Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Agent Sunny Side Up

My sweet, sweet Juno is getting a bum rap. There's an egg thief around here alright. But it's NOT my silky-coated pooch.

Sunday, Hick was in and out, puttering around with that dad-blasted old fence that he is now running across the front of the house. Because a couple-ten feet by the carport of peeling-white-paint picket fence was not enough against our cedar and green backdrop of homestead. Hick was like a chronologically-challenged Dr. Pepper. Instead of rearing his ugly head at 10, 2, and 4...he popped in at 10:00, 11:00, and 12:30.

I asked if he wanted us to bring him lunch, but at 11:00, Hick declared that no, he was having a ham sandwich from the Easter leavings. I distinctly remember him going into the kitchen to make it, because I had some potatoes, carrots, and onions in a roasting pan in the oven, and I told him that as soon as they were done, I was leaving for town. And I told him there was 7-grain wheat bread, not yet opened, from last week's shopping trip.

The Pony and I were running behind. It was going on 12:30 when we put on our shoes to go out the kitchen door. In walked Hick through the front door.

"Oh. Yous are still here? I thought you'd gone already."

"No. We're a little late. Do you want anything?"

"Just a snack. I'm out of cookies."

"Okay. We're going."

When we got home after 2:00, ol' Dr. HICKer was nowhere to be found. But in Frig II, as we put away groceries, it looked like some ham was missing. Not that I had any claim to it. There was still plenty for me to take in my lunches. But I thought Hick had pulled a fast one. When he came in at supper time, I asked.

"Did you have TWO lunches today?"

"No. Just a sandwich."

"You had that before we left. But I didn't notice so much ham was gone. Like it is now."

"Oh. I had two eggs and some ham."

Let the record show that Hick now keeps eggs from his chickens in the BARn Frig. Because I was tired of the whole bottom shelf being filled with five or six dozen of them before Hick took them to his buyer at work. So that meant he had to go to the BARn, put a couple (most likely 3 or 4) in his pocket, bring them into the house while we were gone, cook them, dispose of the shells, wash and dry his skillet, spatula, plate, and fork, put them away, and act like he never ate eggs.

Perhaps I've been giving Hick too little credit. He IS a master of deception. Maybe he really could be a spy...

14 comments:

  1. I don't even try to put anything over on Mrs. Sherlock Holmes Cranky, she doesn't miss a thing...maybe if I put an towel over my egg shells...

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    1. She already knows the towel trick. Just don't scrub your egg skillet with the potato brush.

      Delete
  2. Although ... you DID rumble him ... Maybe Val should become a private dick (snigger) instead?

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    1. The 13-Year-Old-Self Club applauds you.

      Hick might as well give up the subterfuge. When it comes to outsmarting Val, it's a matter of Hick-and-miss.

      Delete
  3. Ha! A spy? For who? Maybe Sweet Juno is the spy.

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    1. Hick could be working undercover for that drug ring he's planning on driving for, doing business out of the unmarked storefront in the plaza, relying on a convenience store clerk to recruit workers...

      Sweet, sweet Juno IS highly intelligent. With a shiny coat. Maybe Hick was paying her off in eggs so she didn't implicate him in Egg-eat-gate.

      Delete
  4. HeWho is always surprised that I know how much of everything I have in the fridge and can tell him when it leaves. He keeps threatening to build a chicken pen and bring some home ........ like I don't have enough to do!!

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    1. I don't even want to think about what mischief your campers could get into with chickens. And eggs.

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  5. Is Hick's hair silky and shiny? THAT'S what you need to look for...

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    1. Hick's HAIR is what I need to look for.

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  6. You're still eating Easter ham? You guys have iron guts out there in the egg producing part of town?

    And that dream your mom had...Genius IS living away from home without your supervision. Maybe, baby?

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    1. Well, it's not like I slid it off the Easter platter and set it on the porch in the sun on that corner spot where the cats like to lay. It has been cooling its butt on a lower shelf of Frig II.

      AND, FYI, a colleague at the lunch table today had not only slices of her Easter ham, but the whole remains of her Easter ham, CARVING IT WITH A KNIFE! Much to the chagrin of the gal sitting next to her, who bemoaned the fact that she was discarding the butt-end instead of eating it!

      Perhaps you should stick to those see-through Buddig deli slices with a proper expiration date, so as not to upset your delicate constitution.

      NO NO NO on the Genius baby! But rumor has it that a schoolmate a year behind him, attending the same college, just had a surprise baby.

      Delete
  7. Maybe Siouxie came and fixed him lunch and cleaned up.

    Naaaaahhhhh.

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    Replies
    1. Not likely. Unless she was also measuring him for a wood-chipper.

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