Hick Forgot His Banana

Friday, another day toiling at the SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) for Hick. Actually, Friday is only a half-day there for him. He packs a lunch, leaves at 6:00 a.m., and stays until about 1:00, when he leaves to gallivant about the county, ending up at his Friday afternoon bull-shooting session with his cronies.

When I passed through the kitchen around 7:00, I noticed that Hick had forgotten his banana. We each have a banana every morning. I buy a bunch of six or eight at a time. So there should have been an odd number of bananas in the bowl. Nope. There were six.

Don't you worry about Hick. He won't starve. He has a protein breakfast bar every morning. His lunch was ready to be placed in a recycled Country Mart bag. It consisted of an apple, a snack baggie of Animal Cookies, frozen mini sausage biscuits to be heated later, and a square piece of his Mississippi Mud auction cake. [He managed to eat half of it before I had to slice the remainder into nine pieces and freeze them.] He would have taken an individual bag of chips, but said he had some left at the SUS2.5. I also suspect he might have picked up a Casey's donut on the way. So he wasn't going to starve for lack of a banana.

Anyhoo... as he was leaving, Hick muttered something about hating to miss lunch at the Senior Center, because they were having catfish.

He had finally brought home an October menu a couple days ago. Why do I feel like Hick will be dining on:

Catfish

Baked Beans

Corn Nuggets

Dessert Bar

Maybe he can find a banana on that dessert bar. Wait! Why are you laughing?

Hick's Freebie Magnet is Fully Charged

Hick came through the kitchen door Tuesday afternoon with a cardboard box. He deposited it on the cutting block, taking up half.

"Hey! You're not going to leave that there! Whatever it is, YOU need to put it away."

"It's food, Val. From the FREE food giveaway out at the junior college they have every month. Them gals at the Senior Center [Translation: Hick's Harem] was talkin' about it. They always go. There's too much stuff for them. They cain't use it all. One of 'em gave me this box."

Inside was a 5-lb bag of yellow onions. A 3-lb bag of Gala apples. A bag of Goldfish snacks that was BEST BY August 16. 

"She had two bags of these onions, and two bags of apples. She kept the bananas and some other stuff. This is what she didn't want, but didn't want to waste it."

That's fine. I use a lot of onions. We can eat the apples, or I can cook them with a bit of cinnamon. The Goldfish crackers aren't my favorite, but I'll eat them rather than throw them out. Oh, and I found out Thursday morning that there was more! Hick has been keeping it from me!

"There was an ice cream size container of pepperonis. They're at the house. I had them with me and wasn't comin' right home, so I put them there and forgot."

Yeah. A likely story. I'm sure Hick will be snacking on pepperonis. It's no loss to me. I hate pepperoni. But if they were here, I could add them to his pizza. So typical of Hick to only share with me what he deems sharable, heh, heh.

Back in Hick's Lap (House)

If it takes constant attention, and sending me very similar pictures to make Hick get to work on Lap House, I'm fine with it. I just past those approval-seeking pictures along to you. My people.

Hick had a story on Tuesday.

"Me and Old Buddy put in the upper cabinet this morning. I retched up [Hick's pronunciation of "reached"] and wondered why I couldn't get ahold of the door. We had put it in upside down! The handle was up by the ceiling!"

"Oh, my people will love that!"

"The worst thing is, we had put it up twice! Both the wrong way. After the first time, we seen a problem with the ceiling that we had to fix. Then we put the cabinet back, still upside down, and neither one of us noticed it!"

"So... did you fix it?"

"Not yet. We'll do it tomorrow. All we have to do is undo four screws and flip it over. Then screw them back in."

Hick got the cabinet fixed on Wednesday morning. By himself. Old Buddy didn't show up.

This would not have been a problem for Hick to do alone. You can see that he has that "cheat board" nailed to the wall, to hold the weight of the cabinet while it's being screwed. Also, Hick applied a coating of stain to the butcher block counter. That needed to be done within 48 hours of unwrapping the counter. The picture looks a little different, because this was taken when it was still dark outside, not with the morning light streaming in.

Still a lot of work to be done. You won't miss anything. 

A Side Note

FINALLY, Hick has the siding back on the outside of Lap House. It's the corner where he put in the new electric box. This was supposed to be a job for Old Buddy last week, but I don't think it happened then. Hick sent me a text on Monday that he was going out to put on the siding. Then a picture:

It looks like that corner is back to normal! Here's a closer look.

I can't even tell that the siding had been removed. Maybe the shade camouflages it, but I think Hick did a nice job fitting it back to the original condition.

Also, Hick has put some chairs on the front porch, making it look more home-y. I'm sure that was not the plan. It was likely to get the chairs out of the back yard for mowing purposes, and as a place to take a break from (sporadic) working.

Only the rest of the kitchen, two bedrooms, a living room, a laundry room, and a bathroom to go!

Butchering the Lap House Kitchen

Hick was back to work Monday at Lap House. I'm not so sure he had helpers this day, because he sent me a text every half hour or so. Meaning he wasn't putting all his energy into bossing people around!

Here's a preliminary look at the kitchen counter:

As Hick noted, this countertop is just set in place. Nothing fastened yet, nothing trimmed. I wasn't sure I would like the butcher block, but now I love it! I think it goes well with the new (lower) cabinets, and the vintage sink.

Hick was thinking about a white laminate floor, but I'm leaning towards a tan or beige. Not a wood grain, but something that looks like tile. That way it won't clash with the butcher block. I'll suggest it to Hick, but you know how he is about bargains. I suspect he will favor the budget, rather than my preferences.

Hick Is Working at Lap Speed

Thursday was another day of work on Lap House. The new lower cabinets were actually installed. Hick sent The Pony a picture, but not me! Of course The Pony shared. At first I thought it was the same picture I had gotten the day before (which The Pony didn't), where the new cabinets were just set in place. Nope! They're actually installed now.

