Friday, April 1, 2016

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #8

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to entice you to buy my fake book. Today Val treats you to a ride in the country. A book suitable for packin’ in your saddlebags along with your corn dodgers that Chen Lee provided, most likely without the help of General Sterling Price. Come on! Have some true grit and fake-buy my fake book!



Up Against the Wall Redneck Mothers

You watched the reality show! Now get the book! True fake tales of redneck mothers as told by TLC, in the vein of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding.

Just hours after saying "I do," Lucille is contemplating a fine time to leave her new mate, Daddy Warbucks. So what if he has three hungry children and a crop in the field? That devil went down to Georgia! Whose bed have his boots been under?

Lucille’s been lookin’ for love in all the wrong places. This ain't her first rodeo. She brought a child into this marriage that's destined for D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Life ain't getting’ easier for her boy named Sue. Lucille is sleepin' single in a double bed tonight. Down in Chattahoochee, at the Heartbreak Hotel.

Will Daddy W. track her down to make her queen of his double-wide trailer? Will Lucille stand by her man? (148 words)




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Fake Reviews For Val’s Fake Book

Kix Brooks and Ronnie DunnIs it beer-thirty yet? Life's too short to have this fake-book cluttering up your head.

Alan JacksonIt's five o'clock somewhere, boys, and that's as good as beer-thirty for me! Who's cheatin' who? Val Thevictorian is cheatin' all of us out of an honest day's fake pay.

David FrizzellI'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home. And put this book in the john so we can tear pages out of it to wipe our BLEEP!

Tennessee Ernie FordYou load sixteen tons and what do you get? The equivalent amount of crap that this book is filled with!”

Johnny CashNow that I've read this book, I'm throwing it down, down, down into a burning ring of fire. I hopes it burns, burns burns until the flames go higher.”

Dolly PartonHere you come again, writin' worse that anybody has a right to! Val Thevictorian, I've a good mind to send you off for gender reassignment surgery, so when you're done, I can change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot!"

The Judds…Have mercy! Love can build a bridge, but Val can't write a book!
 


10 comments:

  1. The perfect book for inquiring minds that don't want to know unless it's delightfully sordid.

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    1. I may need to add you to my stable of reviewers.

      Look at that picture. How can it not be sordid, unless they are house-flippers moving a brick wall?

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  2. Cranky Old Man...Lucille's a JERK!

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    1. Rumor has it that at the reception, Lucille hid the wedding cake under a towel, and poured Daddy W. a flute of used champagne.

      Delete
  3. I have 11 or 12 song references in the post alone. Or did I miss one or two?

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    1. 13 in the post, including the title. 9 more in the reviews. Not too shabby!

      Delete
  4. Your fake reviews are as entertaining as the fake book blurb. Love it.

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    1. Hmm...that COULD be your way of saying that both my fake reviews and fake book blurb are BREATHTAKING!

      Delete
  5. You have such a flair for words! :) Great job!

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    1. Thanks. My flair for words, along with $1.69, will get me a 44 oz Diet Coke at the gas station chicken store.

      Delete