Up Against the Wall Redneck Mothers
You watched the reality show! Now get the book! True fake tales of redneck mothers as told by TLC, in the vein of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding.
Just hours after saying "I do," Lucille is contemplating a fine time to leave her new mate, Daddy Warbucks. So what if he has three hungry children and a crop in the field? That devil went down to Georgia! Whose bed have his boots been under?
Lucille’s been lookin’ for love in all the wrong places. This ain't her first rodeo. She brought a child into this marriage that's destined for D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Life ain't getting’ easier for her boy named Sue. Lucille is sleepin' single in a double bed tonight. Down in Chattahoochee, at the Heartbreak Hotel.
Will Daddy W. track her down to make her queen of his double-wide trailer? Will Lucille stand by her man? (148 words)
Fake Reviews For Val’s Fake Book
Kix Brooks and Ronnie Dunn…”Is it beer-thirty yet? Life's too short to have this fake-book cluttering up your head.”
Alan Jackson…”It's five o'clock somewhere, boys, and that's as good as beer-thirty for me! Who's cheatin' who? Val Thevictorian is cheatin' all of us out of an honest day's fake pay.”
David Frizzell…”I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home. And put this book in the john so we can tear pages out of it to wipe our BLEEP!”
Tennessee Ernie Ford…”You load sixteen tons and what do you get? The equivalent amount of crap that this book is filled with!”
Johnny Cash…”Now that I've read this book, I'm throwing it down, down, down into a burning ring of fire. I hopes it burns, burns burns until the flames go higher.”
Dolly Parton…”Here you come again, writin' worse that anybody has a right to! Val Thevictorian, I've a good mind to send you off for gender reassignment surgery, so when you're done, I can change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot!"
The Judds…”Have mercy! Love can build a bridge, but Val can't write a book!”