Sunday, April 10, 2016

The Pony Has Chlamydia

No, The Pony is not picking up spending money by acting out diseases for medical students. He's no Cosmo Kramer. Nor has he kicked up his heels, jumped the paddock fence, put himself out to stud, and contracted a bacterial infection during his dalliances. Nope. As part of his anatomy class coursework, The Pony was given chlamydia by his teacher. An assignment with a partner to present an STD to the class. The Pony told me about it in the car on the way home.

"Oh. Mom. In anatomy, we're doing STDs. We got to pick our own partner. Penny and I got chlamydia."

"How did you pick your partner?"

"Fourth quarter, she doesn't assign them. She lets us choose who we want to work with."

"So did you pick Penny, or did Penny pick you?" I know The Pony is not one for making the first move, especially to share an STD.

"She was sitting across from me. And Ms. Alloy said we could pick our partners. I looked at Penny, and she pointed at me and at her, so I said, 'Why not?' And then we got chlamydia. Is that the one they call The Clap?"

"Um. No. That would be gonorrhea."

"Oh, yeah. I always get them confused. You know WHY they call it The Clap, don't you?"

"Nooo...and how would YOU know?"

"I had to look it up back when I had health class freshman year. It's because that's how they used to treat it. They took two boards, and...put 'IT' between them, and clapped them together! And if a sailor on a ship found out he had it, they used two oars. When they clapped them together, a lot of the discharge was squeezed out."

"EEEEE! Did that cure it?"

"I don't think it cured it. But apparently it relieved the symptoms. Personally, I think it probably just hurt so much that you forgot about what gonorrhea felt like."

Let the record show that The Pony further informed me, the next day, that he and Penny had their presentation all ready to go, and that they had found several good pictures of what untreated chlamydia looked like.

"You can't go showing pr0n on a PowerPoint!"

"We won't. The pictures we chose are in such closeup that you can't tell exactly what part you're looking at. And we showed Ms. Alloy, and she said they were okay."

"Well...as long as Ms. Alloy approved them. Because it's almost time for graduation, and I don't want you getting kicked out for looking up inappropriate pictures on the school's internet."

I hope Ms. Alloy knows her anatomy.

25 comments:

  1. I'm sure glad I never had the clap!!

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    Replies
    1. I think some public service posters might make folks in the mood more cautious.

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  2. So after their presentation will the teacher clap for chlamydia?

    "The Pony was given chlamydia by his teacher." There's a sentence I'll bet you never thought you would write.

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    Replies
    1. Don't know about the enthusiasm for the The Pony's particular STD.

      Yes, that IS a sentence I never thought I would write. Along with one I never thought I'd say: "Stop plugging your brother's fart hole!" Long story.

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  3. The things I learn visiting here. For the record, I've never had the clap or any other venereal disease.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This IS an educational site, you know.

      That's what they all say.

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  4. Replies
    1. This blog is not written by a little old lady from Pasadena.

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  5. You must be so proud of your Pony,

    And the clap bit... a dollop of medical history as a bonus. Yikes.

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    Replies
    1. So proud. Not everybody in that class got chlamydia, you know!

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  6. Replies
    1. This is kind of like that time I wrote about the feces transplant.

      http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/2013/01/what-we-have-here-is-success-to.html

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  7. Sex ed is visual. She hooked Pony with a finger and come hither? Tell him not to be so easy. Can you imagine the visual on treating clap when out to sea?

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    Replies
    1. The Pony did not want to remain unpartnered.

      Can you imagine ever looking at a sailor the same way again?

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  8. Replies
    1. I hope you mean funny/haha, and not funny/peculiar! My material pretty much writes itself.

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  9. Now, THAT was a blog title that got my attention! But, honestly, your titles are always awesome. Glad to know The Pony didn't actually HAVE the uh...problem!

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    Replies
    1. I LOVE making up titles!

      Well, technically, The Pony's teacher DID give him chlamydia. HEY! That could have been my title!

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  10. I love your titles too, they always make me think I should be more inventive with mine! This one reminds me of the time Miss Mac came home and told me she got an A for her penis assignment and it turned out to be an assignment on the author P Ness ... I guess her school isn't as progressive as the Pony's.

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    Replies
    1. Heh, heh!

      Genius told me as a youngster that he was cleaning up a pile of crap. I scolded him: "We don't talk that way around here!"

      Then he explained further, and showed me, and I realized he was throwing away SCRAP paper from a little project he'd been creating.

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  11. Gonorrhea is nothing to clap about .....

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    Replies
    1. That's what those sailors said!

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