That's a vintage cast iron porcelain enamel double sink with drainboards. Hick is leaving it. They are going for around $1000 from what I see on the innernets. The upper cabinet with the dishes is old. That is going away, says Hick. There won't be an upper cabinet in that area, but on the side. Also, the flooring is just linoleum, and will be torn out, to be replaced with laminate. Hick is thinking white, but I don't know if people want a WHITE kitchen floor. That's a lot of white. Hick said he did it in Bargain House, but I think that was more gray.

The view out the kitchen window is the unoccupied church next door, and its little toddler playground. The church building is for sale. I like the rock architecture. Hick took a tour of it with Realtor Guy, just for kicks (unfair to Realtor Guy, who told Hick he didn't mind, because he's more likely to make sales if he shows properties). Anyhoo... Hick said he can't imagine anybody buying the church to convert into a duplex, because it would take too much work.

I hope for more work on Lap House this week. If Hick can get it done soon, and on the market, I would complain less about keeping Cheap House for a total renovation.

The Return of the Laundry Bandit

I can't believe Hick was holding out on this information! Doesn't he know I have stories to tell? It was almost an accidental reveal. We were talking about the cold Hick has come down with.

"I don't know where you got it, but I sure don't want to catch it. From the timing, I'd say you caught it on Sunday or Monday."

"I don't want you to get it, either. I might have got it down at the lockers."

"Or kissing one of your Harem!"

"I ain't kissin' none of my Harem. Oh, and our laundry guy is back."

"I told you! Wait! I thought you said it was a woman. Some lady's granddaughter."

"I seen a man go in there carrying laundry. He has to know! I've got great big signs right over the washer that it's for tenants only. Next time, I'm gonna do what you said. And keep the clothes. I think it's the same people, and the husband is doing it now."

"If nobody asks about the clothes after a couple weeks, you could give them to the grandma and tell her next time you'll keep them. You think you know who it is, right?"

"Yeah. And they've been bringing a dog in there, too. The others told me about it. I went to talk to her, and told her she cain't be havin' a dog unless she has a doctor's note that she needs it for therapy. She said, 'I don't have a dog here. You can come and look in my apartment. It was just for a visit.'"

"Is it a little dog?"

"No! It's a great big dog!" Hick held his hand at the height of the couch arm.

"Well. You need to make that free laundry stop. They don't have any excuse, now that they're doing it with the signs up. Probably the grandma telling them to stop won't do it, either. So she shouldn't be blamed. They are adults. They can read the signs."

Hick was probably hanging onto this tale, waiting for a time when he needed to distract me from a line of interrogation he wanted to avoid...

Hick Grabs Another Man's Junk

Hick took the torn-out cabinets from Lap House to the landfill/recycling center. You have to pay by weight for what you are dumping. Hick says he backs SilverRedO into a big building, and has to unload it himself, among piles of stuff other dumpers have left.

"We were gettin' the cabinets unloaded, and saw a chainsaw just sitting there on a pile of stuff. And two grease guns. The old guy next to me said, 'Looks like somebody dumped a chainsaw.' I said, 'Yep.' And went and got it--"

"Wait! What if that other man wanted it? He pointed it out!"

"That's too bad. I got to it first. I seen it, too. He just happened to say that before I grabbed it. I got them two grease guns, too. I brought the chainsaw home, and it works! Nothing wrong with it. It's a 16- or 18-inch chainsaw. Worth $82, according to the internet. And them grease guns? One of them is air operated. One of them could be anywhere from $30 to $125. It was a pretty good haul, for going to dump the cabinets."

That's our Hick. His FREEbie Magnet is working overtime.

It's Finally LAPpening

Are you sitting down? Prepare yourself. Hick has worked on Lap House two days this week! It might be three, if his plans work out today (Thursday).

Monday, Hick was busy at the senior apartments. But Tuesday, he and HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) tore out the old cabinets in Lap House, and took them to the landfill/recycling center. Wednesday, they set the new cabinets in place in the Lap House kitchen. Today, HOS was assigned to tearing out a bad section of the kitchen floor that was discovered when the old cabinets came out. And Old Buddy's task was to replace the siding on the outside of Lap House, around the new electric box. I assume Hick's job was to supervise.

I think they look wonderful! It's only the bottom section for now. The sink is staying. It's some old-fashioned metal sink, maybe tin, coated with porcelain. That's what Hick says, anyway. The building inspector commented how he liked it, when he was there to approve the wall studs the $1000 job guy put in. He said you don't see those kind of sinks anymore.

Hick says he's planning to use butcher block for the counter. It's the right thickness to match up to the sink level. I'm not sure how it will look with that floor. Or if Hick is even keeping the floor. I don't know what it's made of, or the condition, but I kind of like that pattern.

Anyhoo... I am relieved to see some progress on Lap House, even if it's only one picture. AND Hick had another story from the landfill. Coming soon.

The Auction Return

If these are the best things Hick could find to buy at the auction, I can understand why he hasn't gone for so long! Sure, his prize find was that gigantic Mississippi Mud Cake for $25. That's not something you find every day, and not something most people would buy.

The first picture he sent from the auction was this:

"Bought railroad light and a couple other things."

"Reminds me of a kerosene heater."

Hick did not reply. But did confirm later that this railroad light runs on kerosene. He did not mention who that hand belongs to, steadying the light on his leg. Nor did he elaborate on the "other things" that I think are sitting between his feet. It looks like a professional sports themed wastebasket, for the Arizona Cardinals. I can't tell what's inside.

