Friday, March 25, 2016

Back of the Book Blurb Friday #7

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to entice you to by my fake book. C'mon! What else do you have to do with your fake disposable income? Fork it over and expand your horizons. Better than forking gas station chicken into your gaping maw and expanding your waistline! Stop forking and start faking! Get Val's fake book while it's hot.


OH, THE SHOEMANITY!
The Adventures of Sentient Sneaker

Sneaky had seen the world. If he'd been manufactured a suitcase rather than a gym shoe, he would have covered himself with 1930s era travel stickers. He was a bit of a con. At one time he'd used an alias: Chuck Taylor. Conversely...Sneaky now saw himself as an all-star.

He'd dangled from power lines in Philly. Walked a beat with a gumshoe in Vegas. Accompanied a young girl named Rochelle Rochelle on her strange erotic journey from Milan to Minsk. Kicked back with an aging hippie at the foot of the Himalayas. Lodged himself in the mouth of many a political candidate. Dug in his heels for worthy causes. Throughout it all, he'd stood on his own two feet. But now, Sneaky was tired. Ready to kick the bucket.

Will somebody hoof it across the pebbled beach to save Sneaky before the tide comes in?
(145 words.)

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Fake Reviews For Val’s Fake Book

Chuck Taylor…”I demand a paternity test. Val's fake book hits a sour note, like the clank of a 30-footer off the rim.”

Dr. Scholl…”This fake book is a real pain in the arch. I prescribe the wastebasket.”

CEO of The Good Feet Store…”This fake book gave me the most scathingly brilliant idea! I have just placed an order for 33,000 pairs of Converse All Stars, to be dropped from a helicopter, FREE, on the populous of Backroads, Missouri. This purchase is guaranteed to garner me $33 million."

Manolo Blahnik…”Wait a minute...that's a SHOE? This fake author clearly has no idea what she's fake writing about.”

Big Brother 13 Houseguest Jeff Schroeder…”This fake author is a clown! And as such, along with her subject matter, has given me flashbacks to a very traumatic time in my life.”

Achilles…”This fake book is like a poison arrow through the back of my ankle! The fake author needs to be dipped in the River Ganges, and hopefully contract a flesh-eating bacterial infection through a blister on her heel.”

14 comments:

  1. Val--In your blurb I saw a "Holes" reference, a Seinfeld (of course) reference, and the use of "conversely" (VERY sneaky).

    Yeah, get those Good Feet Store people excited. Then they might get Hick excited.

    Thanks for playing along. One of these days, I might try my hand at some book reviews.

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    1. The Truth in Blogging Law requires me to inform you that the "Holes" reference was a happy accident, since I watch "Parking Wars" reruns every morning, and a couple weeks ago the workers were commenting on the dangling sneakers. Also, in "The House Bunny," Emma Stone suggests that her stick-in-the-mud sorority sisters go out and have fun, like tossing sneakers over power lines.

      You can cut your teeth on some reviews right here, reviewing Val's fake books! They can't be any worse than the reviews she's already gotten.

      Delete
  2. H you painted Sneaky's sole red he would be worth a fortune.

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    1. But not an original Chuck! I could put red lipstick on a pig, and it would still be a pig. But a red sole on an iconic All-Star would change its authenticity.

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  3. Doesn't Hick have a shack for selling old shoes?

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    1. Shockingly...NO! He may have one in the works. It's hard to keep up with him, except for the lumber receipts.

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  4. I hope Sneaky turns out to be a good shoe and not just a heel.

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    1. Heh, heh. I'm sure he'll toe the line. He's pretty straight-laced.

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  5. You need some positive fake reviews. Love the play on words with shoes... you're shoely clever.

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    1. You're tellin' ME! If only I could get some positive reviews for my fake book.

      Glad you like my shoe lingo. Hope you're not just Kedding!

      Delete
  6. This was so cute! I love the perspective and the puns. :)

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    1. Thanks! The word "cute" is not often bandied about when Val is involved in an endeavor.

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  7. What a clever twist on these shoes...a voice with a sole!!

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    1. Heh, heh. I see what you did there!

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