There Oughta Be a Law. Oh, Wait!

During the frigid temperatures last month, on February 17, I was dismayed to pull onto the parking lot at the Gas Station Chicken Store, and find THIS in my rightful handicap space:

Let the record show that Val was NOT happy! Perhaps "fuming mad" would be the best description. Temps in the teens, windy, and my knees were particularly creaky that day. I did not want to walk an extra inch. Yet here was this truck in MY space! No handicap plate (there's a reason I blanked out the numbers), no handicap placard.

I waited. And waited. Still, it was better than hobbling along in the frigid wind. The longer I waited, the more incensed I became. This driver didn't even park in the space right!

That is what my fellow residents and my old townhouse complex where I met Hick would have called a "Sanford truck." In fact, Hick had an old truck with a similar paint job, and when he'd pick up young HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) and The (Little Future) Veteran for the weekend, residents hanging out at the pool would shout in unison, "Here comes Sanford and sons!" That's kind of an insult, and I don't mean for Hick. Fred Sanford's truck was in much better shape than Hick's, and the truck in the picture!

Anyhoo... the driver of that truck finally emerged, carrying a 32 oz fountain soda in one hand, and a CANE in the other!

Never mind. I figure he needed that parking space. I took it when he left.

The Freebie King Rakes in More Jewels

Because he doesn't have enough projects to keep himself busy, Hick recently accepted a job at the Senior Center. Not so much the center itself, but with the housing agency where the lunchroom is located. The other guy retired, and Hick applied. The job involves collecting rent from the elderlies who live there, and taking care of any maintenance issues. It has no required hours to be onsite.

Hick talked to the guy who was retiring. Found out the procedures of where to turn in the rent money, and the contractors used to do maintenance work if Hick cannot solve the problems. He spent a little time after lunch one day, going through the office. 

Hick found a check in the drawer from two years ago! He asked a lady who works at the Senior Center what he should do about it. She said that since it was two years old, it would be unfair to deposit that check. Besides, that elderly lady no longer lived in the apartments. Nope she didn't get kicked out for not paying rent!!! Anyhoo... Hick destroyed the check as the worker suggested.

In cleaning up the office, Hick found five pouches that seemed to have been meant as gifts to give out to the residents or seniors who lunch there. He asked that same worker what he should do with them. She said he might as well keep them. Not a big deal. They had no plans for giving them out now.

The five pouches were identical, though the contents were not. Maybe the other guy had taken out some things that he could use. They all had a pair of white crew socks. Hick was thrilled with the socks! 

"I think they might be actual diabetic socks. They are really comfortable!"

Some pouches were missing the toothbrush, or the toothpaste. Doesn't matter to Hick. I told him he could probably sell those pouches at his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) if he had any women customers. They look like makeup pouches. It's not that they're expensive. If Hick sells them for 50 cents, he would be happy. It's just a draw to get women into his SUS2.5.

Anyhoo... Hick has at least gotten five free pairs of new socks from this endeavor. 

Please Do Not Startle the Elderlies

I came out of 10Box on Saturday afternoon with five bags of groceries. Since Hick is a master of avoiding "carrying in" duties, I pre-emptively put them on the passenger seat of T-Hoe. It's closer, and I don't have to worry about closing the garage door, and T-Hoe's rear hatch, while having grocery bags draped over both arms.

I had a handicap parking space near the cart return garage door on the front of the building. After loading my groceries in T-Hoe, I turned to push the cart back up on the sidewalk.

"I'LL TAKE THAT FOR YOU!"

What in the Not-Heaven??? I almost jumped out of my skin! A guy had flung open the driver's door of a red sedan parked next to T-Hoe. I didn't even know anybody was in that car. 

"OH! You SCARED me!"

"I thought you were looking right at me. I'll take your cart. I figured I needed to get out before you parked it back in front of the building."

"Thank you so much. I was just startled."

