Shot But Not Forgotten, Val's Next Driver's License Photo Looms in 2031

Worker Gal was at the last slot on the counter. I hobbled over there, and handed her my renewal card. She told me to step over to the picture area, where there was a low counter and two chairs. One was TAPED to the floor! That's the one they make you sit in for a picture now, rather than standing with your toes on a line. The other was in front of the vision-testing machine.

I sat down in front of that machine as directed. Not so easy on these two complainy knees. They don't like to bend past 90 degrees. My toes were against the counter, and I couldn't really get very close to that machine. It was a workout to lean forward enough to put my forehead where many other people have put their foreheads.

"Read me all the letters on the top row."

Well. That was a cypher. There were three sections to the top row. Four letters in each grouping. I ASSUME. I could see NONE of the letters in the left-side rectangle. The middle and right-side letters were perfectly clear. 

"Uh. I don't see anything on the left side. But starting in the middle, the letters are..."

"Okay. Now tell me where you see the flashing light."

It was a pinpoint of light at my right temple. Then another on the left. 

"Now, name these road signs."

"Stop. Merge. No left turn. No U-turn. Uh... Do Not Enter? Traffic lights." That one threw me. It was a red circle with a white rectangle on it. If I saw it, I would not drive there!

"That's fine. You will still have a restriction on your license."

"Wait. I had a restriction?"

"Yes. That's what the "Y" meant. You must have a left-hand mirror on your vehicle at all times."

"Well. That's fine. I always do."

"Verify your information on the screen. Tap OK. Then put your signature on the line."

The screen was a small rectangle on a stand, off to the side of the vision machine. I could barely reach it from my seat. I put my left hand on the side to steady myself while leaning over, and tried to sign. The "pen" wasn't responding.

"It's not sensing the pen. Am I using the wrong end?"

"No. But you can't have your hand on the screen while you do it, or it won't work."

I took off my left hand. Still nothing. I noticed my right hand was resting on the screen, as with any surface where I'm writing my signature. I lifted it up, and did the best with a signature that was ungrounded.

"Now hop over--I mean move over to the other chair so I can get your picture."

Worker Gal told me to look into a blinding light, then snapped my photo. "That will be $27.00."

"Is a debit card okay?"

"Sure. There's a 79-cent fee for that. Is that all right?"

"Yes, that's fine."

"Your license will come in the mail. Use this printout until it gets here, because your other license is void now."

And that was it. I didn't look at my photo on the printout until I was safely back inside T-Hoe. No use. I'm sure they don't allow people multiple photos until they see one they like.

Of course I don't like this photo. I look like a Medusa with a desiccated neck. And my hair? It made me wish I had the coiffure of Nick Nolte in his infamous mug shot. That would be an improvement.