Friday Afternoons In the Basement With Genius

Genius called this afternoon as I was looking up used car prices and the phone number for my bank to retrieve my lost debit card. It's like he is a master at astral projection. The most busy time for me is when he calls. Well. Except for 12:05 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day, when I was asleep in the basement recliner.

"Hey. I am ordering The Pony's Christmas present for you. I got a deal on it for only $900. It's beautiful. It looks like brushed aluminum." (Let the record show that Genius LOVES shopping for and opening up the box of any new electronic gewgaw. Doesn't matter if it's his, or if he's setting it up for us dimbulbs. I can imagine him curling up around a new laptop to sleep, or putting it on the pillow beside him with his hand stroking the brushed aluminum.)

"He's not going to care what the outside looks like."

"I know. And I need to look over those games he told me he wants. I might have to do an upgrade to make sure it works best for them. That might be another $100."

"Whatever it takes. He needs it for game-playing and writing. I don't know what a laptop needs. We've already replaced the power cord charger thing on this one twice. The first time because it burned up. Literally."

"Okay. Just checking. I haven't left the room all day. I feel like I'm really at the Overlook Hotel. I haven't shaved for three days, and I'm wearing an old pair of sweatpants and a shirt that doesn't match."

"Have you been typing 'All work and no play makes Genius a dull boy' over and over?"

"No. I scrawled it up and down the hall on the walls."

"Did you have a good Thanksgiving dinner yesterday? Your omelet?"

"I had a Totino's pizza. It was crappy. And it was 88 cents."

"Was it at least pepperoni?"

"It was Three-Meat."

"Oooo! Only the best for Thanksgiving. Are you having leftovers today?"

"No. I still have two more pizzas left."

"I hate to rush you, but I was getting ready to call the bank because they wouldn't give me my debit card this morning. I left it in the ATM Wednesday afternoon. Then your dad and I are going to look at used cars."

"WHAT? You don't need a car! What's going on?"

"Well. Mine is a 2008. And if you remember correctly, Dad just took it to get fixed, and it didn't. Anyway, the car is for him. Oh. Here's one now. A Chevy Blazer. Five thousand dollars, and 239,000 miles on it."

"That's better than my truck! What are you getting rid of?"

"Not the van. I could drive that, except it doesn't run."

"You can't drive that! It has studded snow tires on it. I wanted to use it to haul a bunch of people around, and Dad told me I couldn't, because of the tires."

"That doesn't stop him. But we're not getting rid of that. You're the primary driver of it, you know!"

"I know. Please tell me it's the Pacifica!"

"It IS!"

"Good. I'm on board. Because that thing has a gas pedal that sticks. When you stop at a stop sign, you have to keep pushing on it, and then it goes ROAR and you take off."

"I hope it doesn't do that when they test drive it. Anyway, we're looking at a 2013 Ford Explorer with 45,000 miles on it. There goes five years of your tuition."

"Great."

"At least your dad and I will be stylin' while we're rollin'. You will be sitting on the front porch whittlin' your future away."

"When I get out of school, that's going to be my first big-boy purchase."

I don't think he meant a 2013 Ford Explorer with 45,000 miles on it. And I'm positive he didn't mean a 2006 Chrysler Pacifica with 129,000 miles on it.