The other item Hick sent a picture of was this, with no comment:

It is a cross-section of a log, with a message burned into the wood. No idea of Hick's plans for this, but I suspect it might be on our front porch. Or maybe it will demand a place of honor INSIDE our hillbilly mansion. Hick was quite tickled with this acquisition. He paid $2 for it, which is surely a bargain for such a slice of home decor. He paid $22 for the railroad light.

I imagine Hick will go back to the auction, if for no other reason than to look for a tasty dessert.

Stop the HICKsanity!

Hick went to the auction Monday night. It's been many months since he's been there. Nothing special was advertised for it. He just wanted to go. He sent me a couple of pictures of items he bought. You'll see them tomorrow. Today, you can share my shock at Hick's other purchase.

Hick got home around 8:30. He walked through the door holding something across his forearms. At first, I thought he must have gotten a gift from his Harem earlier in the day, while collecting rents. But no. It was something from the auction.

"What's that? Did your Harem give you treats?"

"No. It's a cake. I bought it at the auction. It was a fundraiser, so I gave them $25 for it. The guy who bought the thing ahead of me gave $100!"

A Mississippi Mud cake. My mom used to make them. Hers looked much better than this one, which appeared a bit anemic to me. Mom's was darker, with glossy icing, and a thick layer of marshmallow just under it, before the cake.

This cake had a really thick layer of icing, which looks as if it came right out of the plastic can. Not that there's anything wrong with that... Also, the marshmallow might have been marshmallow creme that melted out during cooking, because it's across the bottom of the pan. I could see a tiny sliver of white between the icing and cake, but it doesn't show in this picture.

The cake was H U G E !!! It's in an 11 x 15 inch glass baking dish! The innernets say such a dish serves 8-12 people. Hick is only ONE person!

This auction cake takes up almost the entire bottom shelf of FRIG II. You can see Little Debbie peeking up from the drawer below, on a box of Hick's snack cakes. Behind her is a glimpse of Hick's box of Mounjaro. 

I'll leave it at that.

The Loot in Its Natural Habitat

Hick went back to the city last week to pick up cabinets from the laundry room of the rich guy doing kitchen renovations. It was just Hick and Old Buddy on this trip. Hick was a bit irritated with Good Buddy.

"He's always gotta be in a hurry. We was carrying out them cabinets, and he shoved me backwards. I hurt my hip and my knee."

To be fair, Hick was already wearing a knee brace on that knee. So it's not like Old Buddy was such a brutish monster. Hick's fragility contributed. 

Anyhoo... Hick didn't have a picture of the cabinets for me after unloading. But he had the one he took of them in the rich guy's house.

They are really nice cabinets! That's a marble top on the lowers. I'm pretty sure the washer and dryer are NOT part of the deal. But still, the cabinets are great.

I'm not sure of Hick's plans for these cabinets. My blood ran cold when he said, "They would be great for the laundry room in Cheap House."

That is not good news to me. Cheap House is supposed to be a bare-bones quick flip!

Baby Steps in Cheap House

The only thing that got done in Cheap House last week was done by Hick, alone. At first I overestimated his handiwork.

"So you put an archway in between the kitchen and the living room?"

"No. The archway was already there. I just put up some drywall to make it smaller. That's because I need the space on the wall beside it to put a refrigerator."

Doesn't sound to me like a man who is only putting up basic walls so a fellow flipper can see the plan for the house...

Anyhoo... this view was taken by standing in the kitchen. The arch goes into the living room, which used to be a bedroom. It's at the back of Cheap House, where the exterior door is. Where the old back porch was torn off.

The area on the other side of the framed part is meant to be a laundry room, I think. It doesn't look big enough to be a front bedroom.

I hope more progress can be made on SOMETHING in either flip house this week.

Friday Night Free-For-All, Courtesy of Hick's Harem

Hick's Harem left him alone last week. It was NOT the start of a trend.

Hick was home at 4:00 on Friday. He must have spent less time shooting the bull with his cronies, in his excitement to get home an wait for the season premiere of his Gold Rush show at 7:00. He went outside with the dogs for an hour. Then went to have a shower so he could sit around in tighty-whites and have supper in his recliner, then watch his show.

While he was in the shower, I heard his phone ringing in the living room. He returned the call when he got out at 5:20. I was getting ready to fix his supper when I heard him giving instructions on the phone.

"The easiest way is to get the key downstairs in the EMT box. It's inside, but by the front door. A little black box. There's a master key in it. Just punch in the code. It's [# # # #]. Then please put the key back, in case somebody else needs it. Okay? All right. Thank you, Ma'am."

That seemed overly polite. But you know Hick and his Harem. Soon enough, every one of them will have lost their key, if for no other reason than to get Hick's attention on a Friday night!

"Let me guess. It was your Harem."

"No. Well. Actually, it was one of my guys. The one who likes to drink. He's locked out. That was his daughter. He called her to see what to do, and she called me."

"Will she be able to find the key?"

"She should. She's a teacher. With your sister's daughter Niecy. Or at least she knows Niecy. She said that when I was showing them the apartment a while back."

At 5:30, the Hick's phone rang again. I figured the "teacher" was having trouble with the key. But no. I could hear a buzzer blaring, from Hick's loud volume, or coming out his other ear.

"Yeah. I can hear it. Somebody's pulled the fire alarm. I'll have to come over and turn it off. There's no smoke, right? No sign of a fire? Well, just hang on and I'll be there as soon as I can."

"I bet it was that daughter looking for the key!"

"They're in different places, Val. I don't know WHO did it."

"Your Harem. It IS Friday night..."

Hick said that call was another one of his four men tenants. He rushed to put on shorts and a shirt. The drive to the apartments takes 23 minutes.

At 6:20, Hick called to say he was on his way home. I started his supper. He got home in time to fill his plate and sit down for his show.

