Hick Is All Haystack and No Needle

With our closing on the Double Hovel flip house(s) coming up in 10 days, Hick told me that our closing would not be at our regular abstract company, but somewhere over in Bill-Paying Town.

"WHAT? That's not convenient! I always pick up The Pony and meet you there."

"Now it's over behind the courthouse, because of the other realtor that the buyers are working with."

"BEHIND the courthouse? It's on the square. What do you consider behind? There's a street on each of the four sides."

"BEHIND it!"

"Like down from our savings and loan building?"

"No."

"By the county jail?"

"No."

"By the bank?"

"NO! BEHIND!"

"Well. That only leaves one side. But I don't consider that to be BEHIND."

"It's behind the annex."

"Why didn't you SAY that??? On the other side of the annex from the courthouse. Then I would have known what you meant."

"I told you where it was. Anybody else could figure that out."

I beg to differ. I asked Hick the name of the place. So I could look it up.

"I don't know. It's a new place."

"Is it a bank? A loan company? Give me a clue."

"It's an abstract company. She told me the name, but I don't remember."

Hick went by Realtor's office yesterday, to give her the service slip from the exterminator. You might think he would have asked the name of the place where the closing will be held. But no.

"She wasn't there. So I just gave the paper to one of her workers."

"You didn't ask where our closing was?"

"No. She wasn't there."

"If her workers can take our documents to file with our property, can't they look in the file and see where the closing will be?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask."

Well. We have nine days left. I suppose Hick will get that info. I just like to be prepared. To see if it has a handy ramp for me to walk up instead of steps, like the place we usually have our closings. I will take my cane. I figure if there are only steps, and no railing, I will wait in A-Cad. I'm pretty sure somebody will walk out with the documents for me to sign.

A Tale of HICKnosis

You are feeling sleepy... very sleepy. That's because you are reading another one of Val's insufferable tales that could turn an insomniac into Rip Van Winkle. It has nothing to do with hypnosis. Just a HICKnosis.

Hick had an appointment with the orthopedist on Wednesday. Well. With the orthopedist's nurse practitioner. They looked at his MRI of the left knee that he injured when he fell on the Bargain House sidewalk a while back. The NP showed Hick how his left knee has degenerated due to age and arthritis. Hick explained it as his right knee having so much space between the top and bottom bone, and the left knee having maybe a third of that space.

The NP said that Hick will eventually need a knee replacement. That the orthopedist could operate to clean up the knee, getting rid of the rough particles, and shaving off the "horn" on the cartilage which is a new tear since his previous surgery years ago. HOWEVER, such surgery could actually speed up the degeneration, because it would be removing some cartilage that Hick still has left. She advised putting it off as long as he could.

"She said that if I'd come in right when I fell, they would have put me in a long brace to immobilize the knee, and said to stay off of it for a while. But now, she said the best thing would be for me to get a brace. She said they could give me one there, but I could get one way cheaper at Walmart or Walgreens. But to be sure to get the kind with straps."

"I can understand that. Tightening the straps on the brace will shift where that pressure is the most on your knee when you're standing."

"Yeah. She said to especially wear if if I'm going to be standing for a while. And then she gave me a shot in my knee."

"What was it?"

"I don't know. That white stuff."

"I can't imagine what that would be. I was asking to find out if it was a steroid."

"I think maybe it was cortisone."

"Which IS a steroid. So don't be surprised if you can't sleep tonight."

Whatever it was, Hick was able to stay awake past 8:00, to watch a show about the mini sub that imploded. He put on his brace that cost $12.48, and walked around, saying that made his knee feel better. At least Hick knows there's no immediate need for surgery on his knee.

The Land-ChaChing-Strip

While he was puttering around on Tuesday, meeting with Realtor, putting a window in the back bedroom of Bargain House, fixing a toilet at the Senior Apartments, and picking up a truck motor and delivering it to one of his buddies... Hick passed by "his land."

"You know my land over in Sis-Town?"

"Yes! That thin strip along the road that you bought on the courthouse steps the year we got married."

"Yeah, where the garage door guy built his driveway. NOW he's putting a big sign on my land! It's made out of rock, and it's about half done. I went by city hall to complain, and the guy there said, 'Oh, believe me, we know about that sign, and we're not happy with it. It's not going to get finished.'

He gave me a copy of the lots with their property lines. I went back over there, but the guy wasn't there. I talked to his son. I said, 'You guys are building a sign on my property. Here's the map. Looks like your driveway is on about three different lots.' And he said, 'Huh. Well. Would you want to sell your property?' And I said, 'I might. I've at least got to get back what I've put into it.'

"Heh, heh! What did you spend? Like, $25 or $50 to buy it? When you didn't even know what it looked like, and thought you were getting something good?"

"We have paid the real estate taxes on it for 40 years!"

"We've only been married for 35 years. And those taxes every year are about $1.25 for that piece of land. It may be up to about $6 a year now. Not a lot."

"Well. I'm going to tell him I want $2000 for it. But I'll see what he offers me."

"That would pay for the lawyer and termites and shingle repair for the flips houses."

"Oh. Yeah."

I sure hope Hick wasn't planning to pocket this money as his!

I Guess These Are Not Considered CONDITION Conditions

A few weeks ago, we accepted an offer to buy the Double Hovel flip house(s). Hick was quite eager to take this offer, and not negotiate at all. He kept pointing out that the prospective buyers were offering a contract with NO CONDITIONS, and had already been approved for a loan. I take Hick's word for dealings with Realtor. Hick is the middle man for The Pony and me. 

I distinctly remember Hick carrying on about NO CONDITIONS. I assumed those words came from Realtor. So imagine my surprise last Monday when Hick said he had to stay away from the Double Hovel on Thursday, because it was being inspected by the prospective buyer!

Tuesday, I got a call from Hick, who said he had an appointment after lunch to discuss the inspection with Realtor. 

"That doesn't sound good! I hope they're not trying to back out of the deal!"

"Yeah. It could be nothing."

"I don't know why you'd have to go in if it was nothing. But surely Realtor would just tell you on the phone if the deal was off. Maybe they had questions, and she needs to get your answers so she can tell their realtor."

Hick called back at 12:45.

