Pooh-Poohed Evidence Left By the Naked Man

Nothing new on the tale of the naked man who broke into the QuickFlip house. Oops! I almost said OUR QuickFlip house. Which it will officially be, any day now. 

Anyhoo, here are a couple of pictures Hick took the next day, since it was getting dark by the time he got to town, and the city police finally sent someone to hear his complaint. I can understand how they might have been busy with more pressing situations. Hick was willing to wait. His issue was with them saying the incident was over, so no need to send anybody to take Hick's report.

Is that any way to treat a(n almost) house owner???

This was the state of the laundry room when Hick went around the house checking for any sign of entry. 

Everything dragged off of shelves and out of cabinets. The door in the background leads into the house. The laundry room is a back porch kind of situation. That is why Hick had the door to the house screwed shut, with a cabinet leaned against it. For security. You know, in case somebody broke in...

The police officer looked at this mess, and told Hick that Nudie couldn't have done it, because he was so sick he couldn't walk to the police car, and had to be helped. Which would imply that either Hick did this damage himself, or lived like that, I suppose! 

Hick also pointed out the damage done to the outer door, to get inside the laundry room.

Sure, it's not the nicest of doors to begin with. But it was a working door. You know, a barrier meant to keep people out, unless they have a key to the lock. What's that? WHERE'S THE LOCK? Oh, yeah. It was beaten off with a yard brick.

That's where the lock WAS. On the doorknob, now just a stump. Nudie's aim with a yard brick must not be very good. Or else he was going to beat his way though the wooden door instead of breaking off the doorknob. Maybe THAT'S why he needed help to walk to the police car. He was exhausted from his break-in efforts! Maybe he was trying to get into the front door using those water jugs. It's a mystery.

The house is being sold AS IS. Like I mentioned before, it's a QUICK FLIP. The Potential Buyer knows a good deal. No wonder she was willing to pay Hick to purchase and install a new metal front door, though he's replacing the back door at our cost.

Never a dull moment in the continuing adventures of Hick, Val, and The Pony.

Naked Shenanigans at the QuickFlip

During the third week of March, Hick was home relaxing on a Thursday evening, having just finished his supper in his recliner. He got a phone call from Half Owner of the QuickFlip, the local one. Half Owner had just gotten a phone call from a lady he knew, who lives across from the QuickFlip house. She said there was a naked man standing on the QuickFlip front porch, and the police were there. She went out and listened. Naked man told the police it was HIS house, and that he'd locked himself out!

Hick immediately took off for QuickFlip, to keep police from letting that guy into the house. It's a 20-minute drive in the best of traffic. Once somebody gets into your house, it can take six months or more of legal battles to get them evicted. Hick called the police on the way, saying he wanted to file a report. [CHIME CHIME CHIME! That's Val's BS Meter shouting a warning. How can you file a report of trespassing or vandalism on a property you don't own???]

The police person on the phone told Hick that they'd already taken Nudie to the county jail. They didn't want to go back to the house. Hick insisted. A Girl Cop showed up. Said that since Nudie was already in jail, she didn't see the point of filing a report from Hick. Hick said he wanted a record of property damages. [We'll get to that part later.]

Girl Cop said Nudie had told them it was HIS house. So Hick couldn't file for damages. She radioed in when Hick complained. The officer on the phone asked if Hick had a key. YES! So they sent another cop. Cop 2 questioned Hick's claim that Nudie broke into the house.

"You can see where he BROKE THE DOORKNOB off the back door! The broken bricks he used are laying right there! And he knocked everything off the shelves in the laundry room. He couldn't open the door into the rest of the house, because I have it screwed shut, with a cabinet leaned against it."

"That guy couldn't have done this. He was sick. He couldn't walk to the car without me holding him up."

"I was here at 9:30 this morning, working on this house, and it was not in this condition when I left. I want him arrested for damages. Not for being nude on the porch."

After a bit more of denying the break-in, Cop 2 gave Hick papers to fill out and bring by the police station.

"He said he just stepped out on the front porch to get his water, and the door closed and locked him out."

"Them three jugs are what I filled up and brought here to flush the toilet while I work. The water isn't turned on. The electric's in MY NAME."

Hick said both cops were young, about The Pony's age. They didn't want to do anything for Hick, seeming to believe Nudie's story. [Funny how they didn't believe the guy with the key, but took a sick naked man's word as truth. I guess that's why they're cops, not judges.]

Hick estimated the damages and replacement door at enough to be a felony. The Prospective Buyer, when informed, said, "Let's not tell Mom this." She also asked for Hick to put a new steel door on the front of the house, for which she would pay, along with Hick's labor.

Hick wondered if maybe Nudie had drank water out of those three jugs. They were tossed off the porch into the yard, their caps off, leaking water. They were POOL CHEMICAL jugs he had on hand from treating POOLIO. Granted, he'd used them to tote toilet water several times, starting with the Flip House. So maybe they were rinsed enough. But I sure wouldn't drink out of them.

That's the last we've heard so far about the incident. By the time anything develops, we or Prospective Buyer will be the legal owner. Not sure what that would do to Hick's police report. It's not like he expected to get any compensation from Nudie. Only to keep him off the porch until we sell the property. If that means Nudie has to stay in the county jail, then so be it. He's better off there than naked on a front porch swilling pool chemicals.

