Hick Transgression Number 21,658

Okay. So here's the deal. The man who eats six-week-old bologna and expired hot dogs out of Frig II, and tells Genius there's nothing wrong with 24-hour pizza left out all night and day...got a bug up his butt about the deer chili.

On Saturday morning, I stewed up a pot of deer chili for Hick, per his request, using a pound of deer burger that his buddy, Buddy, gave him the week before. He put it in the freezer as soon as he brought it home, and I thawed it in the skillet as I browned it for the chili.

Hick was having a three-hour haircut Saturday morning when I made his chili. I put in less beans than meat, because that's how he likes it. Some diced tomatoes. The chili mix. And I added a quarter pound of bacon, because deer is very lean. I chopped an onion and sweated it. Added dashes of Worcestershire, steak sauce, Heinz 57, ketchup, mustard, minced garlic, BBQ sauce, sweet banana pepper juice...just about everything from the door of Frig II. That chili was ready at 11:00 a.m.

Shorn Hick returned. I told him his chili was ready, and he said he was going down to his creekside cabin, and he'd have a bowl a little later, for lunch. He came back as The Pony and I were leaving to do our Walmart shopping ahead of Sunday's snowstorm. I caught him rummaging around in Frig II.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for room to put that chili when I'm done."

"It will be fine until supper. I leave it on the stove all the time. There's no reason to put that giant pot in the fridge. I plan to put it in those Chinese soup containers. That's what I always do."

We left Hick to his own devices. He didn't even have to warm the chili. It was still hot. I thought everything was fine. Under control. Until I returned from our shopping trip and saw that Hick had not only put away the deer chili, but that he had used a GOOD container. Not that it's Tupperware or anything. But it BURPS! And it has a real lid. And it's part of a set. Do you know how chili stains fake Tupperware?

Thevictorian family's good fake Tupperware:

Chinese soup container like Hick was told to use:

They're not all that easy to confuse. I'm sure even Hick has no memory of bringing home hot & sour soup in a fake Tupperware container. So I asked him,

"What do you think you're doing? I told you to leave out the chili. And that I was going to put it in the Chinese soup containers. WHY DID YOU USE MY GOOD CONTAINER?"

"Val. It doesn't make any difference."

"Yes it does! Chili stains the containers. I've told you that before!"

"Val. All you have to do is set it out in the sun, and it will fade the stain."

"I told YOU that! Do you see any sun NOW?"

"No. It's starting to snow. But you can do it later. When there's sun."

"The cats always knock them off the porch!"

"It'll be fine."

"Why did you even put it away? Everything else you leave out. And you eat six-week-old bologna and expired hot dogs! Why would you put away the chili you're going to have for supper in a few hours?"

"I just thought I should."

"Why didn't you use the soup containers?"

"Well...I couldn't find the lids."

"The lids are where they've always been! For 18 years!"

I swear. That man is headed down the crooked road to using a potato brush to scrub dishes! Wait! Who are we kidding? Hick is not about to scrub a dish.