Sunday, February 5, 2017

Hick is a Wardrobe Shamer

This morning I was sitting in the La-Z-Boy when Hick drove up and parked the Gator in the front yard and rushed past me to the bathroom. It was around 11:15, and I'd been freezing since I got up. So I had on my jammie pants, a short-sleeve oxford shirt, my baby-blue baggy sweatshirt, and my sock cap that I wear outside during my walk. Plus I was covered with a green, orange, and tan afghan that my uncle's friend in Alaska had made for my mom many years ago.

"I'm going to have a shower and head to town for my soda."

"Good. I don't want the roofer to see you in your sock cap."

"Don't you like my sock cap?" It's black. With a square Carhartt logo on the front, and sticks up about four inches of slack from the top of my head.

"I like your sock cap...out in the driveway when you're walking. But you don't need to wear it in the house."

"Is the roofer coming IN the house?"

"No. He'll be on top."

"Then why does it matter?"

"I don't know. I just didn't want him to see you in it."

Let the record show that Hick made no comment on the rest of my attire. No complaints about the jammie pants printed with big stars and moons, nor the sweatshirt four sizes too big, with ripped cuffs dangling by threads.

Had the roofer gotten there early, I had a good mind to stroll out the back door and greet him. In my sock cap. Because Hick is not the boss of me! Even though the power of being in my sphere of influence two extra days a week seems to be going to his head.

Unless Hick was selling peep-show tickets to roofers so they could look through the mini-blinded kitchen windows at me...I don't think he had any say in my indoor wardrobe.

14 comments:

  1. I agree Val, SD is forever trying to stop me from leaving the house with a hot water bottle stuffed down my leggings - I'll reluctantly concede and leave it on the van seat if we are going into a supermarket or something but I genuinely don't see wha his problem is when we are just walking the dog.

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    1. Yes. That is quite an unreasonable expectation. Though the image of you walking along with your hot water bottle DID make me laugh. Still, that's pretty tame, considering the stories you tell about some of your associates in the neighborhood.

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  2. Val--I guess Hick is a fashion icon in your neck of the woods? Does he insist on going about the town and the estate in special ensembles?

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    1. You'd think I was on deck to walk the runway in Milan (but not from Milan to Minsk!) rather than sitting in Hick's La-Z-Boy inside my own home.

      THIS, from the guy who used to buy childhood HOS and The Veteran matching shorts and shirts when they came for weekend visits, even though they are two years apart, and definitely not identical...because it was easier than picking out separate ensembles for each one.

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  3. Be careful; you could end up in one of Hick's sheds!!

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    1. I don't think he's built a mausoleum yet!

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  4. Maybe you should build your own shed and fill it with sock caps.

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    1. And instead of covering it with $10 vinyl siding, I could have somebody knit me a giant sock cap!

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  5. No hats inside...everyone know that!

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    1. Oh, for cryin' out loud, it's not a CAP, it's a sock cap. Which reminds me of a story (shockingly enough).

      Schools don't allow caps inside, and I think I figured out why on CAP DAY. That's a day you could pay a dollar and wear your cap, a fundraiser for some club. Anyhoo...you never saw such a rash of dudes flipping each other's cap off by flicking the bill. Between classes, the hall was like a WWE SmackDown audition.

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  6. What you wear in the house is your own business. Just don't let anyone but Hick see you in that sock cap.

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    1. Yeah. I suppose it makes me particularly irresistible.

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  7. HeWho does not tell me what I CAN"T do. He knows better, because I will do it just to spite him!

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    1. It's taking Hick longer to learn that lesson.

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