Hick the Stealer-Dealer

Hick is good at making deals that don't involve the secure legal parameters preferred by most people. He's a trader. Knows the worth of items, and proceeds accordingly to procure what he wants. His greatest weakness is wanting something so much that his tactic becomes "split the difference, split the difference." Whereas I will set a price I'm willing to pay, and hang onto it like a snapping turtle waiting for thunder. Which is to say that I'm an asset when buying a car, but not good for much else.

Anyhoo... my original point is that Hick plays loosey-goosey with purchases that a normal person would be leery of, lacking legal backing.

Hick has a crew he hangs out with at the Senior Center. He did a kitchen renovation for one of them in January, while she was out of state on vacation. She knows Hick flips houses, and told him she had a friend and his brother who were wanting to sell their deceased mother's house. It's not far from our Double Hovel flip house. She told Hick that Half Owner recently had an offer on the house, but didn't like the prospective buyer, and refused to sell.

Hick said it wouldn't hurt to take a look, and they drove by. Of course Hick got all excited, assessing the worth from the outside, knowing Half Owner had found the original offer not an insult. After a tour of the inside, Hick came home raving about it, and had already called The Pony. I had to remind Hick that our money was tied up in the Double Hovel. We buy properties. We don't finance them. Hick said he didn't plan to do much to this property. Just some minor cosmetic touches, minimal electrical work to update it with more outlets, and then sell it fast. That it was a bargain.

Hick said he would make an offer contingent on the Flip House selling, or May 1st. The Pony and I discussed it. We finally agreed. Hick met Half Owner, and offered $3000 more than the offer Half Owner had turned down. Half Owner agreed to hold the property until May 1st for $500 in earnest money. Pending approval from his brother in Florida. So Hick stole that deal right out from under the other offerer, for $3000 more and a handshake!

HERE'S WHERE THE DEAL BECOMES WONKY!

Half Owner said Hick could work on the property whenever he wanted. Gave him keys to the house and the mobile home. Said Hick could have any of the contents he wanted. Start renovations. Turn on electric and water. That scared the Not-Heaven out of me! You can't get insurance on a house you don't own! Half Owner had no insurance on it. What if somebody got hurt while helping Hick? But wait, it gets MORE complicated!

While showing the Double Hovel to a lady who wanted to buy it for her mother in another state, and an adult grandson who lives with her, Prospective Buyer said she was worried that the main house had a couple of steps. Didn't want that for her mother, though she liked the Beauty Shop apartment (which Hick had just torn the floor out of and started renovating) for the grandson. Stealer-Dealer Hick had a brilliant idea.

"I have another property you might like. It has a house trailer where the grandson could live separately. It's not far. I can drive you by there."

Well. Prospective Buyer really liked the property we did not technically own! She called the next day and offered Hick an amount that would give us a 60 percent profit! Hick told her he was only cleaning out the contents, and correcting a couple of things in the kitchen. Prospective Buyer said that was okay. All she wanted was a couple of trees trimmed. AND some electrical work, for which she would buy materials, and pay Hick for his labor! A side deal that did not affect our future profit.

Hick discussed it with The Pony and me. We agreed, though my anxiety level increased. Hick had essentially sold a property he didn't own, and was doing renovations on it! All for $500 in earnest money from Prospective Buyer.

Let the record show that the earnest monies changed hands, but the only part of the deal on paper was handwritten by Hick, copied by me (whose printer doesn't work), and signed by all of us. No notarization. I'm pretty sure nothing about either deal being legally binding!

Oh, yeah. There was a little problem, and police were called to the property...

Thevictorians' Latest Project

The Pony and I were not pleased to hear OH NO from the lady at the title office. We were there to sign papers that would make us the owner of an investment property. Hick had just left, moments earlier, blissfully unaware of this OH NO moment.

"UPS was just here!" Said The Lady, so casually flaunting The Pony's competitor in his face! "He delivered the papers we've been waiting on from Florida, from the seller. But there's a problem..."

We went into a conference room for the signing. The Lady elaborated that the (half-)owner had ONLY SIGNED ONE PAGE! Not even the page that was  most needed. Just the top page of the packet. She showed us the instructions that were included, about signing ALL PAPERS in the presence of a notary public.

Well. We've been waiting for months already. So this was not a shock. Anything that could go wrong kind of had, already. The Pony and I cut eyes at each other. Sighed. And signed our paperwork. We did not blame The Lady. She was efficient and kind. She even offered to bring papers out to the car for me in the future! I politely declined. They have a handicap ramp. And only one step up into the door. Though their rolly chairs terrified me, The Pony stood behind me so I wouldn't roll away as I sat down.

We called Hick while The Lady went into the other room to try and call Half Owner. Hick was down the street, chewing the fat with his Friday buddy. He came right over. And promptly sat in The Lady's seat, even though I told him twice she was sitting there. Then he moved over, and eyed the puffy peppermint candies individually wrapped in a dish near a pencil holder full of pens. Yes, of course he ate one. No telling how many he had during his appointment 15 minutes earlier.

Anyhoo... The Lady returned, saying he hadn't answered. Hick said he thought the guy was coming in on the 1st, because he had a tractor he wanted to remove from the property. I said, "Isn't THIS the 1st? Maybe you should drive over and see if he's there, getting his tractor."

Just then we heard somebody else arrive. The Lady looked out, and it was Half Owner and his brother, the other Half Owner. So all was well. The papers would get signed, the transaction completed, and Hick will pick up final paperwork on Monday.

Not wanting to take the risk of being longwinded (oh, how Val hates to be longwinded, heh, heh) I will continue with details of this property tomorrow. Be forewarned, it will not end there. Another cliffhanger is on your horizon...