"Their inspector said some shingles were missing off the roof of the main house. That don't surprise me, with all that wind lately. I don't climb up there and check after every storm, but I replaced the piece of siding that blew off. I have shingles left from when we originally patched the roof. It ain't no big deal. I'm not climbing up a ladder with my knee hurt, and I don't want Old Buddy messing around up there. I already called my roof guy, and he's going by there tomorrow morning to fix the shingles. He's a contractor, so he'll be able to give me a letter to certify that the roof was fixed.

Also, their inspector crawled under the house! They usually don't do that. He said there was a sign there might be termites. I don't think so, but when we first started on the house, and replaced the rotten boards in that one corner, it looked like there might have been old trails from termites. I guess we should have just wiped down the wood, heh, heh. Anyway, a relative of The Veteran is an exterminator. He's licensed. So I'll just have him do it and give us a letter that it was done.

THEN Realtor said they wanted to know if the house could even be insured, with the roof in that shape. I told her it ain't in no 'shape,' that the roof is fine, and the house has been insured for two years now. I called over to our insurance agent and told him they needed proof the house was insurable. He said, 'We aren't in the business of insuring uninsurable houses! There's a policy on that house, same as there has been since you bought it and insured it with us!' So I had him fax a letter over to Realtor."

I didn't know faxing was still a thing, but I'll take Hick's word for it.

"What happened to their offer WITH NO CONDITIONS? Like nothing we had to do, and no inspections?"

"I don't know. I mentioned that. Realtor said there's a difference in what are considered CONDITIONS."

But wait! There was also an appraiser at the Double Hovel. To make sure the bank could loan the money. I guess there must also be a gray area concerning whether a buyer has already been approved for a loan, heh, heh! So Hick's two main 'selling points' on wanting me to accept this offer were based on Hick's misrepresentation, or shady interpretation of the concepts of NO CONDITIONS, and LOAN APPROVAL. Although Hick says the people were APPROVED for a loan of enough money, just not specifically for our property. And now the appraiser says everything is fine, and the Double Hovel is worth what we're asking.

Anyhoo... these are just minor bumps on the road to the closing. Nothing expensive or insurmountable. We're getting there. Two weeks to go.

Thevictorians Grill

The Pony came out for a BBQ on Memorial Day. We decided to have hamburgers and chicken this time, with sides of potato salad and baked beans and garlic cheese bread. Of course there were no loaves of French bread to be found in the greater Backroads area. So The Pony grabbed some Italian rolls and we fixed them up accordingly.

That's Hick's plate. Nothing remarkable. Just the disturbing fact that he had his tray upside down. What kind of psycho does that??? Puts the main compartment with the protein across from him? Apparently, The Pony!

The Pony also sat down with a tray that was upside down. You'd think the fork facing the wrong way would be a clue. But no. Neither Hick nor The Pony saw anything wrong with their tray orientation. 

Thankfully, you have Val to show you proper picnic tray etiquette. And also a glimpse of the BBQ hamburger. Val likes her onion and pickle on the side.

Once again, I forgot to photograph the dessert. Which was storebought cookies with M & Ms, cake donuts with chocolate icing and sprinkles, and mini cupcakes with vanilla or chocolate frosting.

The Pony left with a box of leftovers, and Val will not need to cook for a few days. Too bad nobody had the chicken on their plate. It was boneless skinless chicken tenders. I assume they will be as delicious at the hamburgers.

No Rest For the Hick-ed

I've tried to decree suggest that Hick is spreading himself too thin. I was not a proponent of his newest job, at the Senior Center Apartments. I figure his four days of working on Bargain House, and three days at his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5), along with his evenings at the auction a couple nights a week, are enough activity. Hick barely has time to ignore problems that arise with our hillbilly mansion and T-Hoe!

Sunday around noon, I got a text from Hick at his SUS2.5.

"I have to go to the Apartments lady called toilet tank not filling up. Then I think I'll come on home and watch rest of big race. Nothing going on here at shop"

Let the record show that is the actual text. No editing from Val.

The big race was the Indianapolis 500. Hick is more of a NASCAR fan, but many years ago, before I met him, he went to the actual Indy 500. He had really good seats, at the finish line. I asked how he managed that, and he said they sent off for ticket really early. That they cost $125 each, way back then. It's a good memory for him.

Anyhoo... Hick went to check on the old lady's toilet, and she said, "Oh, it works now." The Pony and I were discussing it while making plans for our BBQ the next day. We both thought it was probably that flapper thing not closing. Maybe a kink in the chain connected to the flush lever. Well. That's how much WE know about toilets! It was a bad flush valve, according to Hick. Probably due to mineral deposits from the hard water around here. At least he knows what is wrong, and can fix it.

Hick came home and enjoyed the rest of the Indy 500. He was quite upset that the race he REALLY wanted to see, later in the evening, was not carried by any networks. It was streaming only. The NASCAR 600, he called it, although it seems to be named the Coca Cola 600, in Charlotte N.C.

Oh, well. There will be other NASCAR races that Hick can watch. If he's not too busy with his hand in a toilet.

Catching Up With Hick

Hick is easier to catch these days. He's moving slower, due to the injury to his left knee when he fell on the sidewalk of Bargain House several weeks ago. He said his knee hurts on the back outer side. I thought he had a meniscectomy on both knees many years ago. He said only on one knee. He forgets which one. The other had something taken out because of fluid. I remember going to appointments with him, and waiting to drive him home after the surgery, but the details escape me.

Anyhoo... I said the pain sounded like a cartilage issue. I asked if his knee felt unstable, like it might collapse. He said yes! So I said it could be a cruciate ligament, which is there to hold the bones together. Hick saw his doctor. Had an X-ray. Had an MRI. Then got the call from his doctor on Friday.

Hick has a degenerated meniscus, and a torn anterior cruciate ligament. He didn't even say "Thank you" to Doctor Val, for her astute diagnosis! Can you believe it?

Hick is not a good listener. He couldn't tell me what a degenerated meniscus is. I suppose that's not the cartilage that was removed! Although I've had my left knee lateral meniscus removed twice. My doctor said at the time that it can regenerate part of the rim, and that's what tore again. Could be the truth (and not just a dodge to avoid malpractice, heh, heh).

Anyhoo... Hick said his doctor is referring him to an orthopedist. She thinks he will start with a brace, and physical therapy. That must be the standard of care these days. For old geezers like Hick, anyway. It's not like he's a professional athlete who needs immediate surgery to regain his competitive edge.