"It was the old man. The daughter told him how to get the master key. When I got there, he said, 'I pulled on it but didn't get a key.' He had pulled the fire alarm!"

"Is it by the key box? Does it look the same?"

"It's about two feet under the key box. It's a regular fire alarm!"

"You mean like a red thingy on a school wall, where you have to pull the bar to set off the alarm. And says IN CASE OF FIRE?"

"Yeah. And the key box is about 2 inches by 4 inches, and black, with a number panel on the front. I guess he got confused. He seemed sober to me."

"Were the other people mad at him?"

"I don't know. But the one gal helped everybody get down the stairs and out of the building. The elevators shut down for a fire alarm. I called my boss on the way over there, to tell him. And asked him to call the fire chief and tell him there was no fire, before he called in 14 fire departments from other towns! I didn't want to deal with him complaining to me!"

There's no such thing as an uneventful Friday night for Hick. The male harem must have been feeling slighted, and has taken to using tactics of Hick's regular Harem.

Hardly Happenings

Very little was done on either flip house this week. As I mentioned before, Hick has been home by 2:00 every day, and took Tuesday off to drive to the city for some cabinets. Then on Thursday he was blindsided by Old Buddy, who had "forgotten" to tell Hick that he had jury duty, and was chosen!

"He said he hated it. That he didn't want to sit in a courtroom all day. But you know he's loving it. He gets out of working for me, and he feels important, and he'll get jury duty pay. He loves having jury duty like a kid loves candy!"

Hick got a call from a lunch lady at the Senior Center on Thursday afternoon. At first I thought it was one of his Harem, because he was being really nice and polite. He said no, just one of the cooks, complaining about a smell. The meal program is in the bottom level of the apartment building. She said something smelled dead. Hick said he was aware, and that he had spent all day Wednesday looking for the source, which seems to be on the third floor. It's not a PERSON, thank goodness. But Hick can't figure out what or where it is. He mentioned the possibility of something being stuck in the chimney. Like a squirrel or raccoon. I don't know how he's going to figure it out. I suppose it will eventually stop stinking.

Just like the flip houses will eventually be ready to list for sale.

YOU Tell ME

Somebody's sellin', and I ain't buyin' it!

Here we go again. Another period of extra scammers who are trying to test Val's patience. I don't know who's responsible for doling out my phone and email like cheap candy on October 31st. 

Every night (technically early morning) between 12:00 and 1:00 a.m., I get an email from some gal with an insurance agency wanting me to remember to DocuSign a form. No thank you, Ma'am. Even though it's a company with which we do flip house business, it is not in your state, and you are not our agent. Also, my name is not Robert. And why can't you at least operate during standard business hours?

This Robert guy must be forking out money all over the place. I get emails saying that a car dealership has not received the documents he was supposed to send them. That's in South Carolina. Maybe it's about his insurance, heh, heh!

Anyhoo... I also get calls, which are easier to ignore. If I don't answer, I don't wonder what it's all about. There's one number that keeps calling. It's from my supplemental health insurance. I know, because sometimes they leave a message telling me to call them back.

AS IF! Now the dang telemarketers want ME to do THEIR work! After so many years of actually answering, only to find out they want to push some "benefit" like mail order prescriptions, and don't want to take NO for an answer... I quit wasting my time answering. Here's the thing, which I explained to them. I live a mile up a gravel road. I don't trust my 90 days of prescriptions to actually reach me when I need them. My mail is not secure. Anybody driving by can help themselves. 

Anyhoo... the health insurance company calls several times a day. Usually when I'm driving. They called early a couple days ago, before I left for town. I answered, my intention to tell them I was not interested, and to stop calling me.

"Hello? I'm with Your Health Insurance, and I'm calling to speak with Val Thevictorian."

"This is Val."

"I know that your birthdate is [Month/Day]. Can you please give me the year to verify your identity?"

"No. You have all the information. I shouldn't need to tell you."

"Well. I am required to ask you that to make sure I don't release any medical information to the wrong person."

"YOU called ME. So you already know that. I'm not giving out that information. What do you need to talk to me about?"

"I can't tell you that without verifying your identity."

"You send me statements in the mail, and offers and notices. Anybody could open them. I figure if it's something important, you can mail it to me. So I guess we're done talking, because I'm not giving you my birth year. No need to stay on the phone or call me again. You have a nice day."

A couple minutes later, I got an email about the Silver Sneakers program. The email didn't ask for my birth year. It was my LAST CHANCE to sign up and take online classes about moving my body.

Lap House MIGHT Get a Little Attention This Week

Hick said over the weekend that he planned to start working on Cheap House for three hours in the mornings, and Lap House for three hours in the afternoons. He broke the news to Old Buddy, who had said he was ready to get back to work.

Monday morning, I mentioned that I'd read the Chester, Illinois bridge was going to be demolished. Hick has taken this bridge many times in his travels. It's about an hour away from here. His ears perked up.

"That would be something to see!"

He googled, and found out it would be happening that morning. Not convenient for him, though I suspect if I'd told him about it the night before, he would have gone.

Tuesday, Hick and Old Buddy went to the city, to pick up the laundry room cabinets from the rich guy's kitchen renovation. Did he do laundry in the kitchen, I wonder? Anyhoo... Hick was home by 2:00. So the flippin' plans were not realized that day.

Here it is Wednesday, as I type. Hick forgot his phone at home, and came out to get it around 10:00. Then he was headed back to the Senior Center for lunch. I'm trying to figure out when all this work is getting done

Hick DID send me some pictures from inside Lap House, after the hired carpenter guy's $1000 job. Hick said he had two helpers.

