The Way of the Dodo

What is wrong with the drivers of today? That's a rhetorical question, but feel free to provide insight if you desire. 

Nobody gives the courtesy wave anymore! Except on Wednesday, when one out of two DID show me a thank-you. I was headed to town, and had to pull over on the grassy shoulder of our gravel road to let a sedan pass. Hmpf. You'd think it was my sworn duty to get off the road and allow others to go by me without moving an inch out of their unmarked lane. The road is muddy for everyone, you know. And not quite wide enough for two whole automobiles.

Out on the county blacktop road, I saw a full-size school bus approaching. I have a soft spot for school buses, having dedicated my life to school work. I was on a stretch that has no ditch, but a level access to a farmer's unfenced land. I pulled over with two of T-Hoe's tires in the grass, and waited for the school bus to pass. The driver WAVED at me! Not just the courtesy flick of two fingers off the steering wheel, but a full-fledged WAVE of the palm back and forth. It warmed my heart cockles.

Do only old people understand this courtesy wave? Many times, I stop and wait for an oncoming car to cross the low-water bridge. Maybe one in five give me the courtesy wave. Why don't people teach their children this age-old habit when they are learning to drive? It seems to have gone the way of the Dodo bird.

Nor do I notice drivers warning others of potential hazards. I was raised to give a brief flash of the headlights or bright lights if I had just passed an accident, or something blocking the road, to warn oncoming traffic that they needed to slow down. Nobody does that anymore. In fact, I am sometimes reluctant to give the warning flash, lest a driver take it wrong, and come after me with road rage. 

I suppose I'm expecting too much. I should be happy if drivers merely stay in their designated lane these days, and stop at red lights.

Bargain House Bathroom 2: Mini Progress

Hick has the basic fixtures for Bargain House's second bathroom. He set them in place, just to show the layout. He had originally told me the shower and vanity would be in opposite places. Not that I care where they go. I just don't want him to make a liar out of me!

It wasn't my misunderstanding, or Hick's roundabout way of explaining. The shower WAS supposed to go in that other corner, but when Hick was working on the plumbing in the cellar, he discovered that it couldn't fit. The pipe for the shower drain would have been over a floor joist. With the sink, it's not an issue. The drain for the sink is 2 inches in diameter, while the shower drain is 4 inches.

That's a new toilet. They cost about $100. It's nothing fancy. Apparently Hick had his light source sitting on the floor, judging by the shadows cast on the toilet rim and behind the vanity. He has not wired the bathroom for electricity yet. No problem with the toilet drain pipe being on a floor joist, since it juts 12 inches forward, according to Hick.

It's a small bathroom, but still, it's a bathroom! A second one that will surely be a welcome addition to the people who end up living in this house.

The Universe Heaps More Excrement Upon The Pony

Will The Universe ever run out of ways to torment The Pony on the job? I am beginning to think not. As if Mondays are not bad enough, The Pony had one more issue to deal with this week. At least the weather has improved to clear and low 60s. A regular work day with no overtime. Off at 4:00.

"Headed home. I was pooped on by a bird!"

"That's supposed to be good luck!"

"I do not agree!"

"Understood."

"Because that was AFTER wiping it with a tissue! As revenge, I shall be eating chicken tonight. And mayhap following in your crunchy footsteps next time I have a chance! I crave revenge! Revenge!"

"Best served cold!"

The "crunchy" part was a reference to when The Pony was just a young 'un in elementary school. He and Genius would ride the bus over to my middle school building to wait for me to finish work. Then we'd walk out to the parking lot, where a big tree left a pile of crackly fall leaves on the pavement. Somehow, a bird had expired, and was under those leaves. I managed to step right on it. The crunch was audible over the leaves themselves. Unfortunately, that bird did not move, and this incident happened WAY TOO MANY TIMES, because I couldn't see the bird, or remember exactly where I stepped.

I also had a bird poop on me, while in college, sitting on a stone rail next to the steps. It was green with seeds, and landed on my white Adidas shorts. No time to rush back to the dorm and change. I don't remember it being particularly lucky.

Hick Takes a Shower

Hick found a corner shower for Bargain House on Facebook. He drove 3 hours round trip to get it. The cost was $250. A new corner shower would cost $600. Hick said it came without a door. He knew that before he went to get it. He says the doors are sold separately on this product anyway.

"I bought Old Buddy lunch at a Mexican restaurant, for riding along with me to pick up the shower."

"That was nice of you."

"Well... WE bought Old Buddy lunch. It will be part of my bill for February."

Still, it was a nice gesture. Old Buddy doesn't get paid for time riding. Only for time working.

Hick said the shower guy also tried to sell him the faucet unit for the shower. Hick looked in the box, and there was a piece missing. So he didn't buy it. The guy told him that part is sold separately for this faucet.

"Is it?"

"I don't know for sure. I'll check it out when I go to Lowe's. But I wasn't going to buy something with a piece missing, just on that guy's word."

Hick said he and Old Buddy have all the wood flooring done for the bedroom adjacent to this bathroom. And that he has a pedestal sink and medicine cabinet that won't cost us anything. He saved them when he remodeled a bathroom for one of his Senior Center cronies.

I suppose a $15.00 lunch is a reasonable expense for Hick getting Old Buddy's help.

An OOPSIE For Hick

Saturday morning, Hick left home at 6:00 to go spend the day at his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5). Of course his first stop was Casey's, for his not-so-secret donuts. A terrible mishap befell him there! Of which I was not privy until Hick returned home at 5:15, a bit later than usual.

"I went to step in my truck this morning, and I slipped! Fell flat on my back and hurt my head!"

