Friday, February 10, 2017

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #47 "Cash, Cash, Who's Got the Stash?"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Are you a treasure hunter? If so, this week's fake book is for you! In fact, just finding a fake bookstore that stocks it will be a quest of epic proportions. Lucky for you Val has a cache that she can fake-sell you over the innernets. Reserve your copy today, before someone else buries them so they never see the light of day fake-buys the last one!

Cash, Cash, Who's Got the Stash?

Rumor has it that a guy out past the city limits came into a fortune. The source of Nick Thethicktorian's windfall is up for debate. Some say his common-law wife, heir to a thriving black-market handbasket business, was bought out by a secret society preparing for the apocalypse. Others purport that Nick is an international spy/assassin/handler contracted by the job, his fee paid by the government in unmarked bills. A few feel that Nick is dealing hillbilly pharmaceuticals, hidden in Goodwill gewgaws, in a themed shack construction business.

Nick's wife Sal is itching to get her hands on that cash. She's got a scratch-off addiction that would make your skin crawl. With recent winnings, Sal hired Moe Istumbo, the town's only private investigator, to find that money. The deeper they dig, the more secrets they uncover. But will they find a lock box filled with Benjamins? (146 words)


Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Nicolas Cage as Benjamin Franklin Gates in National Treasure..."How Thevictorian got this fake book fake published is quite a mystery. She must have connections with a secret society to pull this off. I'm on her trail, though, just as soon as I steal the Declaration of Independence to look for clues. I sure wish she'd written this tale in lemon juice, and nobody had a hair dryer to decode it."

Indiana Jones..."I would rather be in my classroom droning dryly about ancient history than read this fake book. Why did it have to be Thevictorian? She should be flung into a pit of snakes for subjecting us to this torture!"

Mice..."This fake book isn't even good enough to shred for nesting material! Oh, how we wish this fake author's best-laid plans, like ours to read a good book, had gone awry."

Men..."Us, too. The plan part. We sure as not-heaven don't make nests."

God..."HA HA HA HA HA! That's all I have to say about plans. And this fake so-called book."

X..."As a well-known spot-marker, let me assure you...Thevictorian's fake book will NEVER be found under ME!"

End of the Rainbow..."Here, neither."

Thomas Jefferson sitting on a boot taking a crap..."While this fake book may be suited for the business at hand, I would not be caught dead with a copy of it. Also, let the record, the townspeople, and Nicolas Cage know that my hiney is NOT covering a secret."


  1. Have the names in this fake book been changed to protect the wacky?

    1. Yes. Definitely. Of course, they are not meant to resemble any real people, living or dead...

  2. Val--I keep saying the PI's name aloud, but cannot figure out the pun.

    This week we did NOT share one brain... Our ideas went off in different directions. Strange, yes?

    1. He's kind of like Peter Falk's portrayal of rumpled detective Lt. Columbo. My mom used to watch that show all the time. You never really knew his first name. I just wanted my guy to rhyme with Columbo, and I figured Istumbo would make him sound kind of bumbling.

      Thank goodness your brain got a week off from mine having its hooks in you! Your blurb was done ahead of mine. I just started it around 6:00 p.m. AND...I'm not a rabid fan of Viggo.

  3. Don't know about the black market, but only a basket case would like this novel.

    1. Heh, heh! Then there's hope that I might fake-sell one!

  4. I'm interested despite the reviews. Those backwoods folks bury their winnings in coffee cans on the ground.

  5. It is amazing how many different directions we all took with this picture!! I like the idea of the Goodwill gewgaws! Great blurb!