Friday, April 8, 2016

Back-of-the-Book Blurb Friday #9

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to entice you to buy my fake book. This week was a challenge for creatively-challenged Val. Nothing humorous flowed. She can't write mystery. She can't write romance. So today's fake book takes you back to Val's roots to a cliche' setting with cardboard characters. Pony up that fake bankroll and fake-buy this fake book!



Some Cats Are Best Left Bagged

"Ain't no good never comes from lettin' the cat outta the bag." Granny Grunion rocked her chair slowly, snapping beans on the front porch. Heat lightning flashed across the valley. A grasshopper called for a mate. "Some things you'uns need to keep to yoreself. Like when the child don't look like the husban'. An' what you saw the turtles eatin' that rose to the top o' the pond."

"Yes'm. I reckon so." Katy tucked a sweaty tendril of red hair behind her right ear. Cicadas buzzed. She pushed her big toes against the smooth boards of the porch to keep the swing moving. Chewing the inside of her bottom lip, she thought about what she had flung down the second hole of the outhouse this morning.

Granny spat a squirt of tobacco into the dusty yard. "Unh huh. Ain't never no good comes from lettin' the cat outta the bag." (150 words)

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Fake Reviews For Val’s Fake Book

Carl SandburgMy rather tepid experience with this fake book came on little cat feet. I sat on my haunches and read over it. Then moved on.”

TomMe and my buddy Jerry did not find this fake book funny in the least.


GarfieldCan't hold a candle to a good lasagna cookbook! The best thing to do with this fake book is throw it at Nermal.

Puss”My boots were made for walkin'! AWAY from this fake book, posthaste!”

Indiana JonesI could unearth better treasures in a litter box than THIS crappy fake book.”

Grumpy CatMeh. I'd just as soon go back in the bag to live out my 9th life as read this fake book!"

Morris..."Call me finicky, but I'd sooner eat day-old generic cat food than read this fake book."


The Cat in the Hat..."We read this fake book. Beat our heads on the wall. Thevictorian woman has sure got some gall."


10 comments:

  1. Snoopy's friend Woodstock gives this book lllllll-can't make my computer do Woodstock speak.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Technology will bite you in the butt every time. Snoopy himself would not like this book. Because it didn't start on a dark and stormy night.

      Delete
  2. Some books are best for starting fires.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And Val can provide plenty of kindling.

      Delete
  3. Who would know more about cats & their unbagging than Val?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right? It's like this one was tailor-made for Val!

      Delete
  4. Val--Seriously, I think this would make a fabulous book. A mix of humor and horror.

    Think about it after you're retired (she said, without a hint of her normal snarkiness or sarcasm).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It appears the you, Madam, and Joe H have quite different tastes in literature.

      Delete
  5. I really laughed at Granny because I could hear her talking in my head!! (And she is so right too!)

    ReplyDelete