"WHAT? And you didn't tell me? Right out here?"

"No. I was at Casey's. I put my right foot on the running board. I had ahold of the steering wheel. But when I stepped up, my foot slipped off."

"That's what happens to me! The slush and snow splashes up on our road, and it freezes, and in town it's solid ice on the running board. That's why I keep my long windshield scraper brush handy, to wipe that off before I step in or out."

"You have an actual running board. I just have those pipe things."

"Yeah. But it has that black plastic or rubber part. That's what freezes on mine. The black plastic running board."

"I didn't have my foot on that part. It was on the metal. I was stepping up to put my left foot on the plastic part when I slipped."

"What about your donuts???"

"I THINK I had already laid them on the seat. I hit hard. I've got a big goose egg on the back of my head."

"Are you sure you're okay? No concussion? At least the knot on your head is a good thing, since the swelling is apparently on the outside of your skull."

"I think I'm all right. I got down to my unit, and I noticed I didn't have my glasses. I couldn't figure out what I'd done with them. Then I remembered I had them on when I left for town. I called the kid at Casey's and told him I thought I lost my glasses out front by the sidewalk. He went out to look. Said there was a car parked there, but it had straddled my glasses. They got them out from under, and I just now went by and picked them up."

"Wow! THAT was lucky! I mean that Casey's even had an employee answer the phone, heh, heh. But yeah, lucky that your glasses didn't get smashed, and they kept them for you."

"They're $600 glasses! I'm glad, too!"

Not sure why Hick's glasses are so expensive when he only needs one lens! I think he told me before that they always tell him they have to make two lenses, not just a plain glass one. Seems like a scam to me! What if somebody has good vision in one eye and only needs glass? Anyhoo... Hick said these are the glasses he got after his cataract surgery, and he got the tri-focals or whatever. The blended kind without lines. So I guess they are pricey.

I'm more relieved that Hick is okay. Glasses can be replaced. Hick is one-of-a-kind.

Bargain House Tests Hick

Hick has been working on Bargain House all week, despite snow cover, with temps below zero at night, barely reaching the teens by day. On Thursday, Hick arrived to find Bargain House chilly.

"I went down in the cellar to check the gas furnace. It was heating, but not blowing the warm air. I got to looking at it, and found out it had a bad capacitor. I went to buy a new one and put it on, and got the furnace working again. I stopped by before picking up The Pony from work, and it was still running fine. I hope that's all it was, and that we don't need a new blower motor."

"How much did the capacitor cost?"

"Nothing. It was free. My buddy who runs the electric shop gave it to me. I think it would have been five dollars for him."

That's why Hick is such a prize. Not only can he take apart a furnace and figure out what's wrong, then fix it. He can also get FREE parts from a guy he spends Friday afternoons shooting the bull with.

Double Hovel Strategy

Hick sent me a text on Thursday that Realtor had called him about our Double Hovel flip house(s) listing. It will be six months this week, and our contract with her is up. She wanted to know if we wish to continue her services. That's too much texting for me. So I called Hick.

"I don't have any problems with her. I say we keep it with her office."

"Yeah. She asked if we wanted to reduce the price."

"I don't mind. You know our bottom line. We've given it six months, even though it was mostly through the winter. The slow time. We can still lower it, and have some wiggle room to bargain with. What does Realtor say? She's the one who suggested the current price anyway."

"She said she thought we should lower it by $X."

"I don't think that will help any of the buyers who want it, but can't get their special low/no interest loans. But I think by lowering it, that kicks it back up to the top of the listings. So more people will see it this time around. Realtor knows the market. She's been doing this for a long time. So I'm fine with that. Wait until you talk to The Pony, but I think he'll be okay, too."

"All right. I'll ask The Pony when I pick him up after work."

We'll see how it goes. Warm weather is coming up, when prospective buyers want to drive around and view real estate. I still don't want to rent the property just yet, even though that would make sense (and money). I don't like the thought of irresponsible people tearing up Hick's handiwork.

Bargain House Gets a Second Bathroom

Hick has been working at Bargain House during this recent spate of below-zero weather. He decided to add another bathroom. He said there was plenty of room to do that, because the bedroom on the front of the house is so big. The bedroom that the previous resident had been using as another living room.

"That way, the bedroom can have a bathroom attached. But also, it will be a bathroom off the living room. A shared bathroom. So people don't have to go to the back of the house to use the other bathroom that's off the kitchen and back bedroom. This new one will be a full bathroom, too. With a shower, but no tub."

I wasn't quite sure how this would turn out. Hick has a vision when he gets to puttering around in these flip houses. He doesn't explain his ideas very well, but once I see them, I agree that his instincts were right. Let's walk through the beginning stages...

Here we are in the living room. You can see the arm of that recliner that's still there. The front door of Bargain House is on the right, where that light is coming in, and a spare door is leaning. We are looking into the front bedroom, where the ladder sits. That opening is a doorway that Hick just cut in the wall. The original bedroom door is the opening on the left. THIS IS GOING TO BE THE NEW BATHROOM.

These are the two new doors that Hick hung. He likes to send me pictures of his progress.

This is after the door trim is on. The door on the left came with its framing. Hick will paint the trim on the right door white, to match. This is actually the wood trim from the door he put on the back porch entry. He didn't use it there, but instead framed the outer door with wood boards.

See? Hick's own trim, rather than what came with that door. Hick will be painting that door as soon as the temperature allows. He's thinking of green, to match the roof. Anyhoo... Hick is resourceful, and when his bargain doors don't come with all their parts, he knows how to cannibalize or create what he needs.