Helpful Guy was probably late 20s. He was still talking on his phone to somebody, telling them that he was at one of his favorite stores, and going in to shop.

It's nice to help out the elderlies by taking their cart from them. It's problematic to terrorize them with stealth tactics...

T-Hoe Has a Limp

Like driver, like auto. Not only is Val struggling to hobble around these days, but T-Hoe has caught her affliction! It creeps up on you, I say. One day you're walking just fine, maybe a little soreness in the knee joint, and then all at once, it's 15 years later, and you can barely make it across the kitchen without leaning on the cutting block.

T-Hoe is getting old(er). He's a 2008 model. Heh, heh! He coulda been a model! So sleek and shiny black and classy in his heyday, I could imagine him gracing the cover of a junk mail advertisement. Now, T-Hoe is looking a bit worse for wear, and responding as though he's been drove hard and put away wet. Which he has...

The backup sensor hasn't worked for many years. The seat heaters are kaput, first the passenger side, then the butt part for the driver, then the back. Some plastic molding is peeling off the front passenger door. There's a short in the electronics that sometimes makes the radio not come on when starting up after a stop in town. Eventually it comes back. Maybe three or four minutes after driving. Just a couple weeks ago, the heater started doing the same thing!!! It's the blower, not the actual heat-providing part. The fan won't come on, no matter which setting, whether it be AUTO, or defroster, or face, or feet. Doesn't matter which level of blowing is chosen, from low to high, or the adjustment of the temperature. Oh, but after a few minutes of driving, it randomly comes on.

For somebody who knows his way around an automobile, Hick shows a shocking lack of interest in solving T-Hoe's problems. The radio and heater are my main concerns. But according to Hick, "Val, that could be ANYTHING! You could take the whole thing apart and never find it!" Well. Okay then. I guess that means we just give up and I do without radio and heat...

Thursday, I made a stop at the main post office over in Sis-Town. When I climbed in after mailing three water bills and Genius's letter, I looked down at the driver's side tire, and it looked LOW. The control panel told me that tire had 26 pounds of air. No good! T-Hoe needs 35 pounds of air in his tires. I'd checked only last week, in the cold weather, and both front tires had 31 pounds, which was fine with me, in the cold. Oh, and I forgot to say above, T-Hoe's two rear tire sensors don't work, and need to be replaced or reset or whatever those mechanics do when they put on new tires. Or don't...

Anyhoo... I was headed back over to Backroads, a distance of 8.7 miles by highway, but maybe a bit shorter for me on the back roads. I figured I could use the Gas Station Chicken Store's FREE AIR hose if that tire went any lower. When I got there, the reading was 27 pounds. Understandable, since they heat up while driving, and the air expands. I figured I could make it home, and have Hick do the airing. He doesn't live here chore-free, you know! Besides, I figured the back tires might need checking, being without a sensor.

Hick drove T-Hoe to the BARn, and used his air compressor to top off the tires. He says they all have 35 pounds now. When I start to town, I'll see what my sensor says about that driver's tire. Hopefully, I just knocked some air out on the potholes on our gravel road, and I don't have a slow leak.

Yes, You Know the Bargain Man

Hick bemoaned a bargain that got away this week. He's been working on Bargain House again. He got the shower set in place in the bathroom he's adding.

Now it needs a door and the faucet put on. I don't think Hick has the door yet, but I'm pretty sure he has the faucet.

"I could have had a 5-foot shower for only $500! The guy I know who works at Lowe's told me about it. Lowe's donates stuff to the VA Store so they can make money from it. I almost went and got it, for the main bathroom. It would fit just right. Then I got to thinking, did I really want a house with two showers and no bathtub. It's a nice shower, like the one we have."

"Still, there would be no bathtub. If the person who wants to buy the house has little kids, that would be a dealbreaker. When you want a tub, you don't spend all your money on a house that you'll have to remodel to put in a bathtub. So I think you were right not to get the shower."