Hick even labeled the pictures for me, since I DON'T KNOW NOTHIN'! This used to be the living room at the front of Lap House. It's being converted to a bedroom. There's the front door. That inset area is going to be the closet in the bedroom. Hick said the hall by the door/closet area is 36 inches, and past that, it widens to over four feet. You can see the framing for the bedroom door.

This isn't even a whole wall! Just shims so the wall is not off-kilter when the drywall is put up. It's a 1920s house, and not everything was square. This will be the new living room. You can see a sliver of the hall that leads to the front door. The white door is the entrance to the existing front bedroom.

The Viking gas stove from the rich guy's renovation is currently parked in the laundry closet that just got framed in. This is on the back wall of the house. In the living room.

It doesn't look like $1000 worth of work to me, seeing as how Hick bought the materials. But I suppose skilled help costs more than Hick's regular helpers.

Hopefully Hick will stick to his plan to work on both houses each day. I haven't gotten any new pictures as proof. These were from Sept 22, and work not even done by Hick. By the time you read this it will be at least Thursday. Another "work" week gone. The (three-day) weekends are devoted to the SUS2.5.

The FREEbie Magnet Pulls in More Treasure

The Pony and I need to keep close tabs on Hick, lest he fill up Lap House with FREEbies. The Viking gas stove from the rich guy's kitchen renovation is there now. And a few days ago, I found out Hick scored some more flip-worthy goods.

"There's this lady who eats lunch at the Senior Center. She said she had some paint that she wasn't going to use, and did I want it." [We all know that answer to that!]

"One of your Harem?"

"No. Just a lady."

"Why would she ask YOU if you wanted it?"

"She knows I do work like that. Her brother and sister-in-law gave her a bunch of paint about three years ago, thinking she would use it to have her house painted, inside and out. Her house really does need paint. The siding is dried out. It's not a money thing. She just don't want to deal with it. She said I could have it, if I'd come get it, just to get it out of her house."

"What color?"

"White. It's a LOT of paint. Way more than she would need. There are six 5-gallon buckets of paint! Only one of them had been opened. There wasn't much gone at all. Those buckets go for $250 to $280. So that's about $1500 worth of paint."

"Can you use it on the flip houses?"

"Yeah. There's plenty for more than two flip houses. I've got it in Lap House, so it don't get affected by the weather."

I hope Hick doesn't plan on buying more flip houses right now, just to use that paint!

The Pony is Hick's FREE-Loader

On my way to pick up The Pony last Thursday for Errand Day, I passed by the Beauty Shop. You know, the little house that was part of our Double Hovel flip. It's street is a shortcut to The Pony's house. Of course I always look at it, and silently (or not) berate the new owner for turning that cute little house into a workshop. It has looked the same since we sold it. Just unoccupied. So I've held out hope that he'd leave the little house alone. The hope was dashed on Thursday.

Sitting out front on the wooden handrail by the sidewalk was an object. At first, I thought it was the base of an old computer. Really old. Like maybe from an Apple 2e. Or an old dot-matrix printer. It was that same shade of tan. Maybe I should get new glasses. Or at least wear them when I'm driving.

Anyhoo, as I went by, I saw a sign on the object. FREE! 

By the time I had The Pony riding shotgun, on our way to Walmart, I realized what it was.

"Pony. I think there's a FREE range hood over at the Beauty Shop. We're going that way. Let's go by and make sure. I guess that guy is actually tearing out stuff to make his workshop. I wonder if Dad would want it. Text him and see."

The Pony did, and got an immediate response. "Sure. It's probably the one I just put in."

The object was still there, and it WAS a range hood. The Pony hopped out and got it. Put it in T-Hoe's rear. This family can't leave a perfectly good range hood sit around for somebody else to snatch!

Once home, I told Hick to get his range hood and put it somewhere else. He chose the back of the Gator, along with a bunch of other junk that I'm pretty sure was not FREE.

"It's brand new! The one I put in the Beauty Shop. I'll find somewhere to use it."

Hick and The Pony. The FREEbie Magnet and the FREE-Loader.

A Colorful Blast From Hick's Past

As The Pony and I were leaving Country Mart a couple weeks ago, a vehicle pulled in.

"I'm getting a picture of that for your dad. It looks like the kind of truck he had when we first met. Except the bed of this one is longer. But his was all different colors, too. The people at the pool would see him drive in on the weekend, after he'd picked up HOS and The (little future) Veteran. They'd say, 'Here comes Sandford and sons!'"

I wasn't sure of the year. I thought it was a 1965. I was right! Except Hick said his didn't have that roof shelf thingy sticking out, and he had a full back window, not the little one.

There's the long bed. Hick's version had a short bed. Which I suppose was just a regular bed. Hick's was darker in color. I can't really describe it. A lot of rust and red and dark blue, I think.

Anyhoo... this was back when I first met Hick. I lived in a townhouse apartment, and Hick lived across the parking lot in a regular 1-bedroom ground floor apartment. We met at the pool. When Hick started driving me around in his truck, he said he was planning on getting it painted. An Earl Scheib special ($29.95), he said! Money was tight then, as he had just been divorced less than a year.

Anyhoo... Hick had some spray paint, and painted only the passenger door. Just for me, he said. The top around the window was white, like this one in the picture. And the bottom of the door was royal blue. Only the best for Hick's new woman, heh, heh!

Anyhoo... I showed Hick these pictures of the truck, and he said:

"Oh, I know that truck. The lady who drives it delivers meals for the Senior Center."

Well. Not that day. A man got out of this truck.

The Pony liked the story of his dad painting the truck door just for me.

If a Tree Falls in the Woods, We Don't Hear the Sound

Hick's squirrel-hunting buddy was out here last week. His differently-abled brother comes along, and hunts from the tailgate of their truck parked in our driveway. Sometimes he will sit on the edge of the carport. They know how to hunt. Know their background. We're not in any danger of stray shots.