This is looking through the door on the left, into what will be the new bathroom. Hick got a deal on 7 boxes of flooring, so here is some of it. The wall straight ahead is where the plumbing will come in for this bathroom, which used to be part of the bedroom and closet. 

There will be a corner shower in the back left corner. The toilet will be against the left wall, facing that white door that leads into the bedroom. The sink will be against that wooden framing on the right, beside the door. This way, Hick says that when you open the door from the living room, to go into the bathroom, you don't see the toilet.

Anyhoo... that's the plan. I'll show more as Hick shares progress with me.

We're 2/3 of the Way to Spring. Someone Tell The Universe.

Val has grown tired of winter. It should be on the way out. With a whimper. Not strong-arming Val into staying home when she could be out buying her own scratchers. Hick's efforts are appreciated, but he is NOT known for his luck with gambling. On the tickets he brought home for me, I won $12 on Tuesday, and $9 on Wednesday. That is NOT a good return on my weekly allowance money.

Looks like we got 5-6 inches. This was a dry, fluffy snow. Very slippery on the roads. Not good for snowballs or snowmen. The good thing is that it will probably melt fast as temperatures rise, with sunlight, which we had until around noon. Unfortunately, temps did not leave the teens, and wind chill was below zero. 

Hick has volunteered to pick up The Pony and drop him off at work on Thursday morning. That will relieve The Pony of scraping off his car, and trying to get out of the driveway. Hick will be going by there anyway, to mail a bill for me, and Genius's weekly letter. Nothing keeps Hick at home. He's been working on Bargain House, and will be within a mile of The Pony's house anyway.

My plans are to stay home until Friday, when the temperature is supposed to reach 30 degrees. I figure our gravel roads will not be clear, but the town roads will be. And I won't freeze to death before help arrives if I get stuck somewhere.

This winter has grown tedious. It's not like I'm working, and appreciate a good snow day (or twenty).

Trapped Again!

Val is homebound again! By her own choice, guided by common sense. Another winter storm is plaguing Backroads. The forecast since last Friday has been proclaiming either 6-9 inches of snow for us, or 9-12 inches of snow. We're on the cusp of where a "dry upper atmosphere" might lessen our accumulation. 

With temperatures in the teens and single digits, and wind chills below zero, I feel it's best that I remain at home until Friday, when it should be partly sunny, with a high of 29. No need to tempt fate.

Poor Pony doesn't have that option. He was back to work on Tuesday, when the storm was due to hit. At least the snow held off until 2:00 p.m., with only a dusting on the ground during morning hours, and a lull waiting for the leading edge of the main weather system. Thankfully, The Pony sent me a text around 3:30 that management had decreed only package delivery. So The Pony could be done around 5:00. At 5:10 he said he was home and warm, so I could stop worrying.

Hick said to tell The Pony to leave on his bathroom heater overnight. And of course to open up his kitchen cabinets so the house heat could keep the pipes warm.

I asked Hick if he should let the water drip at the Beauty Shop, since the last period of such temperatures had resulted in a frozen water line. Hick scoffed at me! Can you believe THAT? And said, "Well, if it snows 6-12 inches, that will insulate the ground over the pipe." Not sure how this will turn out. As much as I love telling Hick "I told you so!" I don't want the pipe to freeze.

Since I will be staying home Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday... Hick is tasked with picking up scratchers for me. The result was not good on Tuesday. Hick got the WRONG TICKETS, despite having two sets of pictures of the only two types of tickets I wanted him to get, as well as having bought these exact same tickets at the exact same places during the last freeze!

I only had two winners, of $6 each. I guess we all have to make sacrifices due to the inclement weather.

A Good Run

Val has been on a winning streak with her scratchers. On Thursday, I bought my regular two $5 crosswords at the Gas Station Chicken Store. I was happy with the results:

That's a $100 winner. I had six words, and the "double" symbol of the money bag was in one. It's the top puzzle. I had across words of: RED, ACE, SORRY. And down words of: BOARD, BUS, and SOY. The last of which contained the "money bag" symbol to double the win.

I was quite happy with that ticket, and thrilled to take it back to the Gas Station Chicken Store on Friday, to show my favorite cashier, and redeem it. But NO! She wasn't there! She was bitten while breaking up a dogfight. But the Woman Owner was behind the counter. So I handed her the ticket, telling her it was a $100 winner. 

Well. Woman Owner refused to take the ticket!

"I'm sorry. Our lottery system is down. We can't check any tickets to cash them in. We've called for support, and apparently all the workers are at a convention right now! I'm sorry that we can't cash in your ticket."

"Oh. Well. It will cash in tomorrow same as it would today. I didn't bring in my money. But I still want to buy tickets. I'll go out to my car and be right back."

Thankfully, nobody was in line to buy tickets. Nobody was in line for anything. I caught them at a lull. I returned with my money, and bought my crosswords, and a $10 ticket that I had planned to squander my winnings on. I was dismayed that the $10 ticket shot right out into Woman Owner's hand. Obviously, the last ticket on the roll. I had gambled on it being in a new roll. They had two different rolls of the same ticket, but I had decided before I left home that this was the roll I wanted.

Good thing I stuck with my plan! That's a $200 winner! I first thought it was nothing, when I didn't match any numbers. Then I scratched off the bonus symbols up top, and was rewarded on the last one:

Yep! $200 on a $10 ticket. I can't complain. Then the next day, I won $100 on a $3 ticket. A winning streak is always nice. But it doesn't last forever.

There's a New Weirdo in Town(s): Part 2

I didn't think any more of my Weirdo encounter at Country Mart on Friday. Until I paid for my bread and onions at 10Box on Saturday. I headed over to the lottery machines. Somebody was at the right machine, so I started at the left. While I was scanning my winners, I noticed something familiar about the guy at the right machine in my peripheral vision.

