I Make Intra-House Calls

Well, over 24 hours have passed, and the Thevictorian family has not succumbed to a food-borne illness. We must have cast-iron stomachs. I think Hick bought a set at the auction, and installed them while we were not paying attention to him. Or else he has hung them on various walls around the outside of the house, and they are warding off any pathogens that try to invade.

My internet service has been acting up. If the phrase "acting up" can substitute for "doing nothing at all." It runs along just fine, then stops. Maybe for a minute. Maybe for 180 minutes. Give or take. I am like the witch doctor of technology healers. I try everything that's ever worked for me. Close the browser. Open a new browser. Hold my breath. Restart my desktop. Restart my laptop. Jiggle the wires of my connect card dealybobber. Plug into a different USB port. Move my little plastic antenna thingy from the clip-on laptop lid area to the windowsill. Do a system restore on desktop and laptop. Spin around in a circle three times. Turn my head and cough.

The Pony says I am an idiot for doing those things. Not in so many words. He's a polite young man who knows who drives him wherever he needs to go. He kind of gets an attitude in his voice. "That's not going to do anything."

"Then how do you explain that last time, when it connected RIGHT AFTER I DID THE SYSTEM RESTORE?"

"That was a coincidence. It was just time for the signal to come back. What you did had nothing to do with it. It would have connected if you just sat there."

"Okay, Smartypants. What about when I took that little wire out of the side of the connect card, and PUT IT IN THE HOLE ON THE OTHER SIDE?"

"Coincidence."

He went back to the basement, leaving me to lose my hearing sitting in the front window fiddling about with my laptop, Shiba, while Hick watched some UFO show about President Reagan. My auditory health was almost saved, because Hick was sawing logs in the La-Z-Boy when I ascended from my dark basement lair, and I turned the volume down to normal. Then he woke up and thought he'd gone deaf, and jacked the sound again.

I moved the antenna to a different window pane. I tried a different USB port. I disconnected the plug for one minute. I moved the antenna back to the last location where my internet worked. I clicked on system settings. Closed system settings because it was all Greek to me.

AND MY INTERNET CONNECTED!

I told Hick to tread lightly if he got out of his chair. I resisted the urge to fist-pump, and started down the steps. I could not resist needling The Pony. "Uh huh! I got it working. Who's the idiot NOW?"

Can you believe The Pony did not even ask me how I fixed it? And I was all ready with my answer, too.

"I have no idea."