Last night while sitting in my dark basement lair, whipping up an entertaining tale for the masses, the phone rang. I glanced to my right, in the area where that spider plopped down one midnight dreary and released eleventy-billion offspring upon my countertop computer desk, and saw that the call was coming from Arizona. I know nobody in Arizona, but that state has been calling me off and on for a week or two. So I answered.
"Hello? I am calling about your Windows computer. You know...your Microsoft WINDOWS COMPUTER." It was a woman with a hard-to-decipher Asian accent. The background sounded like floor trading on the New York Stock Exchange
"Yes...?"
"Over the past several days, there has been strange activity showing international hacking attempts on your computer."
"WHAT KIND OF SCAM IS THIS? NOBODY CALLS TO GIVE THAT KIND OF HELP!"
The caller gave an audible GASP. Then hung up.
Val Thevictorian was not born yesterday. She is not her mother's daughter, eager to fix the problem with her computer so that nothing goes wrong, so eager that she stays on the line for 30 minutes and pushes all the buttons the nice lady wants her to push. No sirree, Bob! Val Thevictorian does not suffer scammers gladly.
I could have ignored it again. But when the answering machine picks up, it's just like answering, letting those scammers know that this is a working number. So I thought I'd see who wanted to sell me what. Funny how we never quite got that far.
For her next trick, Val will tell a scammer that she knows it's not raining, BEFORE they have a chance to pee on her leg.
She was going to give you some free anti-virus protection, all you have to give her is your name, birth date and SS# and your drivers license # and any credit card or bank account numbers in your name. What could go wrong?
ReplyDeleteI guess you were NOT born yesterday...since you're retiring in a little over 1 1/2 years. (Color me green.)
ReplyDeleteNice work, Val. It was probably that same lady who wanted to fix the problem on my computer. They really don't like being laughed at. I asked her which of my computers was having the problem. "Uh" (in a middle eastern accent)" the Windows computer". I laughed again and said she'd have to do better than that. Poor scammer.
ReplyDeleteYou're too smart for them. Good for you. I get calls like that, frequently.
ReplyDeleteActually you do know someone in Arizona. ME! But I swear I didn't call you disguising my voice to sound like a hard-to-define Asian woman. Really. I swear.
ReplyDeleteI've heard from them and so have quite a few people I know. I took vicarious pleasure in hearing about that audible gasp. Too bad it wasn't followed by the sound of pants catching fire.
ReplyDeletejoeh,
ReplyDeleteWell, she's getting the better end of the bargain. That virus-protection she's hawking better protect against The Ebola for all the data she wants me to fork over.
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Sioux,
What am I, your own personal colorer? Do you think I have nothing better to do that color you green? I am busy counting down the days until my retirement, Madam! If you insist on ordering me to color you green, I shall send my close personal friend Rebecca DeMornay over there to give you a piece of my mind. She's still riled up about that toilet book and those muffin stumps.
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Leenie,
I hope she's paid by the hour, and not by the info she gathers. Otherwise she will not be able to afford an earplug for her phone ear to guard against responses like mine.
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Catalyst,
AHA! I knew I could flush out the culprit! Aren't you quite the Rich Little! You had me going there for a while. Sorry about your eardrum. I hear they grow back.
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Tammy,
Maybe flaming trousers were the reason for the gasp. There's not always a big WHOOSH like when a faulty gas furnace kicks on, you know.