It was WEIRDO! I didn't get a whiff of him. But he was dressed in the same manner, albeit different clothes. It was his motions that I recognized. Standing in front of the machine, scratching his ticket. AND he was watching what I was doing at my machine. That was a bit off-putting.

Anyhoo... a lady came in and was standing on my side. Waiting. I don't like that. I gathered my tickets out of the tray, and pulled my cart around to wait for Weirdo to be done at the right side machine. It was out of crosswords, but I wanted some $3 tickets there. It crossed my mind to just forget it, and leave. But dang it! I had planned on getting those $3 tickets from that right side machine.

I waited. And waited. Leaning on my cart, pretending to be disinterested. Then Weirdo put a card in the machine. I don't know how that works! I just scan in winning tickets for credit, or put in cash. Anyhoo... Weirdo bought a $10 ticket that has terrible odds! Like 1 in 10. But the attraction is that this ticket can only win $50 or $100. So if you buy enough, or hit it just right, you can get a good return on your money. At least I then knew that Weirdo wasn't just scratching tickets out of the wastebasket while biding time to ask somebody for money or a ticket. He had actually purchased a ticket. Still... no need to block the machine from others while he was scratching.

Weirdo moved over just a little bit. So I moved up and got my $3 tickets. Three of them. I'm really glad I did! The second one was a winner!

That's a $100 winner! If I had left, somebody else would have gotten my rightful prize!

Anyhoo... Weirdo had as much right to be there as anybody else. Even though he was being weird, he WAS buying a ticket. I found it odd that I encountered him two days in a row, in towns about 7 miles apart.

I've been having a heyday with my scratchers. Maybe I'll tell the rest.

There's a New Weirdo in Town(s): Part 1

I was dismayed to see somebody using the right lottery machine at Country Mart on Friday. I always make that my first stop, before entering into the store proper for groceries. The right machine has the crossword tickets that I crave.

At least the left machine was working. I went over there to get the lesser crossword, the $3 version, that I abhor, but get for my favorite cashier at the Gas Station Chicken Store. Tipping is not allowed, but what can it hurt to give a token of appreciation in the form of a lottery ticket...

Anyhoo... I really wanted to get my $5 crossword out of that machine on the right. This weirdo was just standing there! Not buying. Standing in front of the machine, blocking it, while scratching a ticket. It took quite a long time. I was beginning to suspect that he was just going through the motions. Did he really buy that ticket? Or maybe did he get it out of the wastebasket nearby?

Don't get me wrong. I don't begrudge people taking tickets out of the wastebasket. Some people have found winners there. At the very least, they can get tickets to scan into the MOLottery.com app for points towards drawings and free tickets. I don't scan mine in, so when I throw away a ticket after redeeming the winning prize amounts in a machine, they're still good for someone else with the patience to use the points.

Anyhoo... this guy smelled really bad. Not like body odor, but like not bathing. I had pulled my cart over by the unused registers to wait until I could gain access to the machine. I guess the Weirdo got a clue, because he moved over to the side while still pretending to be preoccupied with his ticket. It gave me the creeps, honestly. But I wanted my crossword. Weirdo seemed entirely too interested in what I was doing.

Once I had shopped and was checking out, the older guy who sometimes cashiers called for a young gal employee. "When you're not busy, go tell Manager about that guy. That old man who comes in for the lottery. Oh! Wait. He's back again."

Indeed, Weirdo was at the right machine, talking to some man who was buying tickets. I don't know the nature of their conversation. I had deliberately not made eye contact when I was there, so as to discourage interaction. I could feel Weirdo looking at me, but refused to engage. I'm not sure what was going on with him. Maybe he was waiting for somebody to ask to buy him a ticket. Maybe not. Maybe he was just a lonely smelly guy seeking human contact.

Anyhoo... I got my crossword and escaped without conversing with Weirdo. It was not to be our last meeting...

There, But for the Grace of The Universe, Could Have Gone The Pony

The Pony is not totally unlucky. Sometimes The Universe does not exactly smile upon him, but at least does not thumb its nose. The Pony had to work late on Friday. He sent me a text at 2:30 that he would probably be out until 6:00. Two hours overtime. So I shouldn't worry if I hadn't heard from him at the regular getting-off time.

The Pony also revealed that a fellow worker had been involved in an accident the night before. On the same road The Pony travels every day to and from the office to his route.

"If you go by the auto shop we use, you might see the wrecked LLV (Long Life Vehicle). A rural carrier rolled it over on the big curve by the tracks last night. Someone was in his lane and he overcorrected and it flipped. He's fine. Maybe bruised, but the manager said he was feeling/doing okay when she talked to him this morning, since he had his seatbelt on."

"So glad he's okay. People drive crazy there."

On Saturday, when The Pony was waiting for a tire to be replaced on his Metris, he got some pictures of the wrecked LLV.

The LLV is the square little vehicle that you probably think of when you imagine a mailman driving around.

I blocked out the serial number part of the vehicle identification. Still, you can see how the top dug into the dirt in the rollover.

It held up fairly well, I think. The LLVs were built in the 1980s. They were supposed to last 20 years. Many are still in service today. The Pony was lucky enough to get a route that has a Metris assigned to it. It's a mini van that has AIR CONDITIONING and a heater that actually warms the vehicle. Hopefully, it is as safe as an LLV! That workhorse did its job in protecting the driver.

Bad Luck or Good Luck. It's Relative.

The Pony has had a streak of misfortune lately. Wednesday night was no exception. 

