On the Pizza Hut website, I saw that the local franchise had a special for two medium pizzas with up to three toppings for $6.99 each. You can’t always count on that, because the local store sometimes quite rudely tells you, “We don’t honor that.” Mostly in response to national commercials promoting specific deals. What if that’s a racket? What if NONE of the franchises honor those deals? I cry shenanigans.
So…the plan was that if I couldn’t get it cheaper than $11.84, I would get one from Dominos for the midweek special price of a large for $7.99.
I called in the order for pickup, and asked about specials. The girl who answered the phone said that yes, they had the special for two medium pizzas for $6.99 each. So I figured I’d get The Pony’s cheese pizza, and one for Hick, since I had leftovers planned for my supper. I started giving my order, but the girl stopped me.
“You have to have a topping.”
“I don’t want a topping. I want a cheese pizza. Leave off the topping.”
“No. I can’t give you a cheese pizza. It has to have up to three toppings.”
“I don’t know why not. You’re just leaving off the topping.”
“It’s part of the deal. I can only give it to you if you have toppings.”
So I tried to think what would be easiest to pick off. I decided on sausage and green pepper. I could have the green pepper with leftover meatloaf, and I could put the sausage on Hick’s. So I got Hick a pepperoni, bacon, and beef thin crust, along with the pan pizza carrying unwanted sausage and peppers on top for The Pony.
I got to the window with my money ready. $15.22. Yes. I know it was more than $11.84, but it was TWO pizzas, by cracky! With at least two meals for Hick for that extra $3.38. An older lady slid open the window. Not the young voice I talked to. I handed her my money. She left and came back.
“Do you have a coupon?”
“No. Do I need one? Nobody told me anything about a coupon. I saw that offer on the website. It didn’t say anything about a coupon.”
“You can’t get two medium pizzas for $15.22.”
“That’s what the girl told me on the phone. She’s the one who gave me the total. That’s how I knew to have that exact change.”
“Well, that’s the online ordering price.”
I just looked at her. Blankly. Because I was starting to think these folks were batpoop crazy. She turned to the girl ringing up an order.
“Did you give her this price on two medium pizzas?” Of course she knew that was the truth, because I’m pretty sure their computer shows who took the order and what the total was. The girl affirmed that she did. The cranky lady came back. “I’ll give it to you for this price. But you can’t order that on the phone. It has to be an online order.” She acted like she was doing me a favor. When all I had done was call in, ask about specials, receive that price quote, and order.
I did not even thank her when she handed me the pizzas, as I normally would have done, even for an overpriced $11.84 pizza. No sirree, Bob! You don’t grill Val Thevictorian over improprieties in pizza price when she has done nothing but be a customer. You’re darn tootin’ they’ll give it to me for $15.22, or I’ll drive away and pay nothing after they’ve already made the pizzas. By cracky, I’ll make them EAT that pizza! Heh, heh. I crack myself up sometimes.
Seriously. How much cheaper is it for them to sell two medium pizzas over the internet than over the phone? EXACTLY! I’m sure they don’t hire a person only to take phone orders. It’s not like I was coming in at 11:00 a.m. every day, ordering two mediums in person, sitting around until closing time getting drink refills, using their toilet paper, causing excess wear and tear on their carpet and chair.
How much cheaper is it to put up to three toppings on a pizza rather than just make it with NO toppings? It’s not like I asked for extra cheese. All I expected was the crust, sauce, and normal cheese, before anything else would be added.
I think Pizza Hut hires a consultant to give seminars on how to be a butthole.
Val Thevictorian will always honor advertised specials at her proposed handbasket factory.