Anyhoo, the buddy walked down to the creek, toward the area of Hick's creekside cabin. There's no actual road, but a wide path where we've always driven the 4-wheelers or the Gator and the Scout. I don't drive them, but I was the passenger of a tweenage Genius many a time, white-knuckling my way down that boulder-strewn, leaf-covered path, holding on for dear life as the Gator pitched to and fro. 

Anyhoo... when Hick talked to the buddy later that day, he was told: "You're lucky you still have a cabin left! There are a couple trees down. I don't think you can drive down your road."

Hick made a trip on the Gator to investigate on Wednesday evening.

"Can't get to the cabin."

That's a pretty big tree. You have to look close to see the cabin on the other side.

There's the side view. The front door and porch face towards the creek. Hick can get there on foot now, but has to park the Gator and go around the tree. Looks like a job for HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) and a chainsaw. HOS can even sell the wood.

We figure this happened in the storm that knocked out our electricity for 13 hours. The trees behind the house were swirling that evening. We sit on top of a hill. This fallen tree is way down in the woods, surrounded by other trees to slow the wind, and down in a gully. I suppose it got swirled just right. Or wrong.

Festival Parking

At a concert, it's called Festival Seating. You can sit where you want. Some people in Backroads believe this concept also applies to parking. There's a guy who frequents the Gas Station Chicken Store who does this often.

I was parked in my rightful handicap space. There was a truck in front of me at the FREE AIR space. It's not designated for the FREE AIR hose, just has lines denoting a parking space. The maroon truck was there when I arrived. It had a handicap placard, but I suppose the guy needed air in his tires, or the lone handicap space had been occupied at that time.

Anyhoo... here's how we were situated:

Maroon Truck was within the lines of his parking space, and I was within the lines of mine. I had just gotten in with my scratchers, preparing to write on the back of them so I know where they came from in case I have a good winner. That's when Festival Parker arrived.

Festival Parker is a guy in a white SUV who parks BESIDE the handicap space. I've even seen him park there when the handicap space is open. It's not like he needs the handicap space. No designated plate or placard, and no visible signs of different-abledness. This day, he must have just come from work. He was wearing a neon yellow vest of the sort worn by people who work outside and want to avoid being run over. So was the passenger in his white SUV.

You can barely see Festival Parker's passenger here. It's not his fault. I didn't try to get his picture. The guy in the white truck is innocent. He was just squeezing by along the diesel pumps, to exit out the back alley. Festival Parker was blocking the driving lane. And also blocking me in.

My only way out was to back up. Which doesn't sound hard, but this is at the corner of the building. I'd be backing across the where two lanes exit the gas pumps, and people (like Festival Parker or diesel customers) come walking across after doing their business inside. T-Hoe's backup beeper doesn't work. So I have to keep my head on a swivel to keep from killing somebody.

Sometimes, I wish I could conceal-carry those tire-puncturing strips. Just for fun.

The Harem is Still Kickin'

I had just finished typing up yesterday's tale of the laundry room invader when Hick came in from mowing the front yard/field.

"I have to go back to town. One of the ladies is locked out of her apartment."

"What's the rush? Isn't there a key box for that?"

"It's her door. She says she has her key, but it won't unlock. It just keeps turning, but won't let her in. So I need to go see about it. She's sitting outside."

"Well, it's 70 degrees. She's probably fine."

"Yeah. There's a nice little outdoor area for them. But I don't want her unable to get into her apartment."

Of course no complaint from one of Hick's Harem is ever as it seems. They conveniently or inconveniently or obliviously leave out certain details. Which I discovered later that evening when Hick returned.

"So how did you fix her lock? Put on a new doorknob? Was the lock messed up, or what?"

"No. She wasn't strong enough. It was the deadbolt. She had the key in her hand. She'd turn it left to unlock, but that's what locks it. So then she'd turn it right, but there's a catch in it. She couldn't turn it hard enough. I put the key in and it worked first time. But she couldn't. So I fixed it so it didn't catch."

That  call was on Wednesday. We'll see if it can carry over into a Harem-free Friday.

More Harem Hijinx

Shockingly enough, there were no phone calls on Friday night from Hick's Harem! Not even the gal with the dog who needed his shot record for moving at the first of next month, even though she isn't moving until the END of next month because she made a clerical error with HUD. 

Don't let that missing phone call lull you into a false sense of complacency. A new issue has arisen. I called Hick on Wednesday, shortly after noon, about collar-training our roaming doggy, Pepper, and about his squirrel-hunting buddy roaming our acreage.

"What are you doing right now?"

"I'm at the apartments, putting signs in the laundry room. Somebody complained that they saw a woman bringing in laundry. It's happened a couple times. I think it's one of the gal's granddaughter. And there's a bunch of clothes laying around. A BUNCH of clothes."

"Well, you can't prove that they're hers."

"It's got a bunch of kids' clothes in it! They're all over the place."

"You should lock them up in your office!"

"I need to throw them away."

"NO! Don't throw anybody's clothes away! They're already trying to do their laundry for free. They can't afford new clothes."

"Yeah. I guess not."

"This way, she'll have to ASK for the clothes. So you know for sure it's her, and you can tell her you thought maybe some homeless person got in, and it's not a public laundry. That you almost threw the clothes away. Then she'll get the message that she shouldn't come back."

"My signs all say LAUNDRY IS FOR TENANTS ONLY. I have three signs on each floor's laundry room. One on the door, one above the washer, and one on the window by the dryer."

"What if she keeps doing it? What will you tell her grandma?"

"I'll tell her she can't let anybody else use the laundry, and if it happens again, she'll need to find somewhere else to live, because that's not allowed."