Sometimes, The Pony falls asleep on the couch after work. He's been off this week, taking some days to relax over the week of our birthdays. Which doesn't make him immune from falling asleep on the couch. He has done that throughout his life, on many different couches.

"I woke up in the middle of the night, without any lights on. I got up for the bathroom, the one in the hall. For once I was still wearing pants. When I was done in the bathroom, I bent over to pull up my pants. I smacked my head on the door frame! I got a big knot over my eye."

I learned of this when The Pony came out Thursday to download my tax software on HIPPIE. I'm sure you know by now that technology is not my friend. Anyhoo... The Pony was over in Backroads anyway, for a doctor's appointment for something else. He showed the doc the eye.

"She said if it had been a few centimeters off, I would be in the city right now, seeing a specialist, in an effort to save sight in my eye!"

That's the deadbolt to lock the door on The Pony's hall bathroom. It has a sliding barn door. You can see the outside of it here, before The Pony moved in, with assorted furniture sitting around.

It's a small half-bath. Just a toilet and pedestal sink. Not a lot of room for bending over to pull up pants, even with the barn door open and a light on.

There's the damage to The Pony's eye, but without the knot that later appeared. The doctor took a good look, did some vision testing, checked the pupil reactions. Except for some pain, The Pony was fine. 

Which I guess is actually GOOD luck. Considering...

No Inclement Weather Can Keep Hick from His Appointed Rounds

We were under a winter storm watch on Wednesday. Of course it has turned out to be nothing, after we canceled a casino trip over it. The Pony has taken some vacation days this week, in celebration of our birthdays. He still volunteered to go in and help out a couple days at the post office. Wednesday was not one of them, considering the forecast.

Anyhoo... nothing stops HICK from going to town every day. At least for Casey's donuts. He usually has a project. Like Bargain House. 

"I think me and Old Buddy can still get the boards put on the back of the house. If the snow isn't coming until 8:00, that will give us plenty of time."

Looks like Hick was right. It helps that we got next to nothing anyway. He was able to close in the back porch area on Bargain House. Here's how it looked when we bought it:

Hick tore off the ratty-looking decayed wood, and closed in part of that back porch to make a laundry room/mud room entrance.

Hick also said they got the door hung. You can see the hinges, but the door is open in this photo. Hick will put siding over the wood, he says. He regrets that he HAS the siding to do it, but it is white, and won't match the yellow of the rest of the house. So he can't use it.

You can also see that there's plenty of room for future residents to have a nice covered patio to sit on and watch kids or pets play in the back yard, or have a grill or small table there.

Bargain House Begins: Kitchen

The kitchen of Bargain House needs almost everything! Flooring. Cabinets. I'm not sure about the countertop and sink. Hick says if he leaves the configuration the same, the counter and sink are good. However, he wants to make more cabinet space, and put a corner cabinet at each end. The windows are all fairly new, just not trimmed on the inside. That's a window over the sink, but Hick has it covered so people can't look in and see his tools and supplies.

This process is not a big deal for Hick. He found some cabinets on Facebook that were just the right measurements. However... he noted that they were currently in a 2nd floor apartment. So he didn't pursue them. I guess Hick DOES have a limit for how much effort he wants to put into acquiring materials. That's okay. Other cabinets will come along.

The doors are just stored there temporarily. Hick got them for $50 apiece at the VFW Store. He said they would cost $200 each if he bought them retail. They may not all be used in this house. Hick likes to hoard store things for future purposes. The space under the counter has a gas pipe, which Hick is not sure about. He said maybe there was some kind of oven there. Looking at the ceiling, I think maybe it used to be a stove area, and then someone took it out and put in that counter.

There were not any usable appliances in this kitchen. Hick will make sure it has a stove and refrigerator before we list it for sale. He's good at finding bargains like that. He plans to put them in the area at the right of the above picture, which was taken from the door to the kitchen. 

Here's another angle. The stove and refrigerator would go along that wall where the cabinet and old fridge are standing. With a corner cabinet to extend the counter a bit.

Oh, I misspoke (mistyped?) on the topic of the bathroom door. Hick said it was a 28-inch door that will fit there. Not a 24-inch door. "I HAVE a 24-inch door that I got at the same place. But I plan to use it for a closet." Val stands corrected.

Bargain House Begins: Living Room

Bargain House is small. Nothing special. It has a living room, kitchen, bathroom, and two bedrooms. The living room is a good size, for a small house.

As you can see, the previous owner left some furnishings behind. Hick plans to leave the fake fireplace, since it works. I don't know what kind of shape the chair is in. Hick might be sitting in it to rest while taking a break from working! Or it might be trash and he will haul it off to the landfill. Or he might give it or sell it to one of his cronies. You never know what Hick has in mind until he does it.

Hick says there is enough space in the living room, and that he might add a half-bath. Since Hick does the plumbing himself, it would not cost too much. Just supplies like pipe, and wood for framing, and a toilet and sink. Hick always buys a new toilet, but often finds second-hand vanities or pedestal sinks.

Those drapes will have to go. And the carpet. The walls need a good coat of paint. I find the shape of the ceiling interesting.

Bargain House Begins: Bedrooms

Bargain House, our newest flip house, has two bedrooms. The one in the front of the house was being used as a living room, according to Hick.

The previous owner even left the TV in there. And pictures. The carpet will have to go.

The back bedroom appears to be an actual bedroom:

Nothing too bad in this room. I'm not sure of Hick's plans for the flooring. In the other flip houses, he's taken out carpet and put in laminate wood floor.

The bedrooms will most likely be the easiest part of the rehab of Bargain House.

