The Pot Head Cometh
Whack A. Doodle has a date. Women are hard to find since the apocalypse. Now there's a new gal passing through Earth's End. Love at first sight. The way the nuclear glow reflects off her silver colander. The gleam in her eye behind the tinted science lab goggles. Her skin, fish-belly white. Whack is taking her to Eve of Destruction, the new diner out on Route 9. He plans to order a possum, roasted right at their table, on a spit over an open fire.
Whack adjusts his chain-mail snood and grabs the handle of his Radio Flyer. He'll pick up his would-be paramour in style, from the rusty 55-gallon drum where she has taken up temporary residence. Whack uses a little elbow grease to shine the smudges off his stainless steel stockpot hat.
Has the apocalypse provided the new beginning Whack has been waiting for? (146 words)
Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book
Stephen King…”This fake book was real bad. It made me want to take a stand!”
Mother Abigail…”Val has infiltrated the fake publishing world like a weasel in a henhouse. She is up to no good book, that’s for sure. No mayhaps about it.”
Tom Cullen…”I can’t read, but I know that Val’s fake book is poison. M-O-O-N. That spells poison.”
Randall Flagg…”I LOVED Val’s fake book. I see a future for her with my organization. She has a dark energy all her own.”
Larry Underwood…”Baby, can you dig Val’s book? The answer is unequivocally NO!”
Frannie Goldsmith…”I would rather have a make-out session with Harold Lauder on a broken-down Vespa than ever see one word of Val’s fake book again.”
Nick Andros…”Although I can’t speak out loud, I am screaming this message from the top of my hands: Val Thevictorian needs to be locked up, and the key thrown away, to keep her from inflicting this type of fake book on us in the future.”
Captain Trips..."You'll never fake-write another fake book, Thevictorian! One of these nights you'll forget to toss a hand towel over your head, and Hick's breather will spew me across your eager nostrils. It's all I can do to save the world from a fate worse than me."