I can understand why the other residents don't want a granddaughter using their laundry room. She takes up the washer and dryer and all the space, when they might want to rightfully do their free laundry that's a perk of living in the apartments.

Now I'm curious how this story will end.

My Deep Cover Agent Brings Word of a Betrayal

Hick has stored the rich guy cabinets at Cheap House. I asked about that, because we have a BARn and a Freight Container Garage that SHOULD have room to store such items. Unless, of course, Hick has junked them up with his hoarder stuff. I'm pretty sure that the BARn is full. And probably the FCG as well.

"Why are you putting that kitchen stuff in Cheap House?"

"Because the trailer was just down the street, and it was easy to unload them there."

I accepted this excuse. The stove is supposed to be installed at Lap House, which is only a couple miles away. I still don't know exactly where the stove is. But I thought maybe it could have been in the way of the guy hired for $1000 to build some walls there. I suppose he is done. Hick sent some pictures.

That's a story for another day.

Here are the cabinets that came out of the rich guy's kitchen:

The plan is to use the cabinets in our flip house(s). There are too many for just one flip house.

In telling The Pony about the hired walls being done in Lap House, I unearthed a nugget of information. Which might explain Hick's snippiness on Sunday when I asked about the storage of the kitchen items.

"Maybe now that the walls are up, Dad can get to work and get Lap House done and listed."

"He supposedly only has a couple walls to put up in Cheap House, and then it can go on the market."

"Well, he really wants to finish that one, too."

"WHAT? I KNEW he'd pull this! That was not the deal!"

"Well, when he drove me home last night after training the dog, he said he thinks another $10,000 will get Cheap House finished. And then we could ask $100,000-something, instead of just selling it to a flipper."

"For only $10,000? It needs an HVAC system! And kitchen appliances, and bathroom stuff, and flooring! Plus labor! I can't imagine that would only cost $10,000."

So... Hick has been keeping this plan from me, while telling The Pony, who is not crazy about it, because of the money going out before any money comes in.

Hick and I need to have a "discussion" about our flipping partnership with The Pony. I don't think ONE is a majority.

Fetching the Bargain Kitchen

Remember the rich guy Hick was buying memorabilia from? Who promised Hick that he could have the old kitchen when his new kitchen was installed? That installation has been happening. Hick was supposed to fetch the cabinets and stuff this weekend. The original deal was that Hick could have it for free, just to haul it off. The revised deal (because the rich guy's wife objected) was for Hick to pay $400-$500 for the privilege of hauling off the old kitchen. He has not yet paid, so I hope this price sticks!

Anyhoo... Hick couldn't wouldn't leave his precious SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) to pick up his "new" kitchen. He knew it would take him several trips. He didn't want to go on Friday, when he leaves the SUS2.5 at noon. Not driving a trailer to the city on Friday evening!

As usual, Hick fell back-rumpusward into luck. A buddy from the flea market offered to drive his trailer there as well, and help with loading, as long as Hick paid for his gas. DEAL! Hick also took HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) with him, and a young kid from the flea market who does odd jobs. 

They left on Saturday at 3:30. It's about a 2-hour drive from the SUS2.5 to the guy's house. They loaded two trailers (good thing Hick just spent $300 for a set of new tires on his trailer) and brought the kitchen stuff back to the town where Cheap House sits. Hick parked his trailer in the buddy's brother's driveway overnight, because it was just down the street from Cheap House. Then went back with HOS to unload it on Sunday evening.

They didn't get everything. Another trip to the city is required, because the remodelers weren't done tearing out all of the kitchen. But Hick got cabinets, a stove, a countertop, and a big piece of granite that weighs 900 pounds that he doesn't know what he'll do with.

So far, there's only a picture of the stove:

Hick plans to put this stove in Lap House. I'm not sure if that's where the picture is from. He might have just stored it in Cheap House for now, because it was so close to where he left the trailer.

Anyhoo... Hick was shocked at the value of this stove.

"I had no idea what that stove is worth. It's a Viking. I looked it up online, and a new one is $5000! I knew it was a good stove when I seen that the burners were cast iron, and not just metal like a regular burner."

Heh, heh. That stove might be worth more than the house. Anyhoo... Lap House already has gas service, so it won't be any problem to hook up a gas stove there.

I'll show more of the kitchen loot when Hick takes more pictures. 

I Deny Responsibility!

We came out of Country Mart on Thursday, and The Pony stopped by T-Hoe's left front bumper.

"What's this?"

"I don't know! Where did THAT come from? I haven't hit anything! Dad might say my memory's going, but surely I'd remember hitting something! It can't have been there long. It's all powdery. So it's been since the last rain. I haven't noticed it when I walk by in the garage."

"Is it paint?"

"I can't tell. And look where it is. That's up on TOP of the bumper. If I'd hit something, it would be scraped all along the side, not up on top. There's just a little couple of scuffs down on the side. If I'd hit the door of the garage going in or out, only the side would be scraped. Not the top. This reminds me of how a car's back door could open over it. You know. Like the curved part of the door that goes around the wheel. And when the door opens, it could scrape the top of the bumper. But I can't imagine a car parked at an angle to do that with a back door. Besides, I always park with this side giving me plenty of room to open my own door."

"Yeah. I don't know how only the top is scraped."

"Unless maybe it was a cart. If somebody got too close, and a cart scraped over the top of the bumper."

When I got home, I made Hick come out and look. He rubbed at it with his hand. Some of the powdery stuff came off. [The pictures were the next day, as I came out of our credit union, and had the opportunity to take them in the sunlight. So some of the mark is gone already.]

"Huh. I don't know what that came from. But it looks like it would buff right out."

Why is nobody else concerned with solving this mystery??? I refuse to take the fall! If I'm going to hit something, the laws of physics will apply to my damage!

