Who's Bringing the Roast Beast?

We have a sign-up sheet in the teacher workroom. A list of who's bringing what to the Thanksgiving potluck lunch on Wednesday. You know, because everybody is simply dying to cook up a tasty treat on the night before they have to cook up a bunch of tasty treats. The timing is off a bit this year, what with a switch in personnel, and our regular turkey-cooker out of the rotation. The pinch-getter volunteered to procure the turkey. The least we can do is provide a covered dish as requested.

Therein lies the problem. Like "aloha" in Hawaii, "covered dish" in our building has more than one meaning. Or so it would seem upon perusal of the sign-up sheet. But before I give you a peek at what's on the menu, let's make excuses for the signers. And also for the Johns whose Hancocks are sorely lacking.

We normally have that potluck today. Monday of the short week. In years past, we have had leftovers on Tuesday and Wednesday. More recently, the bird carcass is picked clean before Tuesday rolls around. A hearty lunch of corn casserole, veggies and dip, and sugar-free desserts are left. So changing the day is not such a big deal anymore. We'll stuff ourselves on Wednesday, and clean up the mess. No lingering lesser babkas to be picked over for two days.

That sign-up list used to be on the back of the door in the teacher workroom. Which is unfortunate, because the door is always propped open. So you really had to search to find the list. In days gone by, people tried to haul in a balanced meal. To not bring what others had already signed up for. As luck would have it, the first signer was usually the Loaf of Bread Guy. You could mark that off your list right away. Now the sign-up paper is on the table by the soda machine. I only found it because I sat down to rest while Kyocera was churning out my copies.

I'm giving my colleagues the benefit of the doubt. They probably thought we weren't having our potluck this year. Or they didn't find the list. But the reality remains. It is Monday. The potluck is Wednesday. Only ten people have signed up. Here's what we're having. Read it, and weep with me.

rolls
hot wing dip
?
chocolate cake
green bean casserole
something
Mississippi Mud cake
dessert
apple dumplings
Farmer's Almanac

Okay. That last one is a guess. Lady of Spain, we adore you. Your writing is beautiful, so stylish, with curlicues and loop-de-loops, yet unreadable. I know you are writing in English, because there are no beginning questions marks, and no funky upside-down exclamation points. I am sure you're bringing something delicious. But the best I can decipher is Farmer's Almanac. Please forgive my monolingualism.

I'm not all that concerned about filling my gullet at Wednesday's brought-in buffet. I could easily spend 39 days on Survivor, all the while giving my share of rice to one of those little skeletal girls without ever feeling the bite of hunger. Besides, school dismisses at 1:00 that day. I can grab some gas station chicken on the way home if I feel a mite peckish. Such a meager menu does not cause me undue alarm. Enough is as good as a feast, I've heard.

I guarantee you that more than ten people will show up to eat.