In other news, Hick was ready to rent an apartment. He got an anonymous phone call naming the prospective renter, with advice not to rent without consulting the local police department. Hick passed that info on to his superior, who investigated, and said not to accept that possible tenant, due to a record of peace disturbance. Hick followed instructions. He said to me he wondered how disruptive a person of that age could be.

Maybe that's a good thing. If Hick got calls to come diffuse a situation, he's not in any shape to kick anybody's rumpus. Being kind of a one-legged man right now with his injury.

Thevictorians Strap on Yet Another Feedbag

Thursday, we went to a local catfish house for Val's belated Mother's Day dinner. I chose 2:00, since I figured it was an off time that wouldn't be crowded. Because, you know, who goes to a Mother's Day dinner almost two weeks after Mother's Day, and in the middle of the afternoon? Well! Apparently, a lot of people! The parking lot was almost full. The lunch special is from 11:00 to 4:00, with $3 per person cheaper than the dinner time option.

We have eaten here many times over the past 40 years. It used to be fantastic. Then a new owner took over, and it was abysmal. Then another owner, and it was okay. You never know what you're going to get. Might as well feast on a box of chocolates!

Anyhoo... I was not pleased by our table. It was in the center of the room, not along the wall. It was a basic square table. Usually, even though there are only three of us, we get a rectangular table on the wall, with plenty of room for the plates. Also, I was right under a vent. I was freezing most of the time. Which was a lot. The time.

It's not hard to order. Of course we wanted the all-you-can eat option, with shrimp, catfish, and chicken, plus as many of the designated free sides as we chose. Which were SLAW, baked beans, and sidewinder potatoes (fries). We asked for plenty of tartar sauce, and the sweet and sour chicken sauce. I had a jar of water to drink, while The Pony chose a Sprite option, and Hick had iced tea.

We waited. And waited. And waited some more. It was disheartening to see people who were there when we arrived, still without their food. I'd say it took 25 minutes before our platter came out. AND THEN the waitress noted that our table had a wobble. Indeed. It did. We were ready to dig into the food, but that gal got down on her hands and knees to inspect the table legs! THEN she went to get something to fix it. And came back to get under the table again. We didn't care. We just wanted to eat while the food was warm! She tried putting a little orange plastic wedge under two different table legs. TWICE! But that only made the wobble worse. I finally said, "I think we're good. We'll put a foot on it."

We almost forgot a picture! There's our main platter. We've already taken a helping. The Pony gave me too many of those potatoes. I have a piece of catfish, and the chicken, my favorite, which I've torn in half. There's the bowl of slaw in front of me. Not gonna lie, I told everyone I was going to eat it right out of the bowl, but with my fork, not the serving spoon. It's family style, and we're a family! Hick took a portion before I started eating it. He had the baked beans all to himself, anyway.

There's a better look of our platter. The hush puppies always come with it. I don't see the attraction in the shrimp. You can get the same thing out of the freezer case at the grocery store. The catfish IS quite tasty. On the first platter... The chicken is white meat. It used to be served in full breast pieces, but now has been cut into strips.

These days, when you ask for more, you don't get the best. You might see the edge of our second platter. We didn't ask for much. Just one piece of chicken, some catfish, and a few shrimp. You might notice that the catfish is now mostly fried skin! As Hick said, "Their fillets are getting a bit thin." Also, the chicken was really thin on the second round. I think they need to modify their descriptions on the menu. To describe how you get a serving in the beginning, and scraps if you want more. It's not like they let you take home anything left. 

Look at this! My piece of chicken was in the shape of a fish, heh, heh! Despite having thin scraps for our second helping, most of the food was quite delicious. I'm sure we will go back sometime within the year. Hopefully I will take a jacket to prevent freezing, and Hick will clamp his foot onto the table leg so the wobble won't be noticed.

Oh, Wait! Val's WINdar is Back On!

Re-calibration noted. Val's WINdar is back on! Thursday, I bought my tickets as usual at the Gas Station Chicken Store. I picked my favored $10 ticket. I was shocked to uncover a multiplier:

Usually I just match a number when I win, or occasionally get a 5X or 10X. This is the first time I ever found a 50X. Of course I had visions of getting rich. Well. Not quite.

Still, this $200 winner was a nice surprise. I'm not going to complain!

Val's WINdar is Off

I changed my regular schedule on Monday, and ventured over to Sis-Town to shop at the Save A Lot. I found some sausage patties that were mushroom and swiss! Hick grilled them Tuesday night, and really liked them. Of course while I was in town, I stopped by the Casey's to get some scratchers. I'm usually there on Thursdays, not on a Monday.

Anyhoo... with the winners I cashed in, I had enough for an extra $5 ticket. Normally, I would get an extra crossword ticket. They're my favorite. But I saw another ticket that was practically glowing. It looked much brighter than the other tickets. So I picked it. That's how I get some of my big winners. They just LOOK different. Catch my attention right away, and compel me to purchase them. Of course, sometimes those tickets are dirty, dirty liars! 

They LOSE! Like this one...

As you can see, this ticket is nothing special. It's been around for many months. It's not bright colors. There's no fancy design. No reason to catch my eye unless it was sending my WINdar a special signal. I bought it. Scratched it. Found out it was a loser. Scanned it to make sure. And set it on the counter to throw away.

When Hick came home Tuesday afternoon, he had a story to tell. 

"Me and Old Buddy was working out at Nick and Bev's house this morning. Old Buddy couldn't wait to get done and get back here. His girlfriend won $1000 yesterday on a lottery ticket! They were driving to St. Louis to cash it in."

"WHAT? Which kind of ticket? Where did she get it?"

"I think it was called something like Lots of 500s. He said it was a $5 ticket. She got it at the Sis-Town Casey's."

"NOOOO! I bought one of those tickets at the Sis-Town Casey's yesterday! I guess she was probably there before me. I got there around 4:00."

"No. It would have been after that. He said he let her take the car up there that evening."

So close! I wish I knew what number her ticket was. We'll probably never know. I doubt they remember. Unless you're an addicted avid scratcher scratcher, you don't notice things like that.

I suppose the good news is that my WINdar is still functioning, but just needs re-calibrating. Because indeed, there was a BIG WINNER on that roll of tickets!