My best guess is either somebody with a beeper cart driving into T-Hoe at 10Box, or somebody trying to squeeze a cart between T-Hoe and the cart return at Save A Lot.

At least it wasn't me...

I See It as a Discount That Was Meant to Be

Last week, The Pony did not accompany me on Errand Day. I only had a couple items to get at Country Mart, those being bananas and apples and bread. I could get them cheaper at 10Box, but can't find those apples there. They are Sugar Bee apples. That's what the stickers say, anyway. They're a sweet, crisp red apple. Hick also likes them, and takes them in his lunch to the SUS2.5 on the weekends.

I was shocked to see my receipt when I got back to T-Hoe. It seemed like a high total for such a few items. When I looked at the apple price, it was over $16!!! For a bag of 10 apples! I was fuming during the ride home, wondering if the young man checker had overcharged me.

Once home, I put that bag of apples on the scale. It weighed 3.8 pounds. I had not noticed the price of the produce. I usually just get what's on my list because that's what I want. I'm not looking for bargains on the produce. I thought all the apples had signs for something around $3.00/pound. I complained to Hick about the apples costing over $16.

"Huh. That DOES seem like a lot. But they're good apples."

"They're Sugar Bee apples. I can't find them anywhere else."

Hick started Googling on his phone.

"Well no wonder. It says here that they're $9.99 a pound at Target!"

"WHAT? I'm sure they're not that much at Country Mart. Let me get the receipt. Huh. It says I got 3.89 pounds, and they're $4.36 a pound. So that's about right. I just never realized they were that expensive. But at least it's not $9.99 a pound!"

I went back to Country Mart this week to get more apples. I saw a new kind. Cosmic Crisp. They were also a red apple, but a little bigger than the Sugar Bee. There were only five in a bag. I wanted to try them. But still got Hick a bag of the Sugar Bee. 

The Pony was with me this time, and checked out first. I set my items on the conveyor. I put the Cosmic Crisp apples first. Then the Sugar Bee. Then my other stuff. I didn't want the checker putting bags of apples on top of my bread. The checkers here don't have much common sense. Several are not even 21 yet, and have to call for elders to ring up alcohol.

Indeed, this young gal had to pick up the produce chart (a laminated strip with pictures) to see what she was ringing up. You'd think she'd never seen an apple before! The stickers were on EACH APPLE. She could have looked at them and known what she was ringing up.

Both were sold in clear plastic tote bags, open at the top with two loop handles. Easy to see, easy to scan a bar code.

Anyhoo... she set the first bag, the Cosmic Crisps, on the scale. Picked up her picture chart. Then tapped in the item. As she was setting the Sugar Bees on the scale, I said,

"I have two different kinds of apples--"

"How is your day going? Oh. Sorry. What was that?" She said as she tapped in the newly-weighed Sugar Bees.

"Never mind. I'm having a good day." 

On the way to the car, I told The Pony, 

"I have no idea how she rang up these apples. I was trying to tell her that I had two kinds, so she could charge me the right prices. But she had already put them in the register, and I didn't want to wait for somebody to come clear it." 

The Pony didn't shame me on this one. "Hey, you tried to tell her."

When I looked at the receipt, I was REALLY having a good day! She had charged me for GALA APPLES! Both bags. Which are only $1.78/pound!

I really like them apples!

More Hick Duty-Shirking

When I brought The Pony out for our Labor Day cookout, we both noticed an odd smell in the garage. It was quite strong. I attributed it to Hick. Not that he emits a strong odor, but that I figured he must have sprayed something in the garage. 

Hick mixes up weed-killer and treats his toe-catching uneven brick sidewalk that adjoins the concrete sidewalk to the garage door. And he'd just recently said he was finding dead mice in the garage. Though why he would spray for weeds in a garage, or spray to kill already-dead mice, I can't explain. Other than he's Hick.

A couple days ago, Hick came out to the garage to carry in some light groceries. He's been certified for lifting by his surgeon after a follow-up appointment.

"Oh, that smell you and Pony complained about? It's the gas in the generator turning into turpentine."

Well. Isn't that a fine kettle of fish! We had that power outage recently, and even IF we had known there would be 13 hours without electricity, Hick could not have started up our generator anyway! 

You'd think that Hick would be using his spare time to drain out that bad gas and get the generator in working condition. You know, just in case we have another power outage.

Nope. I guess he's too busy eating Harem cake.

Hick's Harem Takes the Cake

That title is figuratively speaking. To be technically correct, Hick's Harem literally GAVE the cake! Hick came through the kitchen door with it on Wednesday evening, right after I had typed that previous last line about how Hick would adjust his schedule to help the Harem, but not to help ME. Well. Of course he would! He's not going to be getting a cake from me.

I don't know what special occasion justified this cake. I'll have to do some interrogation when Hick gets home. He didn't say much about it.

"Look what my 'Harem,' as you call them, gave me today!"

"Dang! That's like a whole cake!"

"I wasn't gonna take it, but I thought, no, that might be rude. They made it and wanted me to have it, so I took it."

"It looks DELICIOUS! But I thought you didn't like coconut."

"I don't. But it supposedly has pineapple in it, too. I'll have some tonight after supper."

Well. I can't compete with that cake. Even though I fried half a pound of bacon for bacon and tomato sandwiches for Hick's supper, along with chips and homemade dip.

Hick put his cake on the bottom shelf of FRIG II. The only open space. Just like that. On the plate. I said it would get stale, but he said it would be fine. Hick would gladly share some of his Harem cake with me, but I don't need it. It's not on my "cutting back" menu.

I admit that later in the evening, I used my pinky finger to steal that large crumb, and a swipe of fallen-off icing. It tasted like ambrosia. Enough is almost as good as a feast. I'll leave the feasting for Hick. Who ate half of one piece for dessert.