Saturday, February 13, 2016

Hick Skates on Thin Ice

Heh, heh! Not so fast! You're not out of Val's unfortunate cheese-cutting week just yet!

Thursday we were off again for another snow day, after being sent home early Wednesday. Let the record show that the roads were bad when The Pony and I came home Wednesday afternoon. When I pulled into the garage, I asked him to get the long arm of the ice scraper/brush favored by large SUV drivers in cold climes, and use it not to clear off the icy slush from around T-Hoe's windshield wipers, but to instead sweep the icy slush off my running board. That thing is treacherous in the winter. Slush blows up on there as I drive, and then freezes when I park. It's like you have to be Dorothy Hamill or Tonya Harding to get up in there the next day. But not Nancy Kerrigan, because a bum leg and that incessant whining will hinder your climb.

The roads were clear Wednesday night, according to The Pony. He said the lettered county highway and the numbered highway were completely clear. He and Hick made a trip to town to get something for my birthday. Uh huh. Ol' Val has made it another year! It wasn't so much what Hick and The Pony brought me as what they LEFT for me.

Imagine our surprise later Wednesday evening when I got the snow-day text! What a way to go out in a blaze of surprise days off and a lengthened school year!

Thursday morning dawned cold and bright. By 10:00 a.m., the sun had melted the snow from the yard. I decided to make a trip to town. Which is when I found out that Hick is the gift that keeps on giving.

Tra-la-la...Val nearly skipped to the garage, an unexpected day off ahead of her, footloose and fancy free. As I stepped my foot onto T-Hoe's running board, it slipped right back off! A couple inches of slush were clinging there, preventing my ascent. I scraped and scraped with my shoe sole. The long scraper/brush was in T-Hoe's rear, and a puddle of ice was waiting for my not-Hamill, not-Harding, not-even-Kerrigan feet to set foot on it. No sirree, Bob! Val was not falling for that one.

Once the running board was sufficiently tractioned, I stepped up and, with my usual into-the-seat motion, attempted to deposit my ample buttocks onto the cold, cold leather of T-Hoe's driver's seat.

AAGH!

My back was wrenched tighter than the Operation! guy's ankle! The seat was at the maximum forward position. Twiggy herself could not have squoze in there in a single motion. Hick had left the driver's seat on his setting. He gets in on my setting, and hits his, which pulls that seat forward until he can drive it with his belly. I'm surprise he doesn't wear a hole in his shirt when he makes a turn.

Out I went. Back down to the cold concrete floor of the garage. I pushed the "1" setting on the door control, and the seat went back to my position.

It really shouldn't be so hard to make a trip to town on your second-and-a-half snow day of the week.

Don't think you're getting out of here without a report on Friday's misfortune...

16 comments:

  1. Now.I'm pictuing Hick wearing a hole in his shirt while steering. Interesting image.

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    1. Ho, ho! Silly you! Many of Hick's shirts have holes in them even BEFORE he steers with his belly! Which could lead to injury.

      I can hear him now..."Val? Do we have any ointment? My stomach is galded from the steering wheel." Yeah. That's his word for it. I think he means galled. And he really wouldn't specify ointment. He'd just say medicine.

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  2. There's a dark sun over Missoura this week, ah thank.

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    1. Yosemite Sam? Is that you?

      Oops! One state off.

      Delete
  3. Would it be wrong to tell you it was 85 degrees in Phoenix today? You can gloat when it's 121 in August.

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    1. It would not be at all wrong, because I was anticipating TODAY, with it's snowy forecast, and rightfully so, because I just got word of a SNOW DAY for Monday! Which we were supposed to be off anyway, until two snow days last week.

      Once snow season is over, I'll be ready for the 85.

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  4. That Hick. Think of the things he can do with his free hands while he drives, if he uses his tummy...

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    1. NO! You can't MAKE me! I refuse to think of what Hick can do with his free hands while he drives with his tummy.

      Delete
  5. It's like my father always said to me, he said to me, he said, Roseanna Roseanadana, it's always something. If it isn't one thing--it's another! It's always something.

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    1. Heh, heh. If it isn't one thing, it's another. You either break your back getting into your own car, or you have to go to work every day without a snow day. It's always something...

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  6. You must have screamed, "Why me, why me?"

    Mrs. C will not allow me to drive her car for the very reason I might change her setting and we don't have that computerized setting thing. When the car goes for service and the seat is moved she complains for weeks that she can't get it back to where she wants it.

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    1. YES! I DID!

      Mrs. C knows my pain. Because even that computerized setting doesn't put it back exactly. I can still move it a couple centimeters back. AND the mirror memory doesn't make the passenger mirror go back. So I have to look up at the sky because I'm not a runt like Hick.

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  7. you have to be a Dorothy Hamill or Tonya Harding but not a Nancy... You tickle me, as your mom would say.
    My sweet bubba does the same thing, only, when I go to get in, it's like I am falling into bed. He moves the back of the front seat to the front of the back seat when he drives.
    Warmer days are coming next week.

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    1. I guess you guys and car seats are like the Spratt couple and their fat and lean.

      Linda O could sit no seat her hubby had moved back. Mister O tried Linda's seat, and gave his knees a whack.

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  8. I hate it when HeWho changes my seat and mirrors ti his liking. Not like Hick, HeWho wants to lay back to drive. I can't see out the front of the car like that.

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    1. Hick is not your average bear-pawed man. He has tiny feet, too. Almost small enough to fit into that boot that Thomas Jefferson was sitting on taking a crap.

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