Hick Is Not SuperMan

Hick's left knee has been hurting, ever since he fell on the sidewalk of Bargain House. Heh, heh, and answered truthfully when Lawyer asked him if he fell on the CITY sidewalk, which is uneven and was promised fixing by the Mayor.

Anyhoo... after Hick's doctor ordered an X-ray, and told Hick there was nothing wrong with him but old age, Hick kept pursuing her for an MRI, which shows soft-tissue injuries. His doctor only works one day a week (!), so it's taken a while. She said she'd order the MRI, but Hick would have to pay, because it's not the standard of care that insurance would cover. Not a problem. Hick forked over $224 up front, and was waiting his turn to be inserted into the MRI tube (that's how I picture it) when he got a phone call about one of the residents in the Senior Apartments.

"It was Pansy. She said, 'Dad fell, and I can't get him up. Can you come and help me lift him?' I told her I was getting an MRI over in Bill-Paying Town, and couldn't come right then. I said, 'Call the ambulance. That's what they do.'"

"Wait. That's not part of your job, is it? To help people off the floor when they fall?"

"No. But I've known Pansy for years. And her dad."

I know Hick likes to help people, but you would think such a task might open up Hick or the city for a lawsuit if a resident was injured, either in the initial fall, or the rescue.

As the Closing Draws Closer

Hick called me Monday afternoon to say that he had a call from Realtor.

"The buyers want to inspect the house on Thursday. Realtor said it's best if I'm not there."

"Why are they inspecting the house? I thought there were no conditions in their offer."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. But I guess Realtor didn't say no inspections. I don't mind. The city inspector already approved both houses for occupancy. It's not a big deal."

"I can't blame them for wanting an inspection, before spending all that money. What could they be looking for? I hope this isn't an excuse to back out of their offer!"

"I don't know what they're looking for. Everything is up to code. They won't be pulling off the electric panel. They can open it up and look. They won't go up in the attic. We blew insulation up there."

"Maybe looking for termites? I don't know what else. They obviously toured both houses before making the offer. I guess you should make sure everything's clean. Like the toilets."

"They'll probably make sure the air conditioning works. And run the water."

"Mow the lawns!"

"Yeah. I just did that, but I'll make sure the area inside the fence is mowed, too. Realtor said I shouldn't be there so they don't ask me questions. That if they have questions, they'll have to do it through their realtor, to her, and she'll check with me."

I can understand that. If they're looking for a way out, they could misrepresent something Hick might tell them in good faith. We'll see what comes of this inspection. Hick did not stop our lawyer from seeking a way to divide the property. He only slowed down the process until the closing.

The Bait Debate

Hick has a knack for being absent when I have groceries that need to be carried in. No matter how I try to time my shopping trip for his arrival at home, he manages to evade that task. Hick says he alway gets home around 5:00. Even though it might be 3:30, or 8:30. If only there was something like a cell phone that could text his ETA...

Anyhoo... on Sunday evening, I had just carried in six bags of groceries when Hick came waltzing through the kitchen door. Waltzing with glee, almost as if he knew he had once again missed the grocery window.

"Huh. Funny how you always get here RIGHT AFTER I've carried in the groceries. If I had known you were so close, I would have left them in the car for you to carry."

"Sorry. I'm always home at 5:00."

"No. That's how I plan. Would it kill you to let me know what time you might actually get here? Those bags were heavy! I had these two jars of pickles, and a bunch of bananas, and this other stuff. I needed onions, but I didn't want any extra heavy bags to carry."

"That reminds me... I need some more taffy. Them people eat it up."

? Not sure how onions are related to taffy. Except the taffy is in the main aisle by the produce section in 10Box. Where Hick has only been twice, I think.

"The people? Or YOU?"

"I eat some of it. But they all love it. Except one kid today, who said he didn't like it."

"Did you tell him to feel free not to eat it?"

"No. His dad gave it to him. He was only about four."

"So you use the taffy to lure in customers. Do you put it away overnight, and during the week when you're not there?"

"No. I leave it out."

"Leave it out??? In a bowl?"

"No. It's in a beer pitcher."

"Without a lid? Aren't you worried that a rat might get into it?"

"No. It hasn't yet. Each piece is wrapped."

"Like a mouse or a rat can't chew through paper! I hope you don't get shut down for poisoning people!"

"I don't think that's going to happen."

Hick seems to be overly-trusting of the rodents that might be roaming around the storage unit lot.

The Creechers Are Back

I guess it's that time of year. The time when the Creek Creatures invade our enclave, to enjoy recreational activities in our creek. Don't get me wrong. Nobody OWNS a creek. Waterways are available for everybody. However... that doesn't mean the adjacent properties and private roads are fair game.

It's mid-May. Schools will be letting out soon. The weather is warming up. There's been a spate of activity down at the main low-water bridge, where people are parking in an area with signs that proclaim NO PARKING, and sitting on the edge of the bridge fishing, with some wading in the creek. Aside from their illegal parking, and the litter of water/soda/Gatorade bottles they leave on the ground, I suppose this activity is not something the county sheriff's deputies would pursue.

Now the Creechers are on OUR road. Like I said, they can play all they want in the creek. Legally. As long as they park their vehicles along the county road that their taxes maintain. It's when they drive a quarter-mile up into our enclave, and park on the gravel road that our parsimonious pockets pay for, that I have a problem. Also, they block one whole side of our gravel road. On a curve, no less!

Saturday on my way home, I saw two Creechers getting out of their small sedan, as I had to move into the oncoming traffic side of our gravel road on a curve, to avoid hitting their sedan. They looked around 18-20. Old enough to know better. The guy was wearing a tank top and cargo shorts. The girl was in booty shorts and a spaghetti-strap top. She held a seat-cushion type of flotation device. The guy was smirking as I drove by. They were headed for the little waterfall area on our creek.

I did not take a picture as I wanted. Val is no Karen. Still, taking a picture might have dissuaded them from a repeat visit. How about parking your dang sedan out on the blacktop road that your (or your parents') taxes pay for, and walking a quarter mile up the creek to get to this spot? Or maybe buy some land that borders on this creek? 

The landowners of our enclave did not buy their properties, nor pay taxes on them, and pay for road gravel, just so people they have no connection with can use this area for recreation or secret trysts.

People these days feel so entitled...