A Respite from Bargain House for the Latest Offer on the Double Hovel

Hick got a call from Realtor on Friday. She had received an offer for the Double Hovel. Here's Hick's tale.

"Realtor said, 'I know you won't accept this offer, but I'm obligated to present it to you. It's a full-price offer. They will pay $15,000 down, for you to finance the property for them. They will pay you $900 a month.' Of course I said no. Realtor agreed. She said she didn't know this other realtor. That his credentials didn't check out, and she would never want to do business with him."

"Yeah. I agree. Why should we finance it for them? It's not like we would need a loan. It's paid for already. But that would let them get off without paying any interest. And for $900 a month? The main house by itself would rent for that. And they'd still be getting the Beauty Shop to rent or let somebody else live in for free. We're not THAT stupid! Besides, it would take about 15 years until the property is paid off. We might not even live another 15 years!"

"I know. Realtor was right. No way we're taking an offer like that. She DID say that things might start to pick up, once winter is over."

"I definitely want to extend her contract for another six months. It's not like it's costing us anything. Just her commission once it sells."

I haven't revealed this offer to The Pony yet. I'm pretty sure he will agree with us. At any rate, Hick and I add up to 2/3 of our business partnership this time. So the majority is making the decision.

Bargain House Begins: Bathroom

Bargain House, our newest flip property, has one bathroom. Hick has started his renovations there. All fixtures need to be replaced. He said it's not really that big of a job. One of his flip buddies looked at Bargain House, and said he would just clean it up, do some painting, and rent that house pretty much as it is, since everything works. That's not Hick's plan!

You never know what you're getting into until you rip it down to the wall studs! That's what Hick and Old Buddy have been doing this week. Hick will be putting in new pipes. Not because he's reconfiguring the plumbing, but because, as he says, "The old stuff is junk!" He will use PEX pipe, which is plastic and can expand and contract without breaking. He can access the pipes from the cellar, so it's not a difficult procedure.

There will be a new toilet. Hick said he's leaving this one for now, so he has a place to take his potty breaks! I asked Hick if he was leaving the bathtub, and he said no, he was putting in a new one.

"Like a one-piece kind?"

"No. It comes in four pieces. The tub, and three wall sides to surround it. Like I put in the Beauty Shop."

Okay, so it's not one of those molded one-piece things I was imagining.

Looks like there's no damage or mold in the walls. Hick will use USB board, I think. Whatever that waterproof stuff like plywood is, that's meant for moist areas like bathrooms. I saw it on the Lowe's bill. So he's gathering his materials.

Hick found a 24-inch door to replace the old one. He got if for $15 at the VFW store. Hick say's it's pre-hung, which I think means it has the framing with it. Hick certainly has a nose for bargains.

This was only from a couple days' work. Now Hick's off to sell his wares at his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) for the weekend. Then I suppose the remodel will resume.

Bargain House Begins: Cellar

Hick has been working on Bargain House this week. He sent me another picture of the back porch area. All I notice different are little supports on the supports holding up the roof. I'm sure he's been doing more than just placing those little pieces of board, heh, heh! At least he took a few interior photos for me.

We'll start with the cellar. The entrance to it is outside the house. It's why one of the first things Hick did was get a lock to secure that door. He didn't want somebody to get in and try living in a dry area that was warm from the gas water heater, with water available.

The cellar is not an area we would ever consider "livable," but to a homeless person, it might be the Taj Mahal. For flipping purposes, it's much better than a crawlspace.

There's the precious water heater. It looks a little cramped to me, but Hick has made no mention of that being an issue, so I guess it's okay.

The furnace is in good shape, and does not need to be replaced. Here's a chest of drawers that intrigues Hick. He thinks it's probably beyond repair, but is going to see what he can do with it. He likes old things, and thinks this is old. At least he's getting it out of there. One less attraction to anybody who gets in and wants to live in the basement!

More pictures of the inside of the house will be coming, a room at a time, most likely.

Shot But Not Forgotten, Val's Next Driver's License Photo Looms in 2031

Worker Gal was at the last slot on the counter. I hobbled over there, and handed her my renewal card. She told me to step over to the picture area, where there was a low counter and two chairs. One was TAPED to the floor! That's the one they make you sit in for a picture now, rather than standing with your toes on a line. The other was in front of the vision-testing machine.

I sat down in front of that machine as directed. Not so easy on these two complainy knees. They don't like to bend past 90 degrees. My toes were against the counter, and I couldn't really get very close to that machine. It was a workout to lean forward enough to put my forehead where many other people have put their foreheads.

"Read me all the letters on the top row."

Well. That was a cypher. There were three sections to the top row. Four letters in each grouping. I ASSUME. I could see NONE of the letters in the left-side rectangle. The middle and right-side letters were perfectly clear. 

"Uh. I don't see anything on the left side. But starting in the middle, the letters are..."

"Okay. Now tell me where you see the flashing light."

It was a pinpoint of light at my right temple. Then another on the left. 

"Now, name these road signs."

"Stop. Merge. No left turn. No U-turn. Uh... Do Not Enter? Traffic lights." That one threw me. It was a red circle with a white rectangle on it. If I saw it, I would not drive there!

"That's fine. You will still have a restriction on your license."

"Wait. I had a restriction?"

"Yes. That's what the "Y" meant. You must have a left-hand mirror on your vehicle at all times."

"Well. That's fine. I always do."

"Verify your information on the screen. Tap OK. Then put your signature on the line."

The screen was a small rectangle on a stand, off to the side of the vision machine. I could barely reach it from my seat. I put my left hand on the side to steady myself while leaning over, and tried to sign. The "pen" wasn't responding.

