylor. Conversely...Sneaky now saw himself as an all-star.
He'd dangled from power lines in Philly. Walked a beat with a gumshoe in Vegas. Accompanied a young girl named Rochelle Rochelle on her strange erotic journey from Milan to Minsk. Kicked back with an aging hippie at the foot of the Himalayas. Lodged himself in the mouth of many a political candidate. Dug in his heels for worthy causes. Throughout it all, he'd stood on his own two feet. But now, Sneaky was tired. Ready to kick the bucket.
Will somebody hoof it across the pebbled beach to save Sneaky before the tide comes in?
Fake Reviews For Val’s Fake Book
Chuck Taylor…”I demand a paternity test. Val's fake book hits a sour note, like the clank of a 30-footer off the rim.”
Dr. Scholl…”This fake book is a real pain in the arch. I prescribe the wastebasket.”
CEO of The Good Feet Store…”This fake book gave me the most scathingly brilliant idea! I have just placed an order for 33,000 pairs of Converse All Stars, to be dropped from a helicopter, FREE, on the populous of Backroads, Missouri. This purchase is guaranteed to garner me $33 million."
Manolo Blahnik…”Wait a minute...that's a SHOE? This fake author clearly has no idea what she's fake writing about.”
Big Brother 13 Houseguest Jeff Schroeder…”This fake author is a clown! And as such, along with her subject matter, has given me flashbacks to a very traumatic time in my life.”
Achilles…”This fake book is like a poison arrow through the back of my ankle! The fake author needs to be dipped in the River Ganges, and hopefully contract a flesh-eating bacterial infection through a blister on her heel.”