Another Room Done in Bargain House

When Hick finished the front bedroom in Bargain House, he then started on the back bedroom. "It mainly just needs the carpet ripped out, paint, and a closet. We should be able to knock that out in no time, and then another room will be done." Let the record show that Hick and Old Buddy only work on the house three hours a day, four days a week. It's not like they're pushing to get done in a hurry.

The first picture of the back bedroom Hick sent was on April 3rd.

I'm not sure this is the picture Hick meant to send me. He said, "Windows in back bedroom trimmed." I only see one window, and it isn't really trimmed. Unless you count the wood around the top and side, making it ready for painting. 

The next picture was April 9th. "Closet doors painted and installed back bedroom. Closet also painted on inside."

That looks pretty good for a closet. You can still see the carpet isn't torn out yet. The next picture on April 22 had carpet, also:

"Back bedroom painted and new door installed." Looks like Hick and Old Buddy didn't care about sloppy painting, since the carpet was their drop cloth!

On April 29th, Hick said, "Floor almost finished."

I like it. I really like it. As much as that Academy Award audience liked Sally Field. Also, you can see that Hick wasn't lying about the inside of the closet being painted. All this room needs it the trim, which was done the next day.

From April 30th: "Floor all done." Well. Except for that missing little strip of trim in the corner. I suppose Hick needed to cut a piece to fit. Also, you can see that indeed the window has been trimmed!

It was around this time that Hick noticed the problem with the sewer pipe outside, and started looking for a remedy.

Bargain House is coming along nicely.

A Hick's Work Is Never Done

The guy Hick hired to put in new sewer pipe at Bargain House, and connect it to the city sewer, completed his job last week. Here's what it looked like last Wednesday, after the first day:

The trench was dug, and the pipe installed. That's right behind Bargain House, as you can see. I don't know if it had been connected to the city sewer yet at this point. I'm not sure what day it was finished, but Hick sent me the pictures on Tuesday.

The purpose of going from the back of the house to the alley was to avoid digging up the paved street out front. Meaning that it was CHEAPER! Looks like Hick might need to spread some grass seed across that area. So he'll have more to mow, heh, heh! When he has his tractor in town, I imagine he'll smooth it out a bit first.

Now Hick has to connect the new pipes to the pipes under the house. He sounds like that will be a piece of cake, so to speak. You know how Hick loves cake.

That's what $2,200 gets you around Backroads, if you know the right guy. If you don't, it will cost you $3,600 just to put an auger into the ground and start digging around a sewer pipe...

And Just Like That, Even Steven Comes Sniffing Around

Too soon! Too soon! It's my own fault. I just HAD to share how I've been having a good run of luck lately. Now Even Steven has appeared to settle the score.

Tuesday, I did my errands which are regularly on Thursdays. That's because we are going out for a Mother's Day dinner. My first stop was the bank, where I take out our weekly cash allowance. Real money spends slower than plastic money, you know! I've bemoaned the loss of the drive-thru window since LAST OCTOBER. The bank's excuse always being that they don't have enough personnel to have the drive-thru open. It's only three lanes! And they could just have one of them open, not all three. You know, for lazy bad-kneed people such as Val who prefer to sit on their ample rumpuses, rather than stand while waiting.

Anyhoo... I parked T-Hoe in the handicap space, which is way down past the end of the building. There were only two cars parked out front, a white truck and a metallic SUV. What I saw when I hobbled through the door made my blood curdle.

SIX YOUNG LADIES in one line, and a Dude holding a green plastic woven basket full of money in the other line. Let the record show that only ONE teller was working. She had the line of six YLs. Dude was to the right of the door, leaning his back against the window wall of the vestibule. He had just asked the YLs if they were all together. I suppose to question whether he would be the next served, or if one of them would step over to the teller currently fiddling behind a NEXT REGISTER sign. The YLs answered in unison that they were all together, doing the same thing.

The YLs were tall, athletic-looking, 18-20, maybe. They reminded me of a college team that might have just gotten paid for hosting a camp or something. As I waited, I saw that each would put a check on the counter, sign something, and get money. I suppose they were cashing their checks. One was asked if she had her debit card with her. I don't think they were opening accounts.

Anyhoo... the NEXT REGISTER gal took a drawer and left to the safe. But a different gal came out of a back room and opened up that slot, while another lady closed herself in a back office with glass walls. Dude stepped up and said he was making a deposit.

"It's already counted."

"I'll have to put it through the money counter anyway."

Well. Great. I had picked the very worst time to show up at the bank. Who knew that the YLs had come in a clown car! And that somebody would bring in a basket of money! I leaned my ample rumpus against the glass wall of the vestibule vacated by Dude, and wondered whether I should just leave and come back. I had walked the length of the building already. Surely it couldn't take THAT long to count Dude's money.

Hear that? It's Even Steven, chuckling like Muttley.

I heard the money counter whizzing through the first of Dude's four bundles of bills. They were bound with paper, like when The Pony won his jackpot at the casino. I don't know how much money this was, but they were sizeable bricks. I'm guessing maybe 1000 bills in each one. You know, they had to be carried in a little basket.

Anyhoo... that money counting machine kept making a beep every now and then. The Teller would sigh. I guess she had to keep putting them back through, starting over. Meanwhile, two of the YLs did their business, and sat down in the chairs in the small lobby area, along with the lady who had driven them there. AND a man and woman who came in after me. I did not want to risk losing my turn, so I stood, marking my claim on being next after Dude. Another woman came in, and stood beside me.

The Teller came back to the front, and told Dude, "I'm going to need to hand-count this. You have a few $2 bills mixed in with the ones. Do you have a total you thought you were depositing?"

"Oh. I didn't know there were $2 bills in there! I had a total of $3,986."

"I will need you to verify this as I count them out in front of you."

I was ready to pull out my lovely lady-mullet upon hearing this! But I was already there. I didn't want to walk out and then come back. My knees were making that grindy sound every time I shifted. Twenty minutes had passed! The YLs got done before Dude. I'm sure the other customers were cursing me as I hobbled to that slot for my cash withdrawal.

This is where Even Steven almost passed out from wheezy-laughing so hard.

"I really miss your drive-thru."

"Oh. It's open! It opened last week. I just don't think anybody knows it yet."

"You mean if I would have driven around back today, I would have seen the green arrows?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, it's not like you have enough people here to wait on the drive-thru."

"Oh, I would have eventually gone over there. Just push the buzzer."