"It's not sensing the pen. Am I using the wrong end?"

"No. But you can't have your hand on the screen while you do it, or it won't work."

I took off my left hand. Still nothing. I noticed my right hand was resting on the screen, as with any surface where I'm writing my signature. I lifted it up, and did the best with a signature that was ungrounded.

"Now hop over--I mean move over to the other chair so I can get your picture."

Worker Gal told me to look into a blinding light, then snapped my photo. "That will be $27.00."

"Is a debit card okay?"

"Sure. There's a 79-cent fee for that. Is that all right?"

"Yes, that's fine."

"Your license will come in the mail. Use this printout until it gets here, because your other license is void now."

And that was it. I didn't look at my photo on the printout until I was safely back inside T-Hoe. No use. I'm sure they don't allow people multiple photos until they see one they like.

Of course I don't like this photo. I look like a Medusa with a desiccated neck. And my hair? It made me wish I had the coiffure of Nick Nolte in his infamous mug shot. That would be an improvement.

Val Survives Her Photo Shoot

Val is good for another six years with her driver's license! That's a relief. I wonder if that license office will even exist by then. It sits between two gaping holes down into a lead mine started in 1864, also termed "the world's largest man-made cavern." Poor Pony delivers their mail every day.

I have promised The Pony to NOT drive on that street anymore, on my way to the dead-mouse-smelling post office. Hope he doesn't know something I don't know! Half the entrance to the parking lot of the DMV was blocked off with orange cones and yellow tape around a rectangular metal plate about six feet square. That's the smaller of the two holes.

Lucky for me, a car was just leaving the space next to the single handicap space, so I parked right by the sidewalk leading to the door. No steps to navigate, but that sidewalk was canted sideways, so my gait was like a drunken, ample-rumpused, lame sailor. Not lucky for me was a competitor, an old man who pulled in as I was gathering up my purse and renewal card, and spryly beat me to the door.

I've been going to this office for many years. Inside the door is a window where a lady sits behind a counter. It has no special markings. It seems to be a greeting/receptionist kind of window, so I always stop there. That lady does regular licensing duties. There's a chair. She has given me new license plates before, and renewed old ones. The old man was standing there in front of her. So I waited.

That's the thing. You never know if you're supposed to wait there. On the wall beside her is a red number-dispenser, and a sign saying to take a number. So I did, but still stood there by the door, waiting to see if I needed to talk to that lady.

The waiting room is to the right, at about a 45-degree angle. This is a weird octagon/hexagon shaped building. Nothing was keeping me out of the waiting room. There were five upholstered chairs with wooden arms, and several plastic chairs along the wall of windows facing out to T-Hoe's parking area. All were empty. A young gal was standing at the long counter which has three bank-teller kind of slots for service. I could only see the customer, due to the angle, and not the counter itself or any workers behind.

My number was 47. Several crumpled numbers littered the floor. These were the tear-off tabs. Last time they had square laminated numbers hanging on a hook. I saw number 43 lying on a table at the waiting room entrance. It looked like we were the only three customers. It was 2:40. Young Gal was quite chatty. Her business was complete. The worker was telling her that Fridays are the busiest time, since that's the day of the county driver's license testing, and kids come to get their license if they pass.

Anyhoo... I didn't want to sit down, because it's hard to get up. AND, I wasn't quite sure if I needed to see that window lady to be referred to a specific person. I know where they take the photos at the end of the waiting area, but there's usually not a person assigned to just that task.

After about five minutes, the Old Man sat down. It appeared that he was getting some kind of license plate. I heard a voice from the counter area say, "I can help you down here." Perhaps somebody had just returned from her break, and saw me on the surveillance camera. 

To be continued...

Val's Personal Stylist

I got a notice a while back that my driver's license needs to be renewed. I've only known it would happen for six years now. That's when I last renewed. It wreaked havoc with a casino visit, because my new license had not yet arrived by mail. Can you believe they wouldn't take the expired one??? Even though it was clearly me, and had been me for all the years I used that license there before it expired. Just like bad milk, Val was good one day, and poison the next! At least I had that tiny slip of paper the DMV gave me to use during the interim. Which was perfectly fine with those casino people, even though it seems to me that such a "document" could be more easily faked than a laminated picture license.

Anyhoo... I am not looking forward to this renewal. It's only in Backroads, a ten minute drive from home. But that office sits over the gaping collapsing hole down into the lead mines. I do not want to dawdle! Also, I do not relish having my picture taken. My lovely lady-mullet is quite straggly. I make no pretense of coloring it since I've retired, and don't need to present a less-feeble front to 180 students per day who might be tempted to overthrow my authority.

Anyhoo... I asked Hick if he would trim my hair. Just the length, back to shoulder level. He did it before with not-too-bad results. The Pony did a great job one time, while living here right after college. Then the second time not-so-great. I'm hoping it was not one of those "so she'll never ask me again" tactics.

Anyhoo... Hick came home between gallivanting and the auction, so I commanded that he accompany me to the back porch overlooking POOLIO. Believe me, it was tough handing Hick a pair of scissors and turning my back!

We had just begun, two hanks of hair cut, when Hick's phone rang. He not only stopped to look at the caller, but he ANSWERED the call! He not only answered the call, but he KEPT CUTTING WHILE TALKING!!! The dogs were so shocked at this behavior that they got up from their spectating area and walked around by the kitchen. It didn't take long for Hick to finish. Thankfully with both hands again.

"I hope this isn't too bad. You know it might be the last picture I ever have taken. Six more years. That might be my last driver's license before I die!"

