Yesterday after school, my sister-the-ex-mayor's-wife sent me a text concerning a certain portion of our mother's estate. She went on to elaborate on her opinion of a reality TV show we both watch on Tuesday nights.
"To be such a big, nice house, it looked like a dump on the show last night."
"I don't know. I haven't had time to watch it yet."
"I was watching. It was a two-hour special, you know. And during the last half hour, Sonny Boy and his wife stopped by. They talked all the way through the end!"
"I told you, you need a DVR."
"And I told you, the ex-mayor says we're not getting any new bills."
"Tell him you're going to spend your inheritance to get DVR. I think you can afford it."
"Sad thing is, neither one of us would be able to use it! We never could program a VCR. Even MOM could do THAT!"
"I wondered why you always made her record for you when you were gone camping."
"We didn't know how."
"Do you have DISH?" Let the record show that by this time, we were headed out of the school building, and I had The Pony sending my texts for me on my phone as he walked, loaded down with my school bag and water cup, and his lunch bag and his phone.
"Do I have Fish? I don't even know what that is!"
"Sorry. The Pony was supposed to write 'DISH' but the phone autocorrected."
Indeed. Can you imagine getting a text asking you if you had fish? When you had just been talking about electronic recording devices? And surely, you would know what a FISH was, wouldn't you? But I suppose Sis simply wanted to get in a dig at me, her VALedictorian (younger older) sister, asking her if she had Fish, when I meant DISH Network. Or maybe she thought I was asking what was for dinner, and she didn't want to invite me. Or maybe she thought I meant a parasite, or a disease, like the heartbreak of psoriasis. In any case, Sis has cable, not DISH, not Fish, not a VCR. So, sucks to be her, she'll just have to miss her shows when something comes up, because with Genius away at college, none of us around here are smart enough to learn a new system of DVR.
Still. Fish! That set me to chuckling.
That auto-correct has gotten me into some serious trouble. I wish the computer would just let me misspell words.
ReplyDeleteI hate auto collect!
ReplyDeleteI used to know how to program a VCR, but I never got around to watching what I recorded.
Imagine what fun Seinfeld could have had with texting and auto correct.
My husband is right about his observation of me with electronics: two buttons is one too many for me.
ReplyDeleteStephen,
ReplyDeleteI don't know who programs this AutoC dealybobber, but it seems to me that those word corrections are hurtling at breakneck speed down the road toward Inappropriateville! Sometimes the word is even spelled right, but for some reason AutoC seems to think what I REALLY meant to say was...something I would never say. Not even in context.
joeh,
Congrats on your degree in VCR programming. You can hang that diploma on the wall next to your master's degree in Playing 45 Records on a Stereo Turntable. Being a teacher, I keep mine next to my PhD in Mimeograph Machine Fundamentals.
Yeah, Seinfeld had plenty of fun with the two-line phone, and the Wizard electronic organizer. The AutoC would fit right in.
*****
Linda,
I'm livin' in your world. As Genius says (to me), "Technology is not your friend."