"Yeah. I hate it, though. That shower would be $1200 full price. But we don't have a house to put it in right now. So I couldn't see buying it."

I'm sure other bargains will come Hick's way. He's a bargain magnet.

The Pony Slugs an Overnight Intruder

Oh, Even Steven, you silly pranking jokester! Can you not even let The Pony have some peace at home? The Pony works hard, and only wants to relax once the job part of the day is done. Many evenings, this includes falling asleep on the couch after supper, then waking up in the wee hours of the morning when nature calls. But no, Even (sometimes known as EVIL) Steven! You have to keep The Pony on his toes with your constant shenanigans.

On one of our morning phone calls this week, The Pony revealed the latest calamity.

"I fell asleep on the couch again. It's a good thing I turned on the light this time when I went to my hall bathroom. There was a SLUG on the toilet seat!"

"YUCK! Was it gray, or one of those spotted ones? We used to get them all the time on the sidewalk at my $17,000 house. And sometimes in the basement. I'd use salt on the sidewalk slugs, but the basement ones I had to pick up with a paper towel and throw outside."

"I think this was just a plain gray one. I got a piece of toilet paper and shoved it in the toilet and flushed. Good thing I didn't sit down on it in the dark!"

"Yeah!"

"In shock, I might have stumbled trying to get up, and gouged my eye out on that door latch!"

I suppose one slug in the three years he's lived there is not too bad. I know slugs are just like snails without shells, but they repulse me! Except those cartoon slugs in the movie "Flushed Away," which The Pony reminded me about. We must have watched it a hundred times. Those cartoon slugs sang "Don't Worry, Be Happy." Much cuter than the real thing, who I never heard sing a single time, heh, heh.

Not sure what Even Steven will come up with next...

Hick Is Apparently a Handyman on Retainer

Hick has taken a day off from working on Bargain House, to do some jobs for the woman who bought the QuickFlip House from us. He mentioned her name, but I was puzzled.

"You know. The Old Lady. One of the tiles in the hall came up, so I'm replacing that for her. For free. She doesn't like the back door, so I'm going to put on a new one. For pay. In fact, she still owes me about $200 for the last work I did for her. I just haven't stopped by to pick it up yet."

"That's hard to believe!"

"Well, I been busy with the other house. I hope I don't give Old Buddy a heart attack by working him eight hours in one day! He'll probably have something wrong with him."

"At least he's getting paid for it."

"Yeah, out of MY money."

Can't begrudge Hick having a side business. It keeps him off the streets.

Three Out of Four Ain't Good

Val is mad as Not-Heaven for being the only driver in Outer Backroads with common courtesy, and she will probably take it some more.

On my way out of our compound on Monday, I encountered three cars in a row. No doubt they were the bus-waiting people, reviled by Hick as being the rudest people ever, virtually blocking the gravel road in the morning when Hick is trying to get to town. They park on both sides and talk to each other, leaving only a thin strip of road for traffic to ease through.

Let the record show that Val uses common sense in her travels. When there's snow on the road, I move over to the shoulder to let sedans pass, because T-Hoe has 4WD. Also, if I'm going downhill, I move over so the vehicles coming uphill have the right-of-way. However... under normal weather conditions, I expect other drivers to shoulder some responsibility when we pass. On our gravel road, which is wide enough for a car-and-a-half, both drivers can get two tires off on the grassy "shoulder" to facilitate traffic.

On Monday afternoon, I indeed put two of T-Hoes tires into the grass. ALL THREE of those oncoming vehicles, a white sedan, a black SUV, and a white SUV, stayed on the main roadway. We were in front of our 10 acres next to the BARn  field. It's nearly level. Room on each side to get off a little bit. WHY is Val the only driver to show common courtesy? For her trouble, she received nary a "thank-you" lift of a finger. 

This makes me cussin' mad! If I'm showing courtesy, doggone it, I demand to be acknowledged! It doesn't take a great effort. Just lift a gosh-darn finger off the steering wheel. Is that so hard?