The Pony snickered when I said I was going to get my license renewed this week. "Make sure you take a good picture, heh, heh!" 

Seriously. How much worse could it be? Surely no worse than my worst-ever driver's license picture, that even made my own mom laugh uncontrollably. 

The picture Genius set to come up when I called his cell phone. He said it made my head look like a view of the earth from space.

The picture The Pony said made me look like a cross between a person from a giant communist country known for making cheap knockoffs, and an inebriated south-of-the-border person. Oh, and I believe that description began with the word "bloated." [No offense to any people who have giant communist country heritage, nor those south of the border, nor alcoholics, nor bloated people!]

I can hardly wait to see how my driver's license picture turns out! NOT! I will probably be put on a watch list. If I'm not already on there from ordering a 3rd Grade Pony his requested Christmas present of a computer CD to learn Arabic.

The Despair Was Palpable

Saturday, I dashed into 10Box for scratchers from their lottery machines up front. Dang it! The machine on the right had an OUT OF ORDER sign taped to it! Oh, well. The other was still in operation. As I scanned my winners in for credit, I heard a crash. Shattering glass.

When I turned, I saw an older lady at the end of the checkout. She had bagged her groceries, as it the policy at 10Box. A bag had fallen through the child-seat part of the cart, where she hadn't flipped up the plastic seat thingy. A bag was on the tile floor, leaking clear amber liquid.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! The bag fell through!"

The staff got on the PA system right away, calling for a clean-up. The glass had been contained by the plastic bag. Only the liquid was a problem. A guy came right away. Got a mop and bucket. "At least it smells good!" 

I turned back to buying my scratchers. I felt bad for that lady. Not just for the embarrassment. I knew that was some kind of alcohol, whiskey, most likely. Because soda is darker than that, and doesn't come in glass bottles at 10Box. It was Saturday. The first of the month. When people who are retired, or on some kind of assistance, get their money. They do their shopping for the month. What a disappointment for this old lady, having just purchased her alcohol, then having it flowing over the tile.

I told The Pony later that evening: "I felt so bad for her. If I was able to walk, I would have asked her if I could go get her another bottle. I would have paid. It just hurt me knowing what a disappointment that must have been for her. But I'm sure she wouldn't want to wait for the length of time it would take me to get a cart and walk over to replace it, and wait in line to pay."

"Yeah. I hope the store people offered to get her another bottle. For free. It would be good PR for them, if somebody talked about it. Which you know they would."

"If I was a manager there, I would pay out of my own pocket for her. But I know not everybody can afford to do that. It's just the idea of it being the weekend, and a 'payday' of sorts, and how people look forward to that. Then having the bottle break. It's like having the scoop fall off your ice cream cone right after you get it!"

Anyhoo... I don't know if anybody offered to help that old lady or not. I left as they were mopping up the liquid.

Val. The #1 Would-Be Enabler in Backroads.

Val's Dish Goes Uneaten

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

The RumpusHole in the white Ford F250 who takes the handicap space at the Gas Station Chicken Store continues to plague Val. Dirty looks, a phone lifted to take his picture, Val limping past the front of his truck while he's inside... nothing deters him from parking in that space unless VAL IS ALREADY IN IT!

A week or two ago, I pulled in as RumpusHole turned in from the back alley, thwarting his plan! He did not park right in front of T-Hoe, in the FREE AIR space, but continued across the lot to park by the moat. It was one of those single-digit-temp days, and he was wearing shorts. Bwah ha ha! His prancing across the windblown lot warmed the cockles of Val's heart.

Anyhoo... there have been several days that he's beat me to that space. I drive on through and visit my other store(s) or use the time to drop off mail at the dead-mouse-smelling post office. Anything to take up at least the 20 minutes that he's usually inside.

Friday, I'd been shopping at 10Box. Back in T-Hoe, I was getting ready to write my receipt total in my checkbook register, and mark the back of my scratchers so I'd know where they came from. I checked the time, and it was 3:20. Oh, no! Rumpushole usually shows up at 35 minutes past the hour. Most often it's 3:35, but that might be because it's the time I'm there. I've also encountered him at 2:25.

Anyhoo... I set my receipt and tickets down, and went straight to the Gas Station Chicken Store. Got my rightful handicap space. When I came out, it was 3:35. Huh. Might as well take the opportunity to record my purchase from 10Box. And mark my tickets I got there, and also from the GSCS. That took about 10 minutes.

Sadly, there was no sign of RumpusHole. Such a disappointment. My cold dish of revenge went uneaten. It will be served again.

Making Work When There is None

Hick is not a slacker. When he has no projects, he makes one up. Just before the never-melting ice/sleet/snow storm hit on January 4, Hick was between jobs. Nothing to do on the Double Hovel. Old Buddy was not feeling up to par, and couldn't assist Hick at Bargain House. The lady Hick was doing a kitchen remodel for had not yet left town on her vacation. His SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) had been rearranged. No yards needed mowing. No new themed shed on the horizon. Hick was about to crawl out of his skin.

Here's what he decided to do:

That's what every house needs, right? A giant wagon wheel on the porch, by their church pew and carved wooden Jack-O-Lantern, above the driftwood rock garden and yucca plants dug up along a rural highway.

I don't know why we would need this addition. At least it made Hick happy. For about the 20 minutes this project needed. And another 10 bragging congratulating himself for his efforts.

I get more joy from imagining Hick rolling this metal wheel across the yard, hoisting it up on the porch, and trying to balance it while attaching it to the wood posts.

Still. I suppose this wheel is a positive addition for all but the dogs, who will have to alter the place they launch themselves off the porch to go barking their fool heads off at some real or imaginary threat over by the BARn.