Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Baby New Year Cries For a Bottle Filled With Bargain Diet Coke

I bounded out of bed this morning, ready to start 2014. My plans included brewing a cauldron of vittles cooking a pot of beans and ham, taking The Pony and my own unruly tresses for a haircut, setting in a store of milk and bread for the incoming snowstorm, and procuring my 44 oz. Diet Coke.

Hick tried to monkey-wrench my plans by demanding that The Pony help him take down the Christmas decorations in the yard. It's not like we live in a show home, or even on a well-traveled thoroughfare. I doubt that the folks who have to dodge Hick's goats on the gravel road care if Santa stands sentry until the weekend. The Pony, on the other hand, is like a wooly sheep. I could count him jumping off the new couch as a sleep aid. Every morning, he must run wet fingers through his mop to control the Einstein tendencies.

I put the pot of beans on to boil then simmer. My mom had given me the ham remnants from Christmas, along with a tasty bone for Juno. I chopped the ham and tossed it in with the Great Northerns, and added two cans of blackeyed peas. They're a tradition on the New Year, you know. For good luck. I wrote out some bill payments, called Mom, watched the weather and several episodes of House Hunters along with the Property Brothers hosting the Rose Parade, then whistled for The Pony. I grabbed last night's leftover spaghetti, dipped out some beans and peas and ham, and we left. My mom knows snow is coming. She will feel better with some of my leftovers in her fridge. I stopped for milk and picked up some garlic toast to go with Mom's spaghetti.

Did you know that Terrible Cuts is closed on New Year's Day? Yeah. What's up with that? How dare those shearers not work on one of my ten days off? What's the world coming to? The Pony did not seem to mind. He saw it as a reprieve of sorts. We dropped off Mom's eats, and headed for the bank. Then it was off to get my 44 oz. Diet Coke.

THE PRICE WENT UP 30 CENTS!

It's a sure sign of the apocalypse. A refill for $1.37? I have a good mind to take my business back to the 80-cent refill store! Except for those days I have a hankerin' for gas station chicken, of course. Thank goodness school will be starting up again, and I will only indulge in my magical elixir on weekends. Even I think $1.37 is a bit pricey for a refill. I'm temped to lean my head over under the spigot like Genius at the kitchen sink, and drink my fill before filling a take-out cup.

Hey, have you heard? Backroads is expecting snow again on Sunday, and the coldest temperatures of the year (snort, snort, the year of 2014, how hard can it be to set a record in five days), and it would be just TOO BAD if we missed a day of school after our two-week break.

What with my Diet Coke increase, this vacation is really hitting me in the pocketbook.

7 comments:

  1. They throw you in jail for a 44 oz. soda in NYC, so 1.37 isn't too bad.

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  2. Here in BigCityLand, the snow is falling right now. For the last couple of hours. And there's no sign of it stopping for a while...

    Waaah. This is NOT the time to get snow.

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  3. joeh, sorry that I find this funny (and sad at the same time).

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  4. He Who once had a part-time job at the gas station. We even had health insurance with this job, but his favorite "benefit" was the free refills he got as an employee. He buys his 2 liter bottles by the case and keeps his bubba mug filled at all times.

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  5. joeh,
    Oh, the caffeinity! Surely you jest. I thought DIET Coke was safe. Nobody can drink that much sugar soda. Well. Except for teenage boys.

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    Sioux,
    Why? Because you're already off from school? Then I would have to agree. And if it's because you're out of bread and milk...well, that's your own fault. Any Missourian KNOWS to rush to the store for bread and milk the minute snow pops up in the forecast.

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    knancy,
    You might be thrown in jail for too much soda, but somebody can spring you by bringing a delicious sugar-filled cake with a file in it.

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    Kathy,
    I might have to resort to that method to keep this monkey on my back.

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  6. Maybe that price increase will cause you to cut back on all that soda. I'm currently addicted to Nestle's bottled water, fruit flavor.

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  7. Stephen,
    BITE YOUR TONGUE! Cut back on my 44 oz. Diet Coke? Why not just rip my will to live out from under me like a magician's tablecloth?

    Let the record show that during the work week, I only have my magical elixir on Saturdays and Sundays. And maybe Fridays. I will just have to purchase it from the 80-cent refill store. Besides, my favorite workers from the gas station chicken store have disappeared. The guy with one tooth, the grouchy lady with the heart of gold, the old woman whose dog was eaten by her neighbor's dog...all gone.

    I really should have looked closer at those chicken pieces. Don't want to think about any Fried Green Tomatoes/Whistle Stop Cafe BBQ shenanigans...

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