I almost felt redeemed on my way home. Back on the gravel road. In front of the neighbor's house who hosts the horse jumping. I was coming up the slight hill, and encountered a red 4-wheeler with a person riding a child behind them. Of course I moved over with two of T-Hoe's wheels on the grass. There's room for a 4-wheeler and car to pass, but I didn't want to take any chances. At least the driver gave me a COURTESY WAVE! I waved back. But here's the thing. How hard is it to pull a 4-wheeler over and wait for a car to go by? Not very. Because 4-wheelers don't go that fast, and the driver knows they're not cars, and thus not entitled to the road rights of a car.

The world is going to Not-Heaven, and I don't have my proposed handbasket factory up and running yet.

The Pony's Good Deed Did Not Go Unpunished

Shortly after texting me about finding a random Social Security card blowing around on his route, The Pony was rewarded for that good deed by Even Steven. As I picture it, Even Steven twirling a Snidely Whiplash mustache. More like Even Steven's alter ego, EVIL Steven!

"Fingers crossed I can remember not to scratch my nose/rub my eyes/eat Skittles with my right hand. Pepper spray blowback from scaring off a loose dog."

That was not sufficient for Evil Steven! Forty minutes later, another Pony text:

"Aghhhhh. Was rubbing dust out of my eye that did it."

Sooo... The Pony "pepper-sprayed" himself on that windy, windy day. The good new is that the pepper spray was effective in repelling the loose dog. The bad news is that The Pony was a bit teary through the afternoon. He was home on time.

"Took a shower to be damn sure it's off my hands."

I think The Pony might appreciate a dull day at work occasionally...

The Pony Fights Possible Crime

Never a dull day at work for The Pony. Friday started off with a surprising discovery.

"Well, this is a new one. I found someone's social security card blowing along the grass."

"Can you tell the address from the names on your mail?"

"That's what I'll try. With the wind, though, I genuinely don't know. It could've come from anywhere. If I can't match it by tomorrow, I'll give it to the city carrier on the route with the social security office."

"Yeah."

"Better than letting it tumble around in Backroads. Since it was actively blowing around when I managed to step on and snatch it."

"Thwarting possible crime with every step!"

The winds were fierce that day. At least 30 mph. I even hated to get out, but the scratchers were calling me. The dirty, dirty, losing liars!

Still, The Pony might have prevented somebody a big headache of identity theft by his actions. You never know who you can trust these days. At least there's one mail carrier who can be counted on to do the right thing.

Tales From Beneath Bargain House

Hick has been working on the plumbing under the new bathroom he is adding to Bargain House, our latest flip. He can get to that area in the cellar, but the cellar doesn't run under the entire house. 

"The living room isn't over the cellar, but there's enough room I can get under there and work. It's more than just a crawlspace. I can be on my hands and knees and crawl across."

"That's good. It's better than Pony's house, where you had to send in Old Buddy on his back or belly, like a snake!"

"Yeah. And now I know why the pipes in Bargain House never froze. The air vents? They're not insulated. I was crawling along and got my back up against one, and nearly burnt the skin off! They're wasting heat."

"Not really. The heat still rises up under the house. It's not like those ducts are in the ceiling, letting that heat waste out through the roof. It's still helping heat the house itself."

To which Hick replied that the heat is rising into the house to help heat it. Saying EXACTLY the same thing I had just said. I don't even think it was one of his attempts to scoff at me and show his handyman superiority. He just can't hear, but nods and pretends he can.

"Oh, and while we was down under the house, we found a dead cat. Mummified."

"From the heat, I guess! Like the one you found in my grandma's attic over the garage, and HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) wanted to take it to school to show the teacher."

"Yeah. And there was also three bird heads. I guess that cat had been eating birds under there."

At least Hick didn't bring any of these discoveries home to show them off. It's his own fault HOS thought it would be acceptable to take a dead cat in a big ziploc bag to middle school...