From the "You Can't Have Anything Without Some Lowlife Trying To Steal It" Files:
We had a couple of inches of snow last night, on top of a thin glaze of ice. Kind of slippery, but nothing to keep a Tahoe from driving to town for a 44 oz. Diet Coke from the 80-cent store. The Pony and I headed out around noon, and returned before 1:00. We did not notice anything amiss. The main road was clear, but our gravel and county roads were covered.
Hick arrived home a bit earlier than usual, due to a doctor's appointment. He immediately began quizzing everyone as to their whereabouts all day. "Did you go over to the BARn field?" No. No, no, no, and no. He asked Genius, who went to get the mail around 2:00, and The Pony, who doesn't even drive his truck in fair weather. Plus his oldest son, and The Veteran. Negatory on all counts.
"I saw that a truck had been down in the BARn field. It parked by the burn pile where Oldest and The Veteran always park when they come out. There were footprints over toward the trailer. They stopped before getting to the trailer. The truck came in through the field, and left through the field. It went back towards town. Never went past the house."
"Huh. The dogs were going crazy at that end of the house. Maybe they scared him away. They go crazy all the time. Over nothing. You might want to take a wheel off that trailer. Or chain it up. They've been stealing them and selling them for scrap, you know."
It might be time to put the game camera on the front of the BARn again. This would-be thief is not the sharpest blade on the Swiss Army Knife. Who goes out to steal something the day after a snow that will show his tire and shoe treads? With the plethora of programs handing out free stuff to people in need, I can't imagine this trailer-stealing ring is resorting to this tactic to feed their families. The church donation box thief whose picture was published in the paper a couple of months ago didn't look like he'd missed any meals. I'd let the dude hitch up the trailer, throw in a few goats, and show him the way out. But not everybody out here is like that. One of these ne'er-do-wells is going to mess with the wrong person's stuff, and get a backside full of lead. Which is still better than ending up in a septic tank, marinating for over a year.
Whether Hick takes my advice remains to be seen. The tracks weren't there at 1:00, and Hick was home by 4:30. Genius was in and out around 2:00. Who knows. On Tuesday morning, a car stopped on the gravel road in front of the house. Just sat there. I went to the front door and stuck my head out. Funny. They drove off then. I don't know what the deal is. Hick says that car belongs up past us. You can never be too sure what's going on around here, after that body was found in the septic tank last fall. I guess we'll just sit here and wait to be robbed blind. Or stuffed in a septic tank.
Thank goodness we have that pack of vicious, tooth-gnashing dogs that scare off the FedEx man.
I don't own a gun, but if I lived in the country I would.
ReplyDeleteI think posting a huge poster-sized picture of Juno, one depicting her chowing down on cat chow in the garage--will scare any would-be thieves away...
ReplyDeleteIf ever I come to visit you I'll be sure to call ahead and request an escort to your place.
ReplyDeleteI hear guitar twanging. Seriously, watch yourself out there, and don't hesitate to sic those pooches on the would-be thief. Second thought, it might not be a bad idea to take a pair of Hick's bibs and make a scare crow to prop out by the BARn.
ReplyDeleteIt was just that guy with more bags full of hedgeapples. Those dogs scared away your winter supply.
ReplyDeleteA body in a septic tank? How did I miss that post?
ReplyDeleteI recently read someone who said she had a R.O.B.S security system for dealing with thieves or ne'er-do-wells. ROBS means Run Or Be Shot.
I don't like being out here during the winter months. Our close proximity to the interstate is good for business, but makes me a little uneasy at times. I don't have a gun and no matter how I talk, I don't know that I could actually shoot someone. I do keep a can of wasp spray close at hand and would not hesitate to blind someone. I keep a can on the golf cart, too. One day I will write the story about the escaped rapist who showed up here. Not until I no longer own this place, though!!
ReplyDeletejoeh,
ReplyDeleteWe have no shortage of self-defense implements. Because you never know. We just installed lock plate thingies on the doors due to the pry marks we found last month, and the metal basement door now has a giant deadbolt that would stop a charging elephant.
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Sioux,
She's a black dog. The least popular color for pet adoptions. Some people fear them. Like the FedEx man.
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Stephen,
That would be a very good idea. It's like the Old West out here east of you.
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Linda,
I'm not sure we have enough stuffing for a Hick-crow. I've though of having Hick paint a sign on a cedar shingle that says, "Our game camera sees you." Of course, then they would start looking for the game camera, to steal it.
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Eileen,
If it was that guy, he came an extra-long way, because he leaves them for my mom, who is 15 miles away. AND he recently moved to Branson. So that would have been quite a trip.
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Donna,
I did not dwell on it. The less said about it, the better, as a drug ring operating as a motorcycle gang has had the long-armed finger of the law pointed their way.
The problem is, those ne'er-do-wells see our little no-thru-traffic, private property association as a virtual supermarket for their small appliance/off-road vehicle/scrap metal needs. I don't see a solution, short of building The Great Wall of Backroads, or digging a moat.
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Kathy,
Hick always said that if we lived between the prison and the highway, he'd leave the keys in the cars every night, so an escapee wouldn't have to break in looking for them, but could make a quick getaway. That Hick. He's so selfless. Always thinking of ways to help the other guy.