ALL THAT STANDING FOR NOTHING!!! I could have been ample-rumpusing, rather than standing! At least I'll know for next week.

The Universe Spreads the Luck

Aside from missing out on Reuben Day at the Senior Center, and simmering in self-pity from The Pony's decision, Val is having a pretty good month. There's the Double Hovel (impending) sale, Mother's Day with well-wishes, two non-self-cooked meals, cards, a box of chocolates... AND this winning scratcher.

That's a $100 winner on a $3 ticket that I got at the Gas Station Chicken Store on Monday. Guess I won't be buying that ticket again until next week! There are 99 tickets on a roll, and this was number 053. I guessing there won't be a bigger winner left. I try to be logical in my addiction to games of chance!

I bet that future tenant of Hick's apartments is also feeling lucky. The one who was the subject of the police phone call to Hick. Monday morning, Hick looked up his phone number, and called to tell him that the police had found his wallet, and were trying to contact him.

"I'm sure he was glad to hear that news!"

"Yeah. He said he had everything in it. I don't know what he meant by 'everything,' because he had his money in a bank envelope. But he was happy, and said he would go pick it up."

Let's hope that Even Steven doesn't come sniffing around for a while. I'm enjoying the ride while it lasts.

Don't Swear Out a Murder Warrant Just Yet

Let's not jump to conclusions. Val does not need her picture adorning the post office on the Most Wanted List just yet. Hick is still alive and kickin'. Val is not actively trying to kill him...

Sunday afternoon, I stopped at 10Box for a few things before getting my scratchers out of the machine. Those items were four bananas, six lemons, a bag of Sour Cream and Cheddar Potato Chips, and a box of Little Debbie Fudge Rounds. I had the Young Man Checker, who just turned 21 in January, according to the multi-colored-hair checker last week, who assured me that "all our boys are 21 now," when I said I avoided his line when buying Hick's Wild Turkey.

Anyhoo... YM Checker asked how I was doing. He's an entertaining kid, always friendly.

"Oh, I just had to get the necessities."

"Ha ha. I agree. Especially with THESE," he said, scanning the Little Debbie Fudge Rounds.

"Those are for my husband. He eats one every night."

"Oh, no! Does he have nightmares?"

"No. He has diabetes! He shouldn't be eating them at all..."

"Well, he might be having nightmares AND diabetes!"

"I know he shouldn't eat them, but he likes them so much. I'm not really trying to kill him. And who am I to deny him such a small pleasure?"

YM Checker agreed with me. He didn't try to take a picture for evidence while I was bagging my own groceries.

Hick Manages

Hick is definitely earning his less-than-$300 a month for managing the senior apartments. His duties cut into his Friday afternoon bull-shooting session with his cronies. He got a call from one of the elderlies, who thought she had water leaking into her ceiling. Hick drove over to inspect, and said it looked like it was condensation.

"There was a couple drips coming from a little brown spot on the ceiling over her refrigerator. It wasn't dripping anymore by the time I left. I'll get some kill-spray to put on it and watch it to see if it keeps dripping."

"What is kill spray?"

"It'll get rid of whatever the brown spot is. It won't stop a leak. I'm not sure how to stop condensation, if that's what it is."

"I wondered why I passed you coming home an hour early."

"I just didn't go back after I checked out that lady's ceiling."

Saturday evening, Hick had a phone call from THE POLICE! No, Hick is not a suspect.

"The police asked me if I rented to a guy named [REDACTED]. I said I had a [REDACTED] who would be moving in at the first of the month. They wanted his phone number, but I don't have it. I said it was in my desk in my office, and that I could get it Monday. They said they found his billfold, and my card was in it. So they were trying to find out how to contact him to give back his billfold."

"Wow. He must be in a panic. Did he have his money in it? And all his ID?"

"I don't know what was in it, except for my business card."

I don't know why Hick couldn't go get the info before Monday morning, but it was already after 7:00 on Saturday night. Maybe it's hard to do business with the police on a Sunday, though you wouldn't think they'd have a different weekend schedule for that type of job.

Oh, and the old man who wanted to view an apartment and rent it RIGHT THEN didn't qualify. He didn't meet the income requirements for the Senior Center Apartments policy. In calling around to check on his application, Hick also found out that he's apparently been living all over the eastern part of the state. He had been down in Casino Town before he ended up in the Illinois place. It sounds like he lives somewhere until his time or money runs out, and then moves on to another place. It's sad that has to happen, but the Senior Center is not a shelter, and not a nursing home. Hick has to follow the policy.

I've Been Hicked!

Val doesn't ask for much. She's not a compulsive shopper, doesn't demand gewgaws and doodads and tchotchkes, nor fancy jewelry, nor lavish vacations. Just the occasional ride to a casino, and a Reuben sandwich from the Senior Center once a month.

Hick comes and goes as he pleases, starting eleventy-billion projects, working three hours four mornings a week on the flip houses, then traipsing about the countryside gathering collectibles and sellables before returning home for supper. We (mostly) peacefully co-exist. Yet now I feel betrayed!!!

It's almost the middle of May. Since the end of April, I've been asking Hick for the monthly menu handed out at the Senior Center. Hick says he forgets to pick one up. He even had the audacity earlier this week to declare that he DID get a menu, but left it lying on his lunch table. A lot of good that does ME!

"I just wanted to look it over and see if there's anything I might like."

"Well, you could always go there and eat it at lunch."

No. I don't eat lunch. I generally don't have my breakfast of a banana and a handful of fake honey nut cheerios until noon. That's when the Senior Center lunch ends.

On Thursday, May 8, Hick brought home a menu for May. As I looked at it, my heart fell into my stomach.

"NOOOO!!! You made me miss REUBEN DAY! The one lunch that I always ask you to bring me. And you didn't even tell me!!!"

"Oh. They didn't have it. They had a turkey wrap that day. They couldn't get the Reubens."

A likely story! I know the Senior Center sometimes serves off-menu. But it's never happened before on Reuben Day. Hick is no dummy. He knows better than to tell me he had a Reuben for lunch, and then I had none!

I'm pretty sure this delay in getting me the menu had something to do with self-preservation. Not with trying to spare my feelings. Only the wrath.

A Speed-Weave Tapestry for Thevictorians

The sun is even shining on Thevictorians' rumpuses these days! Yesterday I revealed that we received an offer to buy the Double Hovel flip house on Tuesday afternoon, and that our counter-offer was accepted on Wednesday afternoon. The Double Hovel was officially under contract, contingent on the prospective  buyers selling their current house, which they had just put on the market the previous day.

