Monday, February 6, 2017

I Think Uncle Sam Is Trying to Hook Me Up

Friday I had a not-heaven of a time trying to log into the IRS tax return transcript website. That's because Genius's FAFSA was selected (heh, heh, like it's an honor) for verification, and because I can never get the IRS Data Retrieval Tool to work. Probably has something to do with Genius having his identity stolen a few years back, and needing to use a PIN to file.

Anyhoo...that is the only website I went to that was out of the ordinary. The IRS website.

Saturday morning when I got up and checked my phone...I discovered that I am now a member of EthnicElderlyDatingdotcom! (Not the real name of the website.) Yep! There it was, an email at 4:50 a.m., thanking me for joining. And at 4:52, my photo was approved! Yes siree, Bob! And the bait was just itching to attract this ol' catfish.

Funny. I didn't remember going to EthnicElderlyDatingdotcom and setting up a profile and sending a picture. Huh. I consulted my estranged BFF Google, to see if, perhaps, this might be a scam. You know. Before I got all excited and started opening emails so I could hook up with a complete stranger who would take me away from all this. [Spreads arms and twirls around next to the kitchen sink like Maria von Trapp (nee Kutschera, as portrayed by Julie Andrews) twirling around on a high meadow in the Austrian Alps.]

Huh. This site involves a high risk country. The site is U.S. based, but most likely from China. All contact emails are free ones. Owner: BKing Fu.

WHAT? There aren't people out there attracted to a Val with a wonky eye from ringing her own bell, dressed in a Carhartt sock cap, stretched-out and stained baby blue sweatshirt four sizes too big, holey sweatpants, black socks, and red Crocs? Sorry, ScamAdvisordotcom, but I beg to differ. My email records are right here in black and white. I have left off the numbers some usernames had associated with them. For the privacy purposes, you know, of my perhaps-future-paramours.

6:35 AM--Imread is online right now. He's waiting to hear from you

7:23 AM--Did you meet Milkbone? He's online now!

11:07 AM--Someone just viewed you

11:33 AM--Have you seen his profile? He's online now

12:19 PM--MAW just got online. Check out his profile!

1:36 PM--Someone is flirting with you

1:36 PM--Someone likes you! See who

4:00 PM--Someone has been checking you out

Yeah. I sent them to the 5PAM folder. And that was the end of it. Uh huh. You believe that, right? Val would never go back and look in that 5PAM folder to see if there have been more since Saturday. Would she? Okay. Purely for research purposes...because I know you all have inquiring minds...NINE more. I hope ChooChoo isn't too disappointed that I'm not responding...

All I have to say is...get in line, suitors! Get in line behind my Sweet Baboo. Because he's never more than a couple inches away from me. Ever. Again.

I just find it kind of odd that this happened after visiting the IRS website. I can surf through conspiracy sites all the livelong day, have my computer lock up every couple of weeks on gossip sites, and work crossword puzzles on sites overflowing with ads...yet the one time I go to the IRS website, and nothing else but my regular pages...I am signed up to an EthnicElderlyDating service that is probably scamming out of China.

12 comments:

  1. Val--All you have to do to get Hick back in line is say to him, "There is a whole string of men trying to woo me. If you don't treat me right, I'll dump you and take off with one of them."

    THAT will make straighten up and fly right...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I told him about my internet suitors as soon as I saw the emails! Lest he think I was actively seeking them. He looked flabbergasted.

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  2. There are lots of people out there who are attracted to wonky eyes and sock hats...really.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe that's what my picture showed!

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  3. Exciting Val!!! I once got signed up to a dating site called Badoo (without actually having to sign up for it myself) and they gave me SUPER POWERS! I'm not actually sure what those super powers were but apparently I got them for free because I was super hot!

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    Replies
    1. Somebody must have submitted a picture of you with a hot water bottle down your leggings! That's what made you super hot.

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  4. Oops. Sorry. That will make HIM straighten up and fly right.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're off the hook. The Grammar Police are taking a donut break.

      Delete
  5. Sock hats HAVE been known to turn people on!!

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    Replies
    1. No wonder Hick wanted to hide me from the roofers!

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  6. If Hick wants to hold on to you he'd better up his game in the romance department.

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    Replies
    1. I think he'd rather build a shed around me. Without a door.

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