Thursday morning around 9:30, Hick called. I'm always worried about a random phone call from Hick, since in the past they've been related to ER visits with The Pony. It's usually nothing good. But this time, it WAS GOOD!

The prospective buyers had accepted an offer on their current house, and closing on our Double Hovel will be on June 9. After so many months of waiting for a qualified buyer on our flip house, the deal was done in whirlwind fashion, with an offer then a closing date in less than 48 hours!

Of course we are thrilled, and Scrooge-McDuck-ily counting our respective fortunes. Especially The Pony, who made a life-changing decision a few weeks ago. That's not for current discussion, as it saddens Val greatly. Let's just say that The Pony is polishing a nest egg, Val is saving for a rainy day, and Hick is contemplating yet another venture. We must all be careful about counting our ducklings before they hatch, but morale is high around Thevictorian household(s) this week.

Can This Web Be Woven into a Rich Tapestry?

You may recall that we recently renewed our efforts to divide the Double Hovel flip house property. Hick talked to our lawyer last Tuesday to get the process started, and see if we can get a new hearing with the city.

The Universe issued a hearty laugh, and Even Steven snickered. This Tuesday, Hick got a call from Realtor with an offer on the Double Hovel.

This offer was of course not the asking price, but it was a reasonable offer, unlike the previous two that were from investors trying to get a quick bargain. (The very NERVE of them, heh, heh!)

Hick said we should take this offer and be done with it. I said that nobody expects their first offer to be accepted, and that they make their offer with wiggle room to negotiate. Hick pointed out that these prospective buyers had already been approved for a loan, and we should take that offer and run. Again, I wanted a tiny bit more. Enough to cover the lawyer fees for this new attempt to divide the properties. It's not a lot more. It shouldn't be a deal-breaker. 

Since we are a triumvirate, the decision was left to The Pony. Who didn't really care either way. Hick, being experienced with how my hard head works, agreed to counter-offer with my figure. He sent it by text to Realtor at 7:00 a.m. on Wednesday. By 2:00, the prospective buyers had accepted our counter-offer. The Double Hovel is officially under contract!

The prospective buyers are making no demands, asking for no inspections or fees. In my opinion, they know they are getting a bargain! I don't begrudge them that. We will still enjoy a healthy return on our investment money and the sweat of Hick's brow.

The only stipulation is that their purchase depends on the sale of their current house. That's not uncommon. If we receive another offer while waiting for their property to sell, they will have 72 hours to poo or get their rumpuses off the throne (so to speak).

We are cautiously optimistic. 

As for that web, it is being woven into more of a tangle with this contract. We cannot split the property, even if granted such a variance, because it would affect the current proposed deal. Hick is afraid to stop proceedings, lest this deal fall through. He says nothing will be legal anyway until we would get the variance, and have the property surveyed and recorded at the county courthouse. I say maybe we should have Lawyer set our case aside for now, while we see what develops.

You didn't really think this story would end here, did you? More tomorrow...

Thevictorians Who Lunch

Hick met The Pony for lunch on Wednesday. Both had separate business over in Bill-Paying Town. They chose a Chinese buffet. I went there when it first opened, and was not impressed. Of course, that was at least 10 years ago, so there's a chance it might be better now, heh, heh.

Hick does not mind his manners while The Pony is taking pictures! Here he is, forking a piece of fish. That's what everybody chooses at a Chinese buffet, right? Fried fish? Not this ol' Val! I do approve of Hick's choice of pork with mushrooms. The fried rice and General Tso's looks pretty good. I'm not a big shrimp fan. Hick said this was just the peel and eat variety, no special sauce. The crab rangoons look a bit anorexic, and the eggroll nothing special. Still, it was better than my lunch, which was nothing.

The Pony had sweet and sour chicken. Not sure what the chicken with the coating is on that plate with sauces. On the left plate, I spy some black pepper chicken, and perhaps chunks of peanut butter chicken and/or Italian chicken. Same sad rangoons. White rice is fine with me, but NOT the SUSHI! Of course, getting sushi at a Chinese restaurant is not the problem for me, since The Pony also gets it at Country Mart! I'm just not a sushi fan, especially here in our landlocked habitat.

Some things are fixin' to change here for Thevictorians. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have... a story for tomorrow.

You Gotta Spend Money to (Eventually) Make Money

Last week Hick discovered a problem at Bargain House. He was mowing the yard, and noticed an issue around the clean-out pipe for the sewer line. Hick says that's a stand-up pipe connected to the sewer line. It looked like sewage was leaking. He and Old Buddy attempted to clear the suspected clog, using a special part and Hick's power washer. It did not work. So Hick contacted professionals to remedy the issue.

The first guy ran an auger down the clean-out pipe for the cost of $80. That didn't work. Hick began to suspect that it might be roots in the main sewer pipe. He asked about digging up the sewer line to check. The auger guy said he would not dig into the ground for less than $3,500. As you might imagine, Hick was reluctant to pay such a fee. It could be even more, once the actual problem was discovered. 

Hick called a guy who lives out here on the county blacktop road. We had bought a rental duplex from him many years ago. He went to look at the situation. He called on Tuesday evening with a price of $2,200. That's total. He will dig up the line, and then move it to the back yard, rather than the front yard. He will buy the pipe and put it in, connecting it to the city sewer, then cover up the trench. All Hick will have to do is connect the line from under the house to this new line.

It seems like a reasonable deal to me. Hick says all the lines are within about 24 inches of each other. The sewer line, water line, and gas line. Moving the sewer line to the back will make sense. The contractor can tie it in at the alley, and won't have to pay for the city to dig up the road in front. Hick thinks maybe the original sewer line might be cracked, from when the city did work on the water line a few years ago. He said the older sewer lines are made of clay, and any pressure from digging could crack them.

Sometimes, it's who you know. Sometimes, it's Hick knowing when he's being taken advantage of. Sometimes, it's a little of both.

This is not something that could have been foreseen when buying the house. Which only cost us $35,000, lest you forget.

Even Steven at the Auction

Hick went to an auction Monday night. He sent me a text right after it started:

"Just won $38 on the 50/50 drawing."

"Good for you."

Hick can't win on lottery tickets, but he does fairly well on getting bargains and free items at auctions and online. Of course his $38 didn't last long. Hick spent his winnings at the auction.

"I got a wooden case with a glass front. I can use it to display my merchandise. I think it cost me $9. I also got a wooden milk crate that held half-gallon milk bottles. And some Mickey Mouse toys. And aluminum drinking glasses. And two Christmas tree ornaments. One is an Olds Toronado that's a model four years older than mine. The other is a Ford pickup."

There was one more item, but I can't remember what it was. Seems like Hick bought a lot for his $38. As he said, "I didn't even have to spend my own money, since I won the drawing."

__________________________________________________________

The one I forgot was a CEILING FAN, new in the box, for $5. Don't know if Hick will sell it, or save it for a flip house fixture.

__________________________________________________________

Grillin' Is Fillin'

The Pony wanted to have a cookout Sunday, and invited The Veteran to join us. Hick left his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) at 3:00, and came home to start the grill. I picked up The Pony shortlyl after noon, and we prepared some baked beans and garlic cheese bread. The other items were store-bought this time.

We decided to use our cafeteria-style trays, for the variety of foods. Even that was not enough room for The Pony.

The Pony had some red-skin potato salad, garlic cheese bread, a baked potato with Kerrygold stuck on the wrapper, a salad, baked beans, a pineapple/brown sugar bratwurst, and a sausage patty with cheddar chunks made into it.

We didn't get a photo of the trays of Hick and The Veteran, but mine was captured:

I had some garlic cheese bread, a sausage patty, slaw, red-skin potato salad, and baked beans.

 

I forgot to take pictures of the desserts, which were also store-bought. It was cinnamon bread, banana nut bread, triple chocolate cake, and a cherry pie Danish. 

A good time was had by all, with plenty of leftovers for the week.

Pretty Sure That's Not a Tip

The Pony sent me a text on Saturday:

"This has been here for almost a week!"

In keeping with the sentiments of mail carriers on an unofficial Reddit thread, where they often show odd items left in mailboxes, and suspect they are being baited by higher-ups to see if they are honest, I replied:

"Not today, Postal Inspector!"

"Or yesterday! Or Thursday!"

"Heh, heh. Probably waiting for a weed delivery."

"That was my guess! $20 won't get them anything good though."

"They might be on a budget."

"It would barely get you a bag of oregano in high school."

Let the record show that The Pony is not one to pocket money found in mailboxes.

The Milk of Bingo Kindness

Hick also played bingo this week at the Senior Center. He says it is fun again. Which means he's winning "prices" when he plays. This time he didn't send me bragging pictures. He carried in a plastic bag when he returned from whatever he does on Tuesday afternoons. It sat on the table until Thursday evening, when I asked what was in it.

"Oh. Thems my winnings from bingo the other day. I forgot. There's a dessert in there. I'll have it now."

Hick took out a small styrofoam container, saying it was a blueberry muffin. What was inside looked like a big flat cookie. 

"Huh. That looks better than the Fruit Fluff you brought in my dessert!"

"This wasn't for everyone. No carryout. We had a potluck to celebrate 25 years of something, and everybody brought stuff." (Except for Hick, I assume!) Here. Do you want it?"

"No. I'm good. It has teeth marks on the edge."

"Well, I tried it already. I got some other stuff here. Look. Milk!"

"That's not milk! That's milk powder!"

"Same thing. The girls up there say it's good. They use it all the time. You can put it in stuff you cook that needs milk."

"You have mistaken me for somebody who cooks! I hardly ever need milk for anything, unless it's corn muffins."

"And here. A little flower for you. And cookies. Do you want some cookies?"

"No, that's okay. Where'd they come from?"

"From the grocery store."

"They're usually dry."

It was nice of Hick to offer me some of his treasured winnings.

At least Hick won sugar-free cookies this time! Although you can see he hasn't opened the package. And the BEST BY date is April 19, 2025. The little flower is fake, of course. Probably out of somebody's closet when they did spring cleaning and donated it. There's the bag of milk. It's12.8 ounces. Not sure how they chose that number. It's 362 grams. Seems kind of random.

Anyhoo... the dry milk is NOT expired! It has a BEST BY date of 02/23/26. I know! I'm as shocked as you are. But here's what really caught my eye:

The bingo milk is packaged by TRANSYLVANIA VOCATIONAL SERVICES! I'm sure it's perfectly fine. You notice this info is on the back. At least that's not their brand name, which appears to be Mountain Maid. It's hard to imagine using milk from a Mountain Maid in Transylvania...

Hick Gives Bingo Another Try

Hick went to Wednesday night bingo once again. Now that a certain person has stopped attending, Hick thinks it will be fun. He didn't win anything, but it kept him off the streets from 4:30 to 9:00. Hick was excited to play.

"Some of the girls (age 50s-60s) are going at 4:00 to get us a table. The half-price food and drinks are from 4:30 to 5:30."

After all this time away from night-time bingo, what did Hick choose for his supper?

Is it just me, or does that look not very appetizing? It could be the color. As Hick texted:

"They got these stupid blue lights." Looks like an adult beverage helped him cope! Rest assured, Hick will not be ordering refill after refill on a soda, garnished with a full jar of cherries.

"Your nachos don't look all that good."

"They were actually pretty good."

"Inside of the bar."

"Doesn't look crowded."

"It's filling up alot of the same old people."

"Heh, heh, OLD people!"

"They are younger than me."

Pardon me for asking Hick later if it was some kind of dress-up night. Just judging from the hair on the "girls" at Hick's table. He said it was not. I asked why they looked like some of Miss Kitty's girls. He said they didn't. Sorry. I don't mean to hair-shame them, me of the lovely lady-mullet. It's just not hair that I'm used to seeing on my trips around town.

One of Hick's buddies won a "price."

 

"My buddy won a bottle of vine." I think what Hick meant was WINE. Said the guy was happy to win, and that he planned to give it to his daughter.

The grand prize was a TRAMPOLINE! It was won by the sister of one of the gals at Hick's table. She went to claim it, and they offered her $100 cash. She took it. I suppose a 50-something woman does not have much use for a trampoline, though Hick thinks it was worth more than that. He said he would have taken the trampoline! Yes. I know you're giggling at the thought of Hick bouncing on a trampoline, when in reality you know he would have